October 31st 2013 8:34 pm
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When will I ever stop thinking of the last horrific day of Avail's life? I replay it through my head so much and it tears my heart into a million pieces each time. I don't know if I will ever stop feeling guilty.
Leave A Comment | 2 people already have
Dear Avails Mommmy,
When love goes deep, so does the pain of loss. Somewhere in your heart you KNOW you did all you could.
None of us, dear person, ever know how long we have to dance upon this earth, none of us.
I could tell you secrets that wind with me down the millenniums of time, as I crossed shadowy stone corridors, a step ahead of doom...but as this won't help you now, I won't.
Suffice to say, dear person, Avail chose to come to your life, she chose to be with you, and yes, her passing was tragic...and very very sad....but it was the smallest part of your time together....
her life is what mattered, the life you shared.
We step onto the stage called 'life' and we dance together, sometimes the dance is slow, sometimes fast, and sometimes way too fast. But it IS.
Take a deep breath-listen to your heart and soul. Neither reprove you for anything. Your life and Avails life was woven together. You were there through the hardest time, and the time that was truly the trail...and that is part of life.
Grief can be encompassing-but it is not all you are. Avail wouldn't want that for you-what would it take for you to breathe slowly and surely and say 'yes, it's all ok'. Because it is.
In centuries before you have played out this drama...and now in the midst of it, you find it again...and you hurt.
I tell you that the only cure for it is time...and remembering the wonderful times, the good times.
And when the time is right, that spark shall twinkle into the most playful light...
and the dance will begin again...
love and light, always,
Stop thinking of the last day and starts thinking of all the Great days you had with Avail. The last day will start to go away. Hopes you can remembers all the love Avail gave and all the love you gave.
Try to has a great day.