Here in the U.S., we’re in a pretty interesting presidential election season. Don’t worry — this post is not really about politics. I’m telling the truth here and cats are involved, so keep reading. I believe that instead of seeing another hateful, finger-pointing article in your newsfeed you’d like to see something feline with a soft political slant. I think right about now we could all use more fuzzy cats and laughter, and way less drama. Agree? I figured you might.
Here are six reasons I believe a cat would make a fine POTUS.
Have you ever won a staring contest against a cat? Yeah, neither have I. In serious negotiations that could affect the future of our country, don’t we want a president who can dish up some serious intimidation while maintaining a cute exterior? How confusing for the opponent! “I want to win this negotiation, but I can’t get over this leader’s sweet little nose. Plus, that stare is really taking me down. Dammit!”
Secret Service agents are hired to protect the POTUS from bodily harm. These agents often surround a president like a cloak of armor, many times making our leader invisible while traveling by foot. Here’s the thing about cats: They’re pretty darn slick and sneaky. They would never need special agents to help them remain undercover. A feline president would be stealthy all on his or her own. No need for all those extra people on payroll. A cat as president would actually save taxpayers money.
Sometimes the president is annoyed by reporters’ nonstop questions and just wants to leave a press conference in peace. Any cat will tell you the best way to clear a room is to drop one heck of a stinky deuce in the litter box … and then don’t cover it. For that reason, I think a kitty president would keep a litter box behind the podium in any press room where reporters would be addressed.
“Can you please give us more details about your controversial ‘no tax on catnip’ plan? Wait … what is that putrid odor? I’m outta here!”
Let’s be honest: A country’s leader has to have a certain amount of bravery and boldness. Sometimes a president probably feels completely defeated and even wants to give up. This is where a cat’s notorious nine lives would benefit the country’s highest position. Cats don’t give up. They push limits and don’t take guff from anybody. They fall off the arm of the sofa and rise from the ashes like a mighty phoenix. Our country deserves a leader with balls … except we’d want a male president to be neutered, of course.
Even though cats can be bold and brave, we usually find them living on the chill side of life. They sleep a lot and, when they’re awake, enjoy the kind of relaxation we humans can usually only achieve while on a tropical vacation. A president needs to be able to unwind and occasionally even look at things through nip-colored glasses.
Sure, looks aren’t everything, but if you’re gonna have to see a face on the Internet, TV, and print for four years, wouldn’t it be a bonus if the face were fuzzy and had long whiskers and pointy ears? I know, perhaps there are humans who would fit this description, but I’m thinking these features would be much more pleasing on a kitty. Based on cuteness alone, a cat would probably have the highest approval rating of any president in history. And we’d easily forgive them for bad decisions when they flashed that “Puss in Boots” face.
Do you think a cat would make a good president? Tell us why in the comments!