Cats are intelligent beings. I watch them in action and they often amaze me with what they’re able to comprehend. Sometimes I even think they do things to intentionally irritate me. This is why I find it endlessly amusing when they slip up … you know, when they think they’re being oh so stealthy, yet they’re really oh so not.

Here are five ways my cats fall short in the sneakiness department.

1. Catzilla vs. the dresser top

Phoebe has always been a bit of a thief. Even when she was a kitten, she’d take off with jewelry, pens, straws, and other doodads. If she can make off without our noticing, she’ll squirrel it away behind the sofa or in one of her other kitty hideaways. Once, she took off with my mom’s turquoise bracelet and dove into one of her nylon kitty cubes. When Mom reached in to reclaim the bracelet, Phoebe promptly and authoritatively walloped her hand. “Mine!”

Phoebe knows there are lots of “pretties” on my dresser and enjoys appraising the merchandise when she thinks I’m sleeping or in another room. The trouble is, she’s not exactly the most quiet shopper. I’ll sometimes awake to the sound of a photo frame falling or small boxes of baubles hitting the ground. I’ll flip on the light and see her standing frozen, mid-destruction. And the top of my dresser looks like it’s been visited by the likes of Godzilla.

2. Shark week is every week

Saffy loves her food … as well as everyone else’s. After she’s finished gobbling up her own chow, she starts moving in on the other two cats’ meals, especially Phoebe’s. We try and distract her and shoo her away, but she always returns. The circling shark doesn’t even hide around a corner so we don’t see her telltale fin. Nope. She swims right out into open water. Bad form, Saff.

3. A tail of hiding fail

Hiding fails always crack me up. I love it when cats think they’re completely covered, yet just a bit of tail, ear or paw is visible. It seems to me that they tend to forget the tail more than anything else. I know it’s probably mean, but I can’t help it: When I see a little bit of kitty sticking out, I automatically have to grab or flick it. Not hard! C’mon, they’re just asking for it!

4. Counter effects of livin’ large

Oh, sweet Saffy — you know not the bounty of your mass. She’s a big girl, but has honed her counter-cruising skills over the years. She silently creeps around on the countertop, stopping for the occasional smell or taste of something that catches her fancy. Occasionally, we’ll hear her — but not that often. When we do, it usually involves the sound of a rough cat tongue licking a pan that once held meat of some sort.

Although she’s mostly quiet while hunting noms, she jumps off the counter with a massive thud that shakes practically the entire house. I swear, if I lived anywhere near a fault line, I’d be looking to the Richter scale. So, even though she’s pretty sneaky from above, she’s unable to land ninja-style.

5. Undercover moves

In Cosmo‘s perfect world, I’d lie in bed all day and he’d press his body as close to me as physically possible. Incidentally, this is also my husband’s perfect world. Cosmo loves to snuggle and I adore having him close by; however, he emits just a little too much warmth for my comfort and I’m unable to sleep so close to him through the night. This doesn’t stop him from trying to scoot his way over, though.

It’s actually pretty funny the way he makes his way toward me. He starts at the end of the bed and burrows under the covers. Then he slowly creeps forward, stopping each time I stir. Finally, he finds himself near my back or chest and settles in. What he doesn’t know is that I’m a light sleeper and sense every move he makes. Poor guy. I always remove him from under the covers and place him back at the end of the bed. He’ll usually wait until he thinks I’m asleep and try again. This happens at least a couple of times a night. I feel like his moves should be accompanied by Barry White music.

How are your cats not so sneaky? Tell us in the comments!

About the Author: Angie Bailey is a goofy girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

Read more by Angie Bailey:

• Sometimes My Cats Irritate Me — I’m Beginning to Think It’s Intentional
• 8 Times I Tried to Take a Photo of My Cats … And Failed
• Photos of 12 Cats Who Try to Hide … and FAIL
• 8 Excuses Your Lazy Cat Would Give for Being Late to Work
• My Cats Make Me Feel Like a Child — That Explains My Childish Behavior
• Tabby with Whisker Fetish Seeks Siamese with Fish Breath: 8 Personal Ads Written by Cats
• Why Yes I Sing to My Cats — You Mean, You Don’t?