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Bunches the Cat Must Find a New Favorite Place to Vomit

This week in fake cat news: A prized carpet is gone, so a Scottish Fold barfs on a comforter.

Michael Leaverton  |  Jan 26th 2016


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A home improvement project by Steve and Helen Dobson left their cat, Bunches, without her favorite place to vomit on Thursday, forcing the Scottish Fold to choose the less-than-desirable location of the comforter in the guest bedroom.

“So I’m dozing in the kitchen and I feel a vomit coming on — I can tell it’s good one, I’m excited about this vomit,” recalled Bunches, who had just finished breakfast in their Stockton, California, home and had a hairball worrying her. “So I stand up and walk directly from the tile in the kitchen to the carpet in the living room — and WHAM!”

What?

“No more shag carpet!”

Without telling Bunches, the Dobsons had replaced 400 square yards of soiled and malodorous shag carpet with click-together hardwood floor tiles the day before. With only seconds to spare, Bunches, whose full name is Bunches of Pretty Flowers, had to find a new favorite place to vomit.

“They really nailed it with that shag,” recalled Bunches the next day. “It was great to vomit on. I’m going to miss that old gal.”

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A disoriented Bunches holds in her vomit while thinking quickly. A cat sits on the floor by Shutterstock

After her shocking discovery in the living room, Bunches held in her vomit — part of which had already made its way into her mouth — while she frantically searched for a suitable replacement. She was trailed by Steve and Helen Dobson, who entreated Bunches to vomit in the bathroom or kitchen or even the garage — or, ideally, on the paper towels that Helen kept throwing in front of Bunches.

“Those two go crazy sometimes,” said Bunches. “Like I would vomit on a paper towel. I almost didn’t make it to the comforter.”

“That comforter was my grandmother’s,” said Helen.

While the comforter served its purpose at the time, Bunches said it wasn’t the “best place in the world” to vomit, for reasons she could not fully articulate, so the search is still on for a new favorite place for her to vomit.

She described her ideal surface.

“It has to be soft on my feet. No tile or hardwood. It has to have fibers. It has to hold the smell, deep down. It should be light-colored — white is best — so I can readily see evidence of my handiwork, even after months of rigorous cleaning.”

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“What did you do with the carpet, Helen?” A cat sits on a hardwood floor by Shutterstock

“That old shag, what a rug,” Bunches said, reminiscing about her many trips to the living room, all the hairballs and partially digested food she had deposited on its lumpy surface. “All you had to do was step in the living room and you could smell me.”

“I’d better find a suitable replacement, and fast,” she said. “That new couch looks tempting.”

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