I still miss you, my Bugsy!

I think of you every time I look at the tv and see things sitting on it - you would never have put up with that! Stubby has suddenly decided to take your place on top of the recliner. I think all the other kitties still miss you - they just can't figure out how to tell me when the water dish needs to be refilled or that they can see the bottom of the food dish. I miss your head butts - none of the others do that to me. But I know you are waiting for me and having fun while you are waiting. Love you, my Bugsy! Love, Mom

Until we meet again

I found this poem today - I don't know who wrote it and I really hope they don't mind if I use it here - this is how I feel about my beloved Bugsy.

Until We Meet Again

Until We Meet Again

I know what you're thinking. You think I'm dead. Because you cannot see me with your human eye, Cannot feel me with your hands or hold me in your arms you think I am gone forever. You recall how I looked when I left this place and you cannot remotely imagine that I could possibly be alive in another place. You are racked and torn by the pain of our separation and it blinds you to that which is right in front of you ... me.


How many times since I left your immediate sight have you been told that I'm dead and you should "get over it?" How many times have you cried yourself to sleep because you feel like an outcast, believing you're supposed to get over me because that's what people say is normal but somehow you can't and no one seems to understand?


How many times have you put yourself through such excruciating pain because you aren't willing to consider that I am not, by any means, dead?


I want you to do me a favour and go back in time with me. Remember the glorious day you brought me home - was I not the most intriguing creature you'd ever met? Did I not make you laugh and giggle? Did I not look at you with such adoration that you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with me? I wanted this too.

Remember the days when I was in my prime and we did many things together. You were so proud of me! I was a good friend and I took care of you when you cried, were angry or felt down and unhappy. When you didn't have a lot of time for me because of your obligations, I waited patiently for you. I was always there when you needed me. Did I not look at you with such acceptance and patience that at times you felt perhaps a bit unworthy? You were never unworthy in my eyes.

Remember when age crept up on me, my bones became stiff and my movements slower. Still I met you at the door when you came home and followed you around the house. We'd been together for so long, I was your very best friend regardless of what you were doing, saying, thinking. Did I not look at you with such kindness and understanding that you felt overwhelmed? I couldn't get enough of you.

Remember the last time we saw each other with earthly eyes. You tried to be brave but I knew you were crying ... I know you so well. Better than anyone else in the whole world. Did I not look at you with such pure trust and love that you yearned only to hold me close and keep me with you always? Did you not promise that you would love me forever? I believed you.

If this is so then why have you let me go by thinking I no longer exist?

Remember the depth in my eyes all those times I looked at you with adoration, acceptance, patience, trust and love. Who created this depth and love? Would the Creator diminish the song of our laughter which was created in the name of love? I am no longer an earthly figure, this is true. My body was only part of who I really am. My body would have been but a mere shell on earth if it were not filled to overflowing with my soul, my spirit, my loving light. When we met you thought I was cute, sweet, pretty and adorable. But what kind of relationship would we have had if this is all that I'd been? How could you have loved me if I'd had no spiritual substance?

We are all made up of energy which resides far deep down inside of us, it is our core, our soul, spirit and loving light. It is the energy that is all of life ... it has no beginning, it has no end. It simply is and always will be and without it there is no life. You can't see it with the naked eye nor can you hold it in your hand, it is simply a certain knowing that this energy does exist. It's a knowing just as you know that our love existed on earth - you couldn't see our love in a solid sense, you couldn't gather it all up and confine it to one place. But you *knew* it existed. There was no doubt in your mind.

They demand you get over me, insisting that I'm dead and you'll never see me again because animals don't go to Heaven. Oh really? I'm here to tell you different. You were worthy of my love and undying devotion on earth as I was of yours. Do you really believe this love would be snatched from us *forever* by a loving Creator simply because I wasn't human? Was I not a living, breathing creation with personality? How could I have been so if I didn't possess the energy of soul, spirit and loving light? And if this energy is and always will be, then how can it be that I am dead? If my core is not of the energy that is all of life then I was never alive to begin with. But you know better.

You cry because you miss me, this I understand. I miss you too - I miss the belly rubs, hugs and kisses that we shared. But life does go on beyond these wonderful, fulfilling physical connections. I came to this place to live a whole new life, not because I didn't love you anymore or because I wanted something better. I came here because it was time for me to go to the next phase of my existence, something all living creatures must do eventually. It is the normal progression of life. I was not taken away from you because you cannot take away that which was never owned. My presence in your life was and is a gift to be cherished and honoured just as I cherish and honour you.

Life is not simply about being born into a body, living a certain number of years and then dying. Energy cannot die. We are blessed with time in a body so that we can learn, share and grow. It prepares us for the next phase of our eternal life. The body holds within it the true life force of our existence...our soul, spirit and loving light. Without these our bodies would be empty, blank, void of feeling and expression. Without our energy we would indeed be dead and could never have experienced our love for each other.

You say that all you have left are memories. Not so. You see, when I took leave of my earthly body I left a little something behind for you. You can't touch it, hold it or examine it for what I left behind is far too uninhibited for confinement. I left behind a piece of my soul. I placed it right next to your own which is quite fitting as we were always side by side in our earthly life together. I love you too much to have left you with nothing but memories which tend to fade and grow cloudy as the years go by. I love you too much to have vanished without a trace. How selfish it would be of me to remove love and light from your life.

I understand your tears, each one you shed is testament to your love for me and I am honoured and humbled. But don't forget the good things we shared - remember and smile. This is an honour for me as well. And when you need me I will be here. Close your eyes, relax, take slow, deep breaths and picture me in your mind. Shut off the world and your notions of what death is and give me a chance. Look for the subtle signs I send you. Don't stop being proud of me, I am a friend to be proud of, I am still your friend and soul mate. Don't memorialise the death of my body but instead honour and celebrate my never-ending life for it is eternal and forever as is my love for you.

Until we meet again...


(Author Unknown)

I will always love and miss you, my little Boo-Boo!
Mommy

Now my mom isn't feeling so good!

I am trying my best to try to make her feel better. They took her to the human vet place last Monday and kept her there for a couple of days. She said she hurt in her chest and felt like I was hugging her way too tight. They did all kinds of things to her that made me feel really bad for her - it looked like it really hurt! But - she told me that they gave her stuff that made it better for her. Then they said they didn't know what was wrong. They said it might be "stress" - whatever that is! They gave her some pills and she takes them alot better than I ever did! She says the pain almost all goes away when she takes their pills - but she gets kind of sleepy. I almost got excited thinking that I was going to be able to hug her again really soon - then I remembered that if I get to hug her, that means the earth kitties won't! I want to hug her but I can wait. So - please - all my friends - purr really hard for my mom that she will feel alot better really soon! Purrs - Bugsy

I got my wings!

It made Mom cry when she saw them, but she thinks they look beautiful! I think it helps her see that I am happy waiting here at the bridge. She likes to look at the picture and look into my eyes - we always look into each others eyes when she gives me lovin - she says she really misses that! Thank you, Krishna, for the wings! Mom still really misses me - do you think she will ever get better? The other kitties try to make her feel better, but she thinks of me and feels sad. She misses Kissy, too - she says she lost her two "special" kitties. At least I was special! But - she says the other kitties are special, too, in their own special ways. Anyway - check out the wings! I'm going to try them out! Purrs - Bugsy

To my Bugsy Boo-Boo Kitty

I just miss you so much! I can actually put something on top of the tv now and no one knocks it off. I know I complained to you about it - now I just miss it so much! Your brothers have stopped looking for you now - most times. They kind of look around when it's time to all curl up in the recliner to sleep. They look up at the top of the recliner where you always laid. No one lays up there now. Sometimes when Dusty is all curled up asleep, I think for an instant that it is you. I miss your beautiful blue eyes! I miss your loving head-butts - and the way you would roll over to have your belly rubbed! Your brothers don't like to do that. Tyler and Hayley - you remember the grandkids - cried when they found that you were gone. Hayley said "Bugsy was the best kitty ever!" and Tyler said that you were the one that he loved to cuddle. Sometimes I think I hear your "wow" very faintly - then I remember that you are gone. It does help thinking about you running and playing again in the sun - you never got to go outside very much. And you are with your furmommy and daddy - Simba and Felix. I hope Simba has a better attitude now! Your brothers and the rest of the kitties are special - but you have a special place in my heart that will always be a little empty without you! I just want to hug you again! I will see you when I get there! Until then - I love you, Boo-Boo! All my love, Mommy

From my mommy!

Thank you all for being there for me! It is so good to know that I am not the only one that loves their furbabies so much it hurts! And to know that through Catster, Bugsy will not be forgotten. I thank you all for all the gifts for my sweet little baby. I remember the day he was born - and I was the first to hold him. I have lots and lots of good memories of him - and they get me through the rough times. I still think I hear his "Wow" - he never meowed - he just wowed. I wish I could tell you enough to let you know how he really was - but I just can't describe him. He was such a sweetheart! The grandkids adored him - he would turn over and let them rub his belly and cuddle him. I will never get over missing him - but I will get through it. If I can get rid of the guilt that I have over letting them give him the shot. What if he would have perked up in a day or too? I don't THINK that he would have, but what if! What if I could have had another day - another week - another year - with him? What if? I want my baby back! It's not fair!

I crossed the bridge today at 1:45

Oh, my Bugsy baby! This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do! I know you are no longer in pain, but I hurt so bad! You were my sweetest baby ever! I just hope you know how much you are loved! I will see you at the bridge!

I'm not well today

I don't feel right and Mom can't figure out what is wrong with me. I am not cleaning myself like normal and I either just want to lay down or walk around slowly crying. It's making mom really sad. She's afraid that I am going to go to the bridge soon. I'm 19 and I've had a good life. But Mom keeps telling me that she doesn't want me to go. Please send purrs for us both!