Through Pounce's Eyes
December 4th 2011 8:41 pm
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Hi every fur. I hate to say Hootie has decided to make it clear she is her own kitty and does NOT want a human buddy. She is only a year old though and my hopes are, as she grows older, she will calm down and want more attention. Smokey however, has realized Pouncey is no longer with us. She has planted her roots on Pounces pillow (I was going to move it because it hurts to bad to see another cat on it. I also did not want to be attached to another kitty in that manner. Since Pounce passed away, it is so hard to sleep. The Pillow was a huge bonding ground for my baby girl and me) Smokey is a hard kitty to bond with. She was always a bit touched, but she had a stroke a few years ago which really affected her mental state. She does not look at you when you say her name. She just looks to the left and right. She has a blood spot in her right eye from the stroke. Her lip hangs down and she sometimes drools because of it. Getting to the point, she is just not clear headed. She will rub her head in a thrashing manner on your hand if you hold it still, but she will not let you pet her. Smokey is so different from Pounce. I know no other kitty can replace her, but it is so hard to deal with Smokey. I feel like I do not know what to do with her and she acts as if she does not know what to do with me either. I want the love I had with Pounce so badly. Pounce followed me everywhere, she would lay in bed with me and lick my arm and face, and we plain and simple were glued together at the heart. When she became unglued from me, it unglued my whole world. It is so hard to stop crying when you can actually feel your heart aching in your chest. Yesterday was 3 weeks since she has been gone but it feels like a lifetime. I feel guilty for trying to get closer to Smokey, yet it would not be fair to turn away from her. At the same time, I feel like a traitor to Pounce for baby talking Smokey and trying to pet her as she lays on Pouncey's pillow. I will not allow myself to call her or Hootie baby girl. That was reserved for my Pounce baby girl. I feel so torn and my emotions will not stop bouncing around long enough to sort through any of this. I feel like looking up at the sky and screaming I want her back.