As summer slouches toward chillier afternoons and longer nights, things are just heating up on the baseball diamond. I’m a Kansas City Royals fan, and the 2014 American League champs are eager to defend their crown, making this an emotional, highly reactive (and extremely entertaining) season for players and fans alike.
Aside from all the drama spurred by hothead young pitchers and burgeoning rivalries, I’ve come to an important realization while spending several hours a day parked in front of the television rooting for the home team: My cats have everything they need to be the best fans in baseball. (And honestly, Bubba Lee Kinsey and Phoenix would look adorable in tiny Lorenzo Cain and Salvador Perez jerseys.)
Here are five reasons my cats are baseball’s biggest superfans without even knowing it.
This family tree of college mascots demonstrates that tigers, wildcats, cougars, lions, and panthers are the namesakes of the NCAA’s most popular sports teams. Big cats can run fast and obliterate their opponents in a flurry of claws and fangs, so naturally every college baseball team wants that feline mojo on its side.
Did I mention that the Royals mascot is a t-shirt tossing, hot dog gun-wielding, crown-wearing lion named Sluggerrr? One time he threw a handful of peanuts at me when he ran out of prizes. Only a couple got in my drink. Fun times!
As for Bubba Lee Kinsey and Phoenix — well, maybe they could be the mascots for this competitive eater who ate 62 hot dogs last month. That could be a side job after baseball mascot.
The Midwest heat is intolerable this time of year, and my poor kitties cannot shed their fur quickly enough to stay cool, even in the air conditioning (though my vacuum cleaner might beg to differ). Today it got so hot that Phoenix melted into a giant calico puddle of spotted toes and pure white belly floof.
That’s why baseball is the perfect sport for my kitties to enjoy. Each game is more than three hours long, complete with tons of commercial breaks and delays so umpires can confirm or overturn contentious calls. It takes a lot of dedication to sit in the same place staring at the television all evening, but that’s no problem for my cats.
For all of his lazy lounging, Bubba Lee Kinsey still has a massive mean streak. If you get in his personal space or look at him the wrong way, you’re bound to get slapped with his adorable gray paws or stabbed with his pearly white fangs.
Needless to say, if someone pitched a 95 mph fastball so high and inside that it brushed his whiskers, he’d be the first one charging the mound.
Kitties would strike fear into the hearts of the Baltimore Orioles, Toronto Blue Jays, and St. Louis Cardinals. (Let’s be honest — no one likes those teams anyway.)
Perhaps you remember the “cat suit guys” from last year’s World Series? If not, allow me to refresh your memory.
These two dudes and their hypnotic torsos were among the Royals’ many good luck charms during the team’s seemingly fated sprint through the playoffs last fall. You might wonder why a grown-ass man would want to purchase a cat onesie — but that would be the wrong question. What you should be asking, of course, is where you can get one.
No doubt you’ve seen your kitty enjoy a long, luxurious, full-body stretch after one of her eight-hour afternoon naps. It’s pretty easy to guess her favorite part of the game, even if she doesn’t know the words to “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”
What makes your cats a good match for baseball? Let me know in the comments.
Learn more about your cat with Catster:
About Angela: This not-crazy-at-all cat lady loves to lint-roll her favorite dress and go out dancing. She also frequents the gym, the vegan coffee joint, and the warm patch of sunlight on the living room floor. She enjoys a good cat rescue story about kindness and decency overcoming the odds, and she’s an enthusiastic recipient of headbutts and purrs from her two cats, Bubba Lee Kinsey and Phoenix.