If Your Cats Were Rich, What Would They Want?

Unlimited Fancy Feast, 24-hour playtime, endless adoration; what would dominate your cats' desire?

Human beings have always pondered what it would be like to have wealth, or more wealth — but what would cats want if they lusted for wealth? What would cats want their wealthy lifestyles to look like?

I can’t speak for all cats, but I know my cats pretty well. Here’s what I suspect my cats would bring into their lives if they had infinite wealth and have whatever they wanted.

Cat with milk and a piece of meat by Shutterstock.com’>

Cat with milk and a piece of meat by Shutterstock.com

1. Chester

Chester would desire unlimited supplies of Fancy Feast, in the pate version, in the smallest cans possible, and stored at room temperature. There’s something very pleasurable for this cat about the snap of a new small can being opened, and the freshness of wet food at room temperature. It quickly loses its luster, however, if it sits for too long. There would need to be a nice supply of this food, constantly replenished. The leftovers? Well, a less fussy cat could eat these — perhaps Rama, who will eat anything.

2. Norton

Norton would hire a team of brilliant people to play with him continually, and to constantly devise new puzzles for him to solve. Nothing gives Norton more joy than unlocking a new problem. A door to open, a box to get into, a new space to check out — you can almost see the wheels turning in Norton’s head. I imagine that this team of people would be like a teacher who is constantly trying to stay ahead of their student — Norton is just that smart. As soon as he figured out one puzzle, a new one could be developed. There needs to be high-level toys and problem solving situations for intelligent cats like Norton. I see a new niche in the pet industry!

The clever Norton is always up to something.

3. Zorro

Zorro would hire a team of adoring people (or clones of me) to praise him, touch him constantly, play with his paws, and encourage him to roll around. This cat loves to express himself through his body — it’s no accident that Ragdolls are called floppy cats. The more touching, the better for this guy. Staff would also have to be on hand to brush him constantly, something that he also loves. A Furminator is a tool that Zorro loves (nail clippers, not so much). He does love his paws handled gently, so Zorro’s team would need to be trained to carry out this happiness for this boy.

4. Kieran

Kieran would hire live musicians to play for him constantly. Live music is always better, in Kieran’s point of view, and so far, the piano and the guitar are his favorite instruments. There might be more, however — we’ve not had the means to experiment with other instruments. Kieran would also appreciate brushing as much as possible.

Yellow cat playing the piano by Shutterstock.com’>

Yellow cat playing the piano by Shutterstock.com

5. Rama

Rama’s into luxury, and if he was a human, I could imagine him driving a really fine car, for example. But his desires are easily provided for. Any bed is nice for Rama as long as his loved humans are there to cuddle with.

My cats would hire carpenters to make our house a true cat house, with walkways and hidey holes and passages through walls. (We, the cat parents, lack fine carpentry skills.) However, my cats are pretty lucky in that they have wide log ceiling beams to run on — and they use them often.

All of them would hire someone to constantly clean their dishes (with soap and water, because the remnants of wet food can dry and get gross) and their litter boxes. They’d hire someone to vacuum around the litter boxes pretty consistently, so that they didn’t have to leave their toilet and get more cat litter on their paws. But really, I do this, and I do it for free! My cats might desire unlimited catnip, freshly grown, and organic. But this is something I’ve also done for them, and it hardly cost a thing.

Happy young woman playing with cat by Shutterstock.com’>

Happy young woman playing with cat by Shutterstock.com

I’m beginning to think that my cats are already wealthy. Everything mentioned above is already done in this household — wealth would just buy more of it. Maybe there is a lesson in contentment here. (You know me — I’m always looking for lessons that our animals bring.) Maybe wealth could really be as simple as someone to play with, or snuggles with your favorite human or cat, or simple time together playing music, dragging cat toys, brushing, or just being.

I could suppose that my cats might dream of never having to work, but in all honesty, they don’t work that hard as it is. My cats have a very wealthy life already. It’s different than how some might define wealth, but it’s just as rich.

What would your cats desire regarding wealth? Or are they already wealthy? Tell me in the comments!

Read related stories by Catherine Holm:

About Catherine Holm: Told that she is funny but doesn’t know it, accused of being an unintentional con artist by her husband, quiet, with frequent unannounced bursts into dancing liveliness, Cat Holm loves writing about, working for, and living with cats. She is the author of The Great Purr, the cat-themed memoir Driving with Cats: Ours for a Short Time, the creator of Ann Catanzaro cat fantasy story gift books, and the author of two short story collections. She loves to dance, be outside whenever possible, read, play with cats, make music, do and teach yoga, and write. Cat lives in the woods, which she loves as much as really dark chocolate, and gets regular inspiration shots along with her double espresso shots from the city.

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