If domestic animals had motor vehicles, motorcycles would belong to cats. Let’s start with dogs to set up the analogy. Stout dogs such as Pit Bulls would drive banged-up Ford pickups from the 1970s. Border Collies? The Chevy Camaro. Great Danes? Eighteen-wheelers — strictly Kenworth. Pomeranians and Chihuahuas would buzz around in those tiny new little Fiat 500s. But cats? They just belong on motorcycles. Think of a Bengal or a Abyssinian — sleek, graceful, fast, high energy.

Now think of a really primo sport bike, such as a Ducati 748.

Yeah. I know. Practically the same thing!

Now let’s consider the tabby, such as Thomas. Tabby cats of all colors are dependable and solid, fast and powerful without being over the top, they run for a long time, and they have their own community of devoted followers. Sounds to me like a BMW, such as my R1100S. I’ve had two of them. Just look how at-home Thomas seems on my BMW, who I named Helmut. (From 2008 to 2012 I also had a Yamaha YZF600R, known as the Thundercat, which was more of a Siamese.)

With these principles in mind, I spent an afternoon looking for photos on the web that support my theory. Below are the ones I found.

First, every rider needs gear. So, to love the motorcycle, one must also love the gear. Here you see that a motorcycle helmet is a perfect fit for a cat.

A helmet might be an even better fit for a kitten.

These two cats are just hangin’ out near the ride they wish belonged to them.

A black cat shows love for a moto dude.

Here the same cat mimics the motorcycle, like the Abyssinian and the Ducati above. Uncanny!

This existentialist cat wanders into a black-and-white world of motorcycles and Velvet Underground songs. If only Camus, Ginsberg, or Lou Reed were still around to see this.

If a cat wants to get close to motorcycles, it makes sense to approach one of the neo-Beatniks riding them. So this one does.

Leave it to a cat to add this level of pragmatism to a code that many riders embrace.

Q: What has two wheels and sleeps three (cats)?
A: This Yamaha scooter.

Ohhhh, Mr. Tabby, you are in SO much trouble! That better not be a BMW!

Even while the motorcycle sleeps, two cats lurk, intrigued.

Aww! This makes me want to visit Istanbul, where this photo was taken. Also notice the gray tabby gravitates toward a BMW (this one being from the 1960s with a sidecar) — I’m just sayin’.

That’s all for this week. I leave you with the following questions:

Do you have a motorcycle and a cat? (I know at least one of you does!) Does your cat look like a motorcycle? Does your motorcycle look like a cat? If your cat had a motorcycle, what would it be? Tell me in the comments.

“Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube,” wrote Hunter S. Thompson:

About Keith Bowers: This broad-shouldered, bald-headed, leather-clad motorcyclist also has passions for sharp clothing, silver accessories, great writing, the arts, and cats. This career journalist loves painting, sculpting, photographing, and getting on stage. He once was called “a high-powered mutant,” which also describes his cat, Thomas. He is senior editor at Catster and Dogster.

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