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Roger's Ravings

Sue. I HATE her!

February 3rd 2013 6:23 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 7 people already have ]

There's a girl name Sue-Doh-Moan-Us living in my sinuses. She's an ugly thing and makes me sneeze all the time and have goobers in my nose.

Because of this Sue broad, I had to go to college! I went to Texas A&M and saw the august Dr. John August, who is a world renowned feline internal medicine specialist. He liked me a lot, especially because I wore a Texas A&M t-shirt. He's British, and he kept saying "Roger is a lovely boy". While I was in college, I had a CAT scan. What? Like they didn't KNOW I was a cat? And they did by-op-sees of my sinuses.

I took antibiotics for 5 months and then got off them. Within a few weeks, I was sneezing again. Then Mom found out that I will probably never be cured of this Sue stuff. It may eventually make me real sick, but I'm not real sick now. I play and purr and have a good time with Stuart and Mom, and I pick on Helen.

I'm officially a college dropout and I hope to NEVER go back. I'll probably be on antibiotics on and off all my life. I'm pretty good about taking capsules, but I DON'T like liquids. Mom gives me treats after I take my medicine, so that's kind of cool.

But I wish that stupid girl Sue would just leave me alone!


Scaredy Cats of the World, UNITE!

April 14th 2012 6:17 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 7 people already have ]

My name is Roger, and I am a scaredy cat. I'm scared of everything. That shows good sense, if you ask me.

My Mom is annoyed by this characteristic of mine. But really, who cares? Let me explain:

When Mom wakes up in the morning, I am a lovey-dovey boy. Then she takes off her jammies and I head under the bed. Just picture the visual of a fat old lady with no clothes. Under the bed is where we ALL belong.

While she is in the shower I come out and hang out with her while she dresses and brushes her teeth. When she puts on her shoes, it's back under the bed. Shoes and the vet go hand in hand, so that is definitely a time to hide.

When she leaves for work, I hide under a chair so I can watch her leave so I know I'm safe. If she comes back in the house for any reason, I race to the bedroom and scoot under the bed.

When she comes home from work, I hide under the bed, in case she's thinking of an afternoon vet visit. If she tries to grab me and stuff me in the stroller for a walk, I hide under the bed.

If anyone comes to our house, I head straight for the bed. Where ELSE would a self-respecting scaredy cat be?

My Mom says she hates this part of my personality and says: "He's no Arnold". Mr. Arnold must have been very brave.

But I think I'm smart, because you can never be too careful. And you can never know when some horror will overtake you. What do YOU think?

I'm Roger, I'm a scaredy cat, and I'm proud!


I'm defective!

October 4th 2011 4:39 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 9 people already have ]

Newman says I'm SPECIAL, but really, I'm defective.

A LONG time ago, Mom noticed that I ALWAYS have a little black spot on my butt. Imagine if I walked by you and you looked at my butt. Right under my tail is 12 o'clock. The direction toward my boy parts is 6 o'clock.

Well, a long time ago, when she noticed the black spot, she tried to clean it. I was just tiny then. When she cleaned it off, it was hard like a rock. It wasn't a poopie, really, just a tiny remnant of poopie. She noticed that I have a little fold of tissue at that 12 o'clock spot.

The last time I was at the vet, they gave me some weird stuff to breath and I got really sleepy. While I was sleeping, the vet looked at my butt and saw how the poopie dust collects in that little fold. He said I was defective.

So I'm a little afraid that Mom may return me and try to get a non-defective kitty instead of me. I'm REAL afraid that she's gonna be cleaning my butt forever. Altho, I must admit, it feels good when that stuff comes off. I always wash myself after she cleans the fold.

I wonder if she returns me, if I'll find another Mom to clean my butt...


Talks With Mom

September 23rd 2011 3:31 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 3 people already have ]

Mom broke out my new middle name for the first time today. Helen and I were playing. Someone growled and Mom said:

"Roger Eugene! Can't you play nice with Helen?"


"Don't you remember nursing on Helen and how she took care of you?"


"Typical man!"

What the heck does THAT mean?


So many levels! And an announcement.

September 22nd 2011 3:50 am
[ Leave A Comment | 5 people already have ]

Helen is a hooker and I'M getting punished. She gets bloody poopies and I have to take medicine. Think about how many levels on which that is wrong. I've run out of fingers and toes to count the levels.

*DRUM ROLL* I have a new middle name! Mom held a contest to see what would be a good middle name for her to yell at me. And there were some GOOD choices! But she decided my middle name is Eugene. So my whole name is Roger Eugene. Mom said if I hear that name I'm in BIG trouble. I hope I never hear it!


I'm a Teenager!

June 28th 2011 5:23 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 7 people already have ]

Mom says I am definitely a teenager now.

I like to play with things that are not toys. (Toilet paper)
I hang out in the bathroom all day.
I look at myself in the mirror every chance I get.
I get in the shower at least twice a day.
I make a mess.
I'm noisy.
I don't pick up after myself.

YAY for teenager-ness! I'm having FUN!!!


Talks with Mom

June 26th 2011 6:20 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 5 people already have ]

I was storing my sparkle balls in Mom's shoe. I think I inherited my love of spakle balls from Mr. Arnold.

Mom: What are you doing, Roger?

Me: Meow

Mom: Are you having fun?

Me: Meow

So, she doesn't know if I was having fun or not. What do you think?


Into The Crypt

June 23rd 2011 4:33 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 10 people already have ]

This is my first diary entry and I don't know anything about writing, so bear with me.

I have been struggling with ringy-dingy. (Ringworm) I had to go to the place my pal Cody works and Cody would give me a baff in some stuff that smelled like rotten eggs. It was gruesome! But I like Cody, which is kind of weird, I know!

So Mom decided I should take pills instead, and the vet guy agreed. But before I could take them, they had to suck all my blood out to find out if my liver and inside stuff was healthy. Do NOT ask me what a liver is, but Mom says you need one to be a live-r.

Anyway, my liver is good, and my FIV and leukemia tests are all negative. There was one test that was positive, tho. It's called (Mom takes over typing) cryptosporidium.

This crypt thing may mean I had a tiny infection and I'm all well. Or it may mean that I'm gonna develop FIP sometime. The test is too nonspecific to know which it means.

I feel really good, and I'm taking my pills like a big boy. My ringy-dingy is disappearing, and I am having a ball in this house with Helen and Mom.

Mom says I'm a terribly bad boy, but I know she loves me. She wants to trade me in for a healthy boy, but she loves my little ringy-dingy face. I'm staying right where I am. I know I am Mom's last kitten. She's too old for little guys like me anymore. So I need to stay healthy.

I don't need purrs or anything, 'cause I'm fine. But maybe you could put some purrs in a bank for me in case I ever need them.

I sure like having all of you as pals, and I plan on being your pal for many years to come! We all love you! Thanks for reading my diary!

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