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Toby's Diary

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Intruder alert

December 8th 2014 10:46 pm
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I was patrolling in the garden when the fearsome beast arrived. I quickly ran back indoors. I wasn't scared of course. I just wanted to check that my mum and Josie were OK.

"Intruder Alert!" I warned them. "This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill."

I kept up my guarding of our boundaries, pacing the big window and then running to the back door and giving my most menacing growls and blood-curdling yodels. All to no avail, the beast continued his march towards our home.

"What is it?" asked my mum. She was peering out but she has embarrassingly bad eyesight at night. So she opened the window to get a better look.

The beast gave a fearsome yowl.

"I know that squeak," said my mum. "Hallo Jasper."

Squeak? Squeak! That was no squeak. But it was indeed Jasper, the kitten from next door. I say kitten, he is growing fast.

"I think he wants to play," said my mum, unhelpfully. I think he is set on world domination, starting with our home. Anyway our defences held firm and, thanks to my calm leadership and strong prescence, we are all OK.


Mums should not party

December 7th 2014 11:03 pm
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On Friday evening my mum put on her party dress and went out and didn't come home for hours and hours - leaving us poor cats to amuse ourselves as best we could.

It probably wasn't the best thing she could have done for her cold and poor throat and she came back all croaky again. She was telling us that she sat next to someone who was telling her that he doesn't like cats but he had met this one special one hanging round his allotment. These stories always make my mum smile as she reckons every cat is special and some people start saying they don't like cats, then meet one special one and before you know it they are cat lovers.

Anyway as she chatted she was in the kitchen to make herself a soothing mug of cocoa before bed. Saucepan? Check. Milk? Check. Mug? Check. Cocoa?

And here's where it went wrong. The tub of cocoa slipped from her hand and fell to the floor. I don't know if you've ever seen a nearly full tub of cocoa powder explode but it really is quite something. Brown powder covered every surface and the air smelled of chocolate.

There was a moment's silence, punctuated by the burbling of warming milk.

Then my mum said something I shan't repeat so as not to sully any kitten's ears. She cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. And Saturday morning cleaned and cleaned and cleaned again. That cocoa got everywhere.

Serves her right. Had she stayed home with us all evening this would never have happened.


My mum is getting betterer

December 4th 2014 10:21 pm
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She has her voice back albeit a little croaky. It doesn't really make much difference. We still ignore her - unless she is saying "Dinner time cats!"

She does have a cough now though. It's very selfish as poor Josie struggles to sleep through them. Josie likes to perch on my mum at night but she likes my mum still and asleep not cougheffty cough and awake.

I wonderered if she did her telling people stuff and she said she did even though her boss said to her not to. She said it was OK as when she designs training there's a lot for people to be doing and not so much my mum talking. She didn't want to let them down when they were expecting training.

Josie and I are both in excellent health and spirits. I'm glad that cats don't get colds. They don't look like much fun.


My mum is not well

December 3rd 2014 10:49 pm
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No - don't feel sorry for her. She feels sorry enough for herself. Luckily we don't have to listen to her moaning on as she has lost her voice.

I'm pretty sure she was asking Josie to move from her seat yesterday - and I'm pretty sure Josie knew that too - but all we could hear was squeaking. Josie looked at her solemnly.

"That's right," she said, "That is just how the mouse goes. Squeak, Squeak, Squeak!"

In the end mum flounced off to the other end of the sofa. To be fair the outcome would probably have been the same even if my mum had a voice.

This morning at work she is telling people stuff. She still thinks she's going to do it; her boss thinks they won't be able to hear her. I would say unless they are bats with sonic hearing her boss is right!


Haunted House

December 2nd 2014 10:39 pm
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My mum has a very enquiring mind. She is always asking questions.

"Who is my handsome boy?" That's me. I thought we had cleared that one up the last time.

"Is anyone hungry?" Yes. Both me and Josie are. Even if we aren't, just in case.

"Do you know how much I love you?" Remind me.

But yesterday her question was, "Why are there paw prints on the kitchen counter?"

Given there were no biscuits up there (don't ask me how I know that; I just do) and there were biscuits in our bowl neither Josie nor me had any reason to be up there.

"We don't know. Ask us another thing that we do know," I suggested.

"One of you knows," said my mum darkly. I thought fast.

"There was that ghost cat wandering around today," I said, nudging Josie.

"I saw it too," said Josie. "It went wooooowoooo and walked on the side with muddy paws."

Mum sighed and fetched a cloth to clean the sides. "Well if you see the ghost again can you ask it to wipe its paws next time,"

We got away with it!!


Josie does her thing

December 1st 2014 10:50 pm
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I came in at the weekend to find mum busy making cards for Christmas.

"What do ours look like this year?" I asked.

"We don't know," responded Josie, somewhat tartly, "Ours aren't made yet. She's doing her own first."

"I hope you've been helping," I asked with a wink.

"Oh yes," said Josie.

And she had. She started with a full-on tug of war with some jewellery wire, then took to knocking piles of felt off the table and then ninja raids, the sudden pounce out of nowhere and theft of items currently being used. This leads to a chase as my mum (probably rightly) doesn't trust Josie not to swallow stuff.

"I think she's learned her lesson," said Josie smugly. "It will be ours first next year."

"The reason I haven't made yours is because I haven't been able to get a decent photo," complained my mum. "All I want is one of the two of you together. Is that too much to ask?"


We had no internet yesterday morning. On those mornings I am torn between annoyance at not being able to get my Catster updates and happy because I get more of my mum's attention.


What is it?

November 27th 2014 10:35 pm
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Mum had a dangly thing with her yesterday - sort of string with things hanging off. When she has a thing in the one hand and her camera in the other it's never going to be good news. I made myself scarce.

Josie had no such qualms.

"Oooh - Dangly thing!" she exclaimed and she was off, chasing it. Mum was taking pictures and seemed pleased with Josie.

"Come on Tobes," she said, waving it in my direction. But I was having none of it.

She later said it is another gift for us from her manager's daughter. Little Madison drew pictures of things cats like to chase - a mouse, a ball, a fish and a smiley dog and attached them to a piece of string for us. Mum wanted a picture so she could show how much we liked it.

She'll just have to show how much Josie liked it. I'm still not sure.



November 26th 2014 10:49 pm
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Normally on a Wednesday evening my mum goes out but yesterday she got a phone call.

"Yes, that will be fine. OK" she said and then "I have one hour to get this place respectable!" So Josie and I made ourselves scarce as that usually entails the hoover. We are not fans of the hoover.

When I came back in peoples were sitting all around. Mum's House Group were meeting at ours this time. My mum had stolen my bed to sit on. I wandered in and politely said hello to everyone and had a good sniff in their handbags in case any of them had kitty treats in there. They didn't. Mum did tell me it's not good manners to dip a paw in a visitor's bag but she had a crinkly bag that required further investigation.

They were reading and talking and frankly I wasn't getting enough attention so I wandered into the middle of the room, stretched myself out as big as could be and tickled the nearest foot. Everyone laughed and that pleased me. I then just joined in every now and then with a helpful meow when I could make some contribution to the topic under discussion.

Then Josie came in. She was a bit shy at first and stayed by my mum but seeing that I was the one they were looking at she wanted some attention too so she went crazy cat - running here, there and everywhere.

Mum said it was lucky that they all like cats as we weren't the best behaved we've ever been. I thought we were quite lovely and helped everyone feel at home.


My mum says some weird things

November 25th 2014 10:37 pm
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She was late home last night and Josie and I wanted to go out. So Josie asked, very politely, for my mum to hold the door open for her. My mum did do that and then Josie pushed her head out of the doorway and sniffed the air. She was considering the damp, the smells - what other cats have been around, was she better off indoors? Lots to think about.

"Get a move on. I have better things to do than stand here holding the door," said my mum. No she hasn't.

"I don't know why I do this. The whole point of a cat flap is that you can come in and out by yourselves," she added.

"No we can't" I said, firmly.

I got the cold look. "Before I went away I washed the kitchen floor. When I came back there were lots of muddy paw prints around your cat flap so at least one of you used it and used it lots."

Sighs. It's not like you see my mum having to push any doors with her head. It's just not dignified. So yes, in an emergency, we can open our own door but why would we? We need my mum to feel useful and be opening it for us.

Josie did go out, as did I, but not for long. The damp plays havoc with the fur. We were out just long enough to top up the mud on our paws to replace what my mum had cleaned up. More making her feel useful. We are the cats that keep on giving!


Cats should be dignified

November 24th 2014 10:39 pm
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We had a lovely day with my mum yesterday. Then at one point she picked up a bag and said she was going next door as she had brought them a gift to say thank you for feeding us. Only they had gone out so we still have the bag.

"Did you bring us anything back?" I asked. Compensation for her absence is surely our due.

You could see the thoughts whirring and then a smile, "Yes, I did." She delved in her handbag and produced a bag of kitty treats. "One of my friends gave me these for you."

She has some good friends.

Then I as I was munching I noticed something. "Were you peckish on your journey back?"

For the bag had been opened and presumably some treats removed. I've never seen my mum eat kitty treays but there's always a first time.

"There's a cat at the venue called George. She lifts a paw for treats. It's so cute. I had to demonstrate several times."

"She does what?" I was really hoping I had misheard.

"She sits there and raises a pretty-please paw," said my mum.

We will never do that. We have our pride. We get given our treats and do not perform for them.

"I think I may have spoiled you two," commented my mum.

You cannot spoil a cat. Nothing is too good for us.

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