Vanishing Acts! Food Transformations! My Cats Are Furry Little Magicians


My cats should have their own magic show in Vegas. For real. They constantly astound me with their sleight of paw and unexplained illusions. They haven’t gone so far as to pull a rabbit out of a hat, but I have seen them retrieve a bug from underneath the sofa. And like a true illusionist, they look so proud and full of fanfare: “Ta-da!!!”

Every day, my three kitties are happy to demonstrate a new trick to entertain and amaze me. Here are five of their most popular ones.

1. They suddenly appear

My cats are furry little ninjas. They move so silently and seem to show up unexpectedly, sometimes in strange places. Cosmo loves to slink inside open cabinets and it’s not uncommon to open a door to grab a roll of paper towels and see him just hanging out in the dark. It never fails to generate giggles and surprise. He reminds me of Randy, Raphie’s younger brother in A Christmas Story. Remember the scene where he was sad so he sat inside the cabinet under the sink? And his mom opened the door, handed him a glass of milk and then closed the door. That’s Cosmo. In fact, when we discover him chillin’ inside a cabinet, we always say, “Hi, Randy.”

Sometimes when I turn my back for only a minute, I’ll return to find a cat. Usually, they’ve hijacked my chair or commandeered a pile of clean laundry that I was about to fold. It happens so fast, I swear they somehow teleport there — I never hear them or see them coming.


2. They mysteriously switch food bowls

Cosmo and Saffy notoriously switch food bowls, which is a no-no because Saffy eats special food. While they’re chowing, we have to monitor their activity. To deter the old switcheroo, we usually feed them in separate areas of the kitchen, but that doesn’t stop them from swapping slop. If the phone rings or we have to stir something on the stove, they take that opportunity to trade places. It’s so seamless! I turn around and see Saffy’s face buried in Cosmo’s forbidden bowl and Cosmo digging into Saffy’s meal. How do that do that so quickly?


3. They pop out of boxes

Phoebe is our little alpha girl and with that title comes first dibs on any incoming boxes. The other cats resent her for that, but she couldn’t care less. She takes what she wants. Phoebe especially enjoys boxes with lids. Because of that, I don’t often see that she’s taken residence inside her cardboard bunker. I’ll walk by the box and she’ll pop out like a wild-eyed jack-in-the box. It’s happened more times than I can count, but I jump each time it happens. I swear I never see her climb in those boxes.


4. They transform food into vomit

Sometimes my cats eat so quickly that they barely chew their food. They get plenty to eat and none of them came to me as strays, so I can’t explain their occasional pigginess. I do know one thing: Sometimes the race to clean the plate results in a pile of vomit — usually on the carpet. Of course. Within minutes, they transform cat food into vomit.

Magic! (This one’s a stretch, I know — but it sure seems like magic sometimes.)

5. They instantly vanish

What’s the best way to make my cats disappear? Ring the doorbell, turn on the vacuum or pull out the carrier. They’re guaranteed to clear the room. For whatever reason, they don’t seem to hide in the usual places either. They completely vanish into the ether. The only way I’ve found to draw them back into the room? The rattle of the treat bag. That’s my magic. Cats are pretty smart, but we humans have a few tricks up our sleeves. But the questions still remains: How do they disappear so quickly and where do they go?


Is your cat a furry little magician? Tell us about it in the comments!

About the Author: Angie Bailey is a goofy girl with freckles and giant smile who wants everyone to be her friend. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, and thinking about cats doing people things. Wrote a ridiculous humor book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that may or may not offend people. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.

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