An Angel's Notes for the Day

3 years today

July 10th 2011 8:31 am
[ View A Comments (34) ]

Well, it's 3 years today my little girl went to the bridge. 3 years ago today my life changed forever and I had no idea at the time how much. 3 years ago today I lost my daughter, my soul mate, my sunshine. Why she had to die in order for me to do all of this I don't know. I had tried making a bargain with god that if she could live, I'd spend the rest of my life helping other kitties with these diseases. Still, he took her away. I was very, very angry. Sometimes I still am. Why couldn't she have been the one to live? Why did she have to suffer so much and leave me the traumatic way she did? She was the sweetest baby that ever lived.

It's okay, I'm not going to spend the day crying and sad. I've done enough of that these last 3 years. Losing 2 family members within 2 days at the end of June exhausted me to no end. I say this all now, but it's early. I may change my mind later and the tears might just flow without my control. Who knows. But however I feel without her it doesn't change anything. She's really gone and she's really not coming back.

It's getting harder after 3 years to remember all those little details. I have to really think hard, although I wrote them all down and they are in the back of my memory tucked away for safe keeping. It's better this way. To bring them all up to the surface again would cause my soul to ache. But yes, I will spend the day remembering the good times. The day she told me "I'm yours now and there's nothing you can do about it. So just give in and love me, MOL". That was the day I KNEW I had received an angel in my life. She was with me for only 5 years. Way too short a time. Now she's an angel again and guides me to the kitties that need our help.

I hope those kitties know what a special and beautiful guardian they have on their shoulders, wrapping her wings around them for comfort and support. They are very, very lucky indeed. I see her wings growing bigger and bigger as time goes by. Her presence is still here in the house and I see her out of the corner of my eye, running and playing with Finney and Lacey. Letting me know she's fine and she's keeping her eye on them, (which is no easy task, MOL). Let's face it...life changes on a whim and the ultimate struggle is to learn to adjust to a new reality in the course of that one day. It's harsh but it's the way things are.

I hate the word death, even though I know death isn't pretty, it can peaceful sometimes and other times gruesome. I wish we said something like "they've moved away to live in another dimension". Or "they've been picked in a raffle to live on a beautiful cloud in a luxurious place full of love and happiness". That sounds so much better. Don't you think? So that's what I'm going to say today.

3 years ago today, Alex was picked to live in a gorgeous place full of love, peace and happiness. Have a wonderful day at the rainbow bridge my beautiful angel girl. Party your little heart out, fly from cloud to cloud and jump and run after other kitties. Love each other there and know that someday I will be able to hold you again in my arms the way I used to and I will kiss you a thousand times over to make up for lost time. Until that day, I will miss you every second.

Love you with every fiber of my being
Mommy Lisa

Do what you have to do (Sarah McLachlan)

 
Purred by: Sally Maria (Mama's Angel) (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 8:51 am

Don't worry Mommy Lisa. If you need to cry a bit today, go ahead and do it. You loved Alex so much and weren't ready to let go of her so soon. It's okay, we understand.

Mama feels about me the way you feel about Alex. It's more than just the pawrent-kitty relationship. It's something much stronger and deeper. Mama says that when you have a kitty with a chronic illness, it draws you closer to them because you have so much more invested. And she's not talking about the financial aspect, but the care, concern and worry you have when your furbaby is not well and they depend on you for their well-being. No matter what you do, when it's their time to go to the Bridge, you always feel as if you failed them, even though your head knows that you did everything possible for them. What our pawrents don't realize is, without their love and care, we probably would have gone to the Bridge much sooner, needing an escape from our poor sick bodies. I know I wouldn't have made it to 16 without mama's help. Your mommy may have only had 5 years to spend with you, but they were very special years and they have changed her for the rest of her life.

So have a good Rainbow Bridge Day today, both of you. Remember the good times and, if you need to, shed a few tears because you miss each other. You'll be together again one day, of that we're sure. We love you both very much and are sending lots of love and hugs your way!

Love,
Sally Maria & her mama
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 8:55 am

We love you too Sally Maria and your mommy and family. Always such wonderful friends to us. You have GIANT hearts. I hope you're having a good day yourself today. Alex is watching over you btw, keeping a close eye. Everything you said is the truth and then some.
Purred by: Stacy T

July 10th 2011 at 9:58 am

The lives you touch are forever transformed by you." ~ That's your legacy
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 10:06 am

Big kisses to you Taag, my sweet angel friend. Come and celebrate with me today. Let's roam the clouds and fly free.
Purred by: Socks Rainbow Bridge 6/8/10 (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 10:16 am

Because of you, many other kitties now live a longer, healthier, happier life! Alex, you will ALWAYS be remembered!
Til we meet again!
Angel Socks
Purred by: Shadow (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 10:31 am

Such a warm and beautiful memory you hold dear, we are purring that you have a good day today remembering your sweet angel. Our tears and are thoughts are with you. Sending you butterfly kisses!!!
Luv Shadow, Wilson and Mum.
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 11:30 am

Thank you my dear friends! Hi Socks and Shadow, so nice of you to come and give us those butterfly kisses we love so very much. Mom just came in, phew it's hot out. But now she's going to the outdoor market to buy some new plants. Also her petunias are getting chomped by beetles! GRRRRR. Those darned beatles! And not the ones that make good music either, MOL.
Purred by: Kristina R

July 10th 2011 at 12:11 pm

Sending comforting purrrs your way!! Rest In Peace Sweet Alex.

Luvs,
Pumpkin
Purred by: Dinah (Forever Loved) (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 12:20 pm

Angel purrs and kisses for you and your kitties. Alex is the most beautiful angel you could ever imagine and she is always busy doing her good works. I think today she should get some time off to just rest next to you remembering one another. We all love your family so much.
Purred by: Rusty (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 12:21 pm

I am so sorry that you lost Alex. I know that time does't heal all wounds and some stay raw and open forever.

I don't know if you know it or not but back in 1996 I lost a cat to pancreatitis and hepatic lipidosis. She was only 2 years old. I didn't know enough back then and I listened to a vet that told me to feed her mashed potatoe mix. I didn't know. Another vet gave her Depomedrol. I didn't know. If I had a website like yours to go to back then it could of saved her life. Sadly she died within a week. I wouldn't let them do a necropsy because I couldn't stand to see her hurt anymore even if she was dead.

What I am trying to say Alex is that you are saving lives. Really saving lives. There is so little known about cats in general. And even less known about those three diseases. You are informing the public. You are really saving lives. Know that you are in my thoughts.
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 12:41 pm

Thank you so much Pumpkin and Dinah. Dinah, you're right! I do deserve a little mini vacation. Today is a good day for that. We love you too!

No, you never did tell me that about your other cat. How awful. Oh I am so sorry that happened to you and to her. 2 years old is just a baby still. I am so glad we met each other, there are days we can both lean on each other and scream at the heavens at these terrible diseases. Thank you for sharing this, it means a lot to us. I know it must be painful for you to talk about.

Big hugs and kisses to you Rusty and to everyone of our furriends. We're lucky to have such warmth and kindness to help us get through this day. And you all ARE helping us.
Purred by: Whispers (At the Bridge) (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 12:49 pm

Alex,

It was you who gave some comfort towards the end when I was angry at being sick, and it was you who welcomed me to the bridge, and then comforted me more when I was angry at leaving my furmally. It was also you who taught me how to make my presence known on earth and visit my loved ones.
Thank you. Happy bridge day.

Yours, and your mommy's friendship has ment the world to us, and to everyone elses more than you could ever possibly know. I know that you are missing eachother today, and thats ok. Its ok to cry, to laugh, to feel all those emotions.

I just want you to know how grateful we are to have known you here.

Love the oldtimer,
Whispers

and Love from the rest of the family too.
Purred by: Indiana Angel Cat (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 12:55 pm

I will try posting again! MOL!
Purred by: Indiana Angel Cat (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 12:59 pm

OH MY CAT!!!! My angel dust doesn't works on CATSTER!
4x! MOL!
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 1:02 pm

LOLOLOL, what's going on there Indy? You having the hiccups? MOL
Purred by: Hannah E

July 10th 2011 at 1:05 pm

alex, we are so happy to have known you. you are wonderful friend to us. we give you comforting hugs and purrs. you do wondeful job keeping other kitties healthy. happy bridge day.

luv nellie
Purred by: Colette Sidonie-Samantha (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 1:09 pm

What to say, sweet Alex. We couldn't agree more with what others have already said, and (for a change) words fail us.

Both you and your Mom suffered through this terrible disease. While we can't bring you back, we thank our lucky stars to have you both in our lives. You both truly are our guiding light and guardian angels.

We hope that instead of being sad today, your Mom will look back at the good times and smile, and also be awfully awfully proud of everything she has accomplished on your behalf.

Purrs & whisker kisses...
Colette, Samsara, (Angel) Marrakech, (Angel) Misha & Mom, Carol
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 1:19 pm

Poor Indiana, he's trying so hard to post and he even sent me a pawmail and for some reason Catster has fleas with him so his momma emailed it to me for me to post it.

From Indiana and his mommy Kristin

Alex's Meowmy,
I am a new angel and Alex has been so great with me. She knows how important she is and what a difference she has made and how many lives she has touched, furrrrs and pawrents alike. We both love you furrry much and I am sending my angel love to you! My meowmy and Kitty P love you both and we love Lacey and Finney too! I know this 'cause I is an angel afturall! Love and I hope that this is a purrrfect day ta celebrates the life of a beautiful Angel!
Indy

I am with you today - I hope that you have a good day and I know you know how important you are to me and to so many people. We love you and Alex and Lacey and Finney too! I hope today is a happy one and I hope you post pics of your garden. I wish I had a house or at least a balcony so I could have a garden myself. My next place it is a must!

And Lisa, I just have to say thank you so much for being a part of everything with Indiana, the photo, basket and check. I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life, especially at a time when I never felt so alone and lost. It's you and the other meowmies that have kept me going thru all of this and I will always treasure our friendship that has come out of it, even if it was because of such a sad reason.

Love and hugs,
Kristin
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 1:24 pm

Whispers my sweet girl. I thank you so much for those lovely words. I know how much it hurt your momma too when you left. This awful disease took you away as well. You are one of my dearest friends here at the Bridge. I hope you visit your meowmy often.

Nellie thank you so much sweetheart! I know my momma really appreciates it. Oh Colette and family. Another comrade in this terrible crusade we have going. I hope and pray you live a long, happy and MUCH healthier life with your furmily and I hope you start to really feel better soon.

Indy and Kristin, two of our dearest friends. Words fail to say how sad my momma was when Indy came to the bridge. It was such a shock, and just not fair. It never is, is it. We love you too and it's true what Colette says. We feel just as lucky to have all of you in our lives as well. You really don't know how much you help us through these times. We would be lost without you all, in fact we were at one time, very alone. No more!
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 1:28 pm

oh I forgot to say that mommy always takes lots of pictures of her garden and puts slideshows up for everyone to see all the time. You should see the neat plant she just bought in honor of myself and her 2 family members. It's soooo beautiful and different. She'll take some pictures and put them in the slideshow for later. When she gets it online, we'll let you all know, we promise. We love sharing our garden with you all.
Purred by: Zoe Kona Sunshine DG#2 (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 3:00 pm

The love of a cat and a human is so unique. Mom says if everyone was truthful, that would pick their cat over their significant other. Both Alex and Mommy Lisa, cherish the great memories, relive the happiness and embrace that special bond you had.
Purred by: Smokey Joe Angel Dreamboat #9 (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 3:02 pm

Mom loves what Taag said, as it's so true. Time doesn't really ease the pain...mom only shared her life with me for 5 years also, and it still hurts so bad for her. Our Bridge Days are just a pure sweet reminder of the love and happiness we gave, so unconditionally. Mom had a moment yesterday when she found my original collar behind Milo's bed. Memories came back flooded, and in my diary she wrote.
Your mom is pawsome. Your family full of tenderness and care.
We'll be together always in a bright shining world, full of love, peace and happiness, Dear Alex. As we remember you, on your Rainbow Bridge day, our thoughts of love grow with yours. Our memories keep on. We keep on sharing. Catster is a great place to do this, as we know all understand the love and beauty of a furry spawcial kitty. Mom's heart cries.

Love always,
Smokey Joe

P.S. I love your garden.
Purred by: Queen Tallulah Angel Dreamgirl (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 3:36 pm

WOW, Mom has tears in her eyes! Mom has learned that life here on earth is too short and yes it changes all the time....

We know your Mom is sad today, but she knows your Mom has helped so many other kitties and their Moms, including me and my family....

You and your Mom are in our thoughts and prayers today as you celebrate in heaven with not only me but many other catster angels....

We send you our love and lots of hugs

QT and family
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 5:20 pm

MOL Zoe, that's pretty true! Smokey Joe you and your family are always so kind and loving to us and everyone else here on Catster. I could not ask for a better playmate here at the bridge, besides Queen T that is. MOL! We all have meowmies that are bound together in our spirits. Every now and then our mommas get a glimpse of the beautiful place we now live. And they know that we're okay, even if we can't be with them in our bodies anymore. Thank you all for the love and support today and every single day since we've first met. It's brought us joy and continues to do so. We love you all.
Purred by: Bella My Beautiful Angel (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 5:57 pm

Dear Lisa, Alex's mommy,

Cats are angels in fur. They are spirit guides, who wrap themselves in various colored coats that are warm and fuzzy and alight, like butterflies, on your heart and in your life.
We start out as few spirits, dancing upon cloudes and wonderful stuff to bounce on. We follow your spirit and your essence and land in your life to help you with your mission, to clear your stress, to teach, and mostly, to love.

Alex accomplished that mission. You have helped so many cats, and so many cat's people. Please don't be sad, please understand that you are much loved, as Alex is.

When a soul bond is made, that bond is never broken. Fur may be shed, the body may no longer be needed, but we climb that rainbow with a look back and as we do, our wings sprout, varied colors, rainbow colored, and we glide back to purr and rub our heavenly heads against our moms and dads. We 'rrrrpt' to our playmates, and dance across the floor. We streak in and out of your field of vision, and you see us with your minds eye. And when the time is right, we sail up, and with graceful leap, land back here on earth again, in another form, and we know, as we do, that you will find us.

How do I know this, Miss Lisa? I know for we are born knowing. And as we touch you with our paws, we convey that knowledge to you, our friend, our companion, our guardians.
Don't be sad, Miss Lisa...don't ever be sad. For you aren't alone, and with a gentle purr, I assure you, now and always, that Alex was and is a Magickal Spirit, and as such, is beside you with every mission you undertake.

May blessings abound...and thank you for helping me and my fur friends in all you've taught me.

love,
Bella and her family
Purred by: Kitty Pryde (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 8:06 pm

*purrrrrrrrrrs*
Purred by: SKIDS KITTY gone, never forgot (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 8:22 pm

Wow Momma Lisa this was a beautiful tribute to your sweet little angel girl. When mom first got here it was because of Alley she used the yahoo CRF sight to grieve with other parents when I left for the bridge. I am so glad she found this place where there are so many wonderful moms like you. It is good you can enjoy the precious moments you had with her rather than relive the hard and sad times. Moma wrote down all the things about me too the night I left she started, and now she has never really stopped but with God's help and my good memory she can almost always think of me with a smile. Mom just realized last month your Alex and I are almost exactly 1 month apart in our three year, I am proud to call your Alex my friend here at the bridge. I gotta say MOL what Zoe said, mom and dad probably agree about choosing me over each other.
Purred by: Monida (Catster Member)

July 10th 2011 at 8:26 pm

Love you, Alex!
Purred by: Falldown Kitty (Angel) (Catster Member)

July 11th 2011 at 3:54 pm

For Angel Alex: "But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story, which no one on earth has ever read: which goes on for ever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”

/mari (mumpkees)
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

July 11th 2011 at 7:22 pm

oh my goodness everyone. Our internet has been down all day long so we didn't get a chance to do anything, no thank yous or respond to these beautiful posts! Thank you Bella and family! What a BEAUTIFUL post! But you always do speak so beautifully and tenderly. Thank you Monida! Love you too, BIG TIME! Skids, my comrade in angel wings. Always you and I are intertwined in our mission to help other kitties and our mommies are always missing us. Together we have to comfort them.

Thank you Mumpkees and Mari! Oh my goodness I love that beautiful entry. BTW, My momma's middle name is also Mari with NO, E!!! It used to drive the nuns crazy in school. They thought she couldn't spell her own name! Love you all!
Purred by: Rob Hinkin

July 15th 2011 at 4:48 pm

Dear Lisa,

Both Suzanne and I want you to know that Alex and you are in our thoughts and prayers.

xo,

Rob
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

July 15th 2011 at 5:01 pm

Awww thank you Rob and Suzanne! Hope all is well with you both and your furry family! Love you guys.
Purred by: Psycho 5/2010 - 07/18/2011 (Catster Member)

July 23rd 2011 at 8:05 am

Purrs and prayers for you and your feline family.... I know your pain.
Purred by: Alex (sweet angel girl) (Catster Member)

July 23rd 2011 at 8:26 am

Thank you Psycho, we know you do sweetie. Very recent for you so the pain is still fresh.

 

Alex (sweet angel girl)


 

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