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Cat tales by Tailer

What were they thinking???

March 3rd 2006 7:05 pm
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Did you hear that Catster made Chopper a Diary pick of the day? What were they thinking???? That little twerp can't write a diary to save his life!!! He isn't very smart so his entries go something like this..."Today I ate food. It was good".

OK OK, so I don't know that FOR SURE since he doesn't let me read his diary, but I'm pretty sure I'm right. hrmpf.

I'm going to go nurse on my cow now, maybe it will improve my mood.



She's EVIL and she is trying to DROWN ME!!!

February 21st 2006 6:52 pm
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My mother is EVIL!!! She tried to drown me and that's the truth!!!

It was a day like any other...I was hoping down from the dryer after having a bite to eat (it was really tasty food, by the way) when out of NOWHERE she grabbed me!!! We wrestled for a minute and then she pinned me and started taking my toes one by one! I kept hearing "SNIP, SNIP, SNIP". It didn't hurt, but I knew what she was doing. She was cutting my claws and I don't appreciated it. Doesn't she know that I USE them on a REGULAR BASIS? I mean, how does she think the chair in the corner got that beautiful frayed look? CLAWS LADY CLAWS!!!

Anyways, she had a pretty good hold on me so she managed to get them all. Needless to say, I wasn't too happy. But I was ready for her put me down so I could go over to the scratching post and start working on them again. But she didn't put me down. Instead she took me into the kitchen and put me in the sink. I thought "WOW!! I NEVER get to be up here, wonder if there is any good food up here" then it happened. WATER...WATER EVERYWHERE!!! ALL OVER ME!!!! Is this woman CRAZY? Does she not remember I am a CAT and avoid water at all costs??? But she didn't stop! I think she was trying to drown me! So, I fought back. That's right, I flung my sopping wet body at her until we were both soaking from head to toe. I mean if I'm going to be wet better we ALL be wet together, right? Well, it didn't take long for my evil mother to realize that she was fighting a losing battle. SO, she finally stopped trying to drown me and wrapped me up in towels. I think she felt bad...and she should!!! I mean, how RUDE!!

But, the evil woman didn't stop there! Next she took me into the bathroom and shut the door. Then she pointed this thing that looked like a gun at me!!! I shouted "DON'T SHOOT" and it BLASTED me with cold air!!!! She has gone completely insane! Now she is trying to blow all of my hair off!!!!! What is with this crazy lady????? Finally she realized that wasn't going to work either and gave up. I high tailed it out of there as soon as the door opened!!!

A little later I was walking around reveling in my victory when I noticed a handsome fellow walk by me. I stopped to take a look thinking to myself "now THAT is one hansome guy" and then I realized it was me!!!!! That evil woman was totally unsuccessful in her quest to drown/freeze me to death!!! HA! Score one for me! Make that score TWO for me because I looked SO GOOD doing it!!!

Dang I'm good......


What IS that thing??

April 29th 2005 11:08 pm
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So the other day my mom and dad came home with something new. I knew it was something interesting, but they wouldn't let me in the room to see it. Later on in the day, I managed to get in the room...I walked into the bathroom (where my food and litterbox used to be) and....WHAT IN THE HECK IS THAT THING???????

I wasn't too sure what it was, but I knew I didn't like it. I didn't see it again for a few days, but I couldn't get in the room to investigate. Mom and dad were keeping the door closed. This didn't make me very happy. You see, my cow was in the room. You know, the cow I like to nurse on? What was I going to do??? FINALLY, my dad wised up and brought the cow out in to the living room. I walked right over to that cow and started nursing on it. Man....after I got my fix, I felt much better!

Anyways, I finally got to see what it was they brought home. Turns out it's a kitten. Pesky little thing, if you ask me. Purrs ALL THE TIME. Boy was I pissed at mom and dad and I let them know it too! Everytime that little kitten was around and they picked me up to give me hugs and kisses, I growled and hissed. I'm pretty sure they knew I wasn't very happy with the situation. But, what I soon learned is that he smaller than me. ..and I can ALWAYS beat him at Smackdown. I like to run up behind him and flatten him under my belly. His little legs flail all over the place! He usually gives me a bite or two, but it doesn't hurt. I just keep him pinned down until he cries uncle. Boy is that fun!!!! But, mom butts in every once in a while. She says I am a little too rough on him. I guess she doesn't remember what it was like for me when I first came to live with them. Dumb and Dumber were always ganging up on me.

Now that he has been around for a few weeks, I'm learning to like him. I mean, having a kid brother isn't too bad. I know that mom and dad still love me...they tell me so all the time. I think I'll let him stay...for now.

I'll let you know how things progress...
Meow for now!


I'm being raised by dogs...and it shows

January 10th 2005 11:18 pm
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My mom and dad say that I think I'm a dog. Isn't that what I am? I mean I've learned a lot from Brodie and Stella since I moved in 5 months ago. Let's see....what I have learned:

Chewing things is a good thing...keeps your teeth clean. For instance, I like to chew on cardboard, it scrapes off the plaque. Nothing wrong with that, right?

Always keep them guessing as to whether or not you are coming in from outside (I learned this one from Brodie). Be sure to AT LEAST hold out for a treat! And pretend you don't see mom getting mad when you won't go this by sniffing things and look at her out of the corner of your eye. This really gets her going.

In dog packs, there is always an Alpha Male....that's me! :) I prove it to Brodie everyday when I flit my tail at him in front of mom and dad. And of course Stella knows I'm the Alpha....'cuz I always pin her when we play SMACKDOWN!!

Toys are made to make noise. I don't get toys with squeakers like the I find other things that make wrappers. Those are the best.

Fight tooth and nail (no pun intended) when mom tries to cut your claws.

The best place to sleep at night is in the bed with mom and dad (I learned this one from Stella). Preferably you move around a lot to insure that mom and dad don't get a good nights sleep.

See? It isn't so bad being raised by dogs! But there is one thing I know that I'm not sharing with the dogs...make sure everything is on your terms...they obviously haven't completely grasped this concept (especially Stella).

Meow for now!


My first experience with snow

January 9th 2005 11:20 pm
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So a couple of days ago, I was minding my own business...darting out the back door when I stepped in this white crunchy stuff. MAN!!! Was it cold. What is this stuff I wondered? Then I saw dumb and dumber up in the backyard running around like idiots having the time of their lives. I on the other hand was not so sure about this stuff. But, I decided to investigate further. After I took a few steps and licked the stuff....I thought to myself , "hmmm....this stuff isn't too bad" and decided to venture out into it. I didn't stay out too long, 'cuz mom had to go to work, but I got to see more of it today! This time there was more of it and since I had already experienced it, I decided to really get out there and check this stuff out! I wandered all about the backyard, and I even resisted when my mom tried to entice me inside with treats. Are you kidding? This stuff is REALLY cool, I'm not coming inside for a stupid treat. But finally, it got too I came back inside. Then my mom and dad took dumb and dumber for a walk. When my mom got something out of the coat closet, I ran inside of it. The door closed...then all there was was darkness. I realized I couldn't get out so I waited for someone to find me. About an hour or so later, my mom and dad came home with the dogs and I heard them calling for me. I wanted to cry out to them, but I didn't (don't ask me why). dad opened the door and rescued me! He told my mom "see, this is the second time he has run in there and got stuck in the closet". I guess I need to be more careful from now on.

Anyways, that's about all that is new!
Meow for now!


Ack!!! They are taking my toes one by one!!!

November 12th 2004 1:23 pm
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Help!!! Last night my mom was trying to cut off my toes!!! She picked me up...I thought "oh hey, I'm gonna get some pets" but then she took one of my paws and pushed down on it until my first claw became exposed. Next thing I know...she has cut off part of my claw. I said "HEY!!!! I NEED THAT!!! AND I CERTAINLY DON'T APPRECIATE YOU CUTTING IT OFF!!!!". Just like that at the top of my lungs. THEN....SHE DID IT AGAIN!!! To the next one. Can you believe it? This time I really let her know that I didn't appreciate it by biting her hand. I mean SERIOUSLY...does she think that those are used for NOTHING? Umm...HELLO???? Let's see....I need them to get a good hold on Stella's leg, I need them to climb up the furniture, they make it WAY easier to get a grip on my toys. See? There are a lot of things I use them for. And she has NO RIGHT TO CUT THEM OFF!!!! I struggled and fought...and I managed to come out of the whole thing with one claw still intact...ahh....victory. She said something about them growing back, but I ask you WHAT DO I DO UNTIL THEN?????? Ugh...guess I'm just going to have to scratch the back of the couch until they get nice and sharp again!!

Meow for now!


Alright already!!!

November 5th 2004 10:52 pm
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Ok...know this... my mom will be trascribing exactly what I have to say, because I am right here supervising.

So...I'm pretty sure my mom is trying to make me blind. She keeps sticking that little, silver square box in my face and then this blinding light comes on. I swear that I am STILL seeing stars! Sheesh, you'd think she'd be satisfied by now that I am COMPLETELY blind. She doesn't follow dumb and dumber around with that thing, why me? Ugh...

I think I am finally through my growing streak. I haven't fallen in the toilet for about 3 weeks. In fact, I am now big enough to just look over the seat of the toilet and see the water swirl! That is SO cool...have you ever seen the toilet swirl? I love to watch it...I wonder how it does that? Now that I have gotten bigger, I can really stick it to my dog sister Stella. I love to hide and jump out of the shadows and chomp on her leg like it's a ham bone! Yum! As for Brodie (aka dumber), I like to remind him who's boss in front of my mom and dad. I walk in front of him and swish my tail at him. I know it really makes him mad, but there ain't nothing he can do about it when mom and dad are around. I will let you in on a little secret....when mom and dad aren't around, I totally rule the house! I let Brodie make it look like he is the king when mom and dad are home, but when they aren't here...I put the smackdown on him. I have him wimpering in the corner like a little baby. Pretty sad actually!! HA HA HA HA!!! wsssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssscxddddddddddddddddd21 (oops...that was me typing...I doubt anyone can understand that. Just let your cat read it...they'll understand).

Well...that's about all I have to report!

Meow for now!


How embarrassing.....

October 12th 2004 12:12 pm
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Dear Diary,

I fell in the toilet yesterday....and the day before that. Good thing only my mom was around to see it, but she sure did get a good laugh. I think I am going through some growing pains right now. See, I have these REALLY big paws that trip me up when I walk...yeah, I'm pretty sure they are the reason I fell in the toilet. But, that sure doesn't stop me from jumping up and having a look every time it does that "swirly" thing. That's cool. Maybe that's why I fell in...I was mesmerized....good thing the water was clean!

Oooh...and another thing!! I have lost two, count them TWO of my baby teeths(the fangs). Now I have two big ones on the bottom and I have a total of 4 on the top. Yeah, I do look pretty funny, but my mom says I'll lose two of the ones on top 'cuz she says two of them are my baby teeth too. Can't wait for that, then I can REALLY chomp down on my dog sister Stella!!!

Let's see...what else do I have new to report? Oh yeah, those stupid dogs...the other night they thought it would be funny to chase me in the yard. I got away from them by running under the fence. Ha, that showed 'em. But then my mom had to come and get me 'cuz I couldn't figure how to get back into my yard. I think I'll go check it out again so I know where to go next time.

That's it for now!!! Don't tell anyone about my falling in the toilet!!

Meow for now!


Where's the milk?

September 25th 2004 11:01 pm
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I don't get it. I knead and suck, knead and suck and this dang cow isn't giving up any of her milk! What's the deal? What does a kitty have to do to get some milk around here?


Just another day....

September 24th 2004 8:46 pm
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So my mom put this thing around my neck last is really annoying. It has a bell on it and gives away my position to those pesky dogs. So today while my mom and dad were at work, I managed to get it off! Whoo...sweet freedom. Now those dogs don't know when I'm coming. I'm incognito......

Anywhoo....After a long day of tormenting dumb and dumber, I managed to get outside for a sniff of fresh air. When I got back inside I went to use the litterbox (yes, OF COURSE I waited until I was back inside, don't want to get the paws dirty). Anyways, when I got back inside I went to use the litterbox, and it was DIRTY!!! I found a much more acceptable place to go and made sure it was near my mom and dad so they could smell it. Then the big brute Brodie came over and cleaned it up for me. My mom and dad were hollering at him...I don't think he is supposed to be impersonating a garbage man...sicko. Oh well, now the spot is clean for next time.

What's in store for tonight you ask? SMACKDOWN!!!! And Stella can't hear me coming, 'cuz I got rid of that dang bell. Moowahahaha. Life is good.....

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