Lifestyle

Gary the Cat Is a Bearded Wonder

By Phillip Mlynar

, November 17, 2015

Gary the cat might have an unassuming name, but this kitty is a champion of the Internet thanks to his most magnificent goatee. It’s an impressive piece of feline facial hair, which has seen him compared to the Breaking Bad character Heisenberg (cue the nickname “Heisenpurrg”).

Now that your hirsute interest has been piqued, read on to hear Gary’s mom, Charlene, tell all about this bearded wonder.

The genesis of Gary

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According to Charlene, Gary wandered into her backyard in California when he was around 3 weeks old. “I bottle fed him and taught him how to use the litter box,” she says. “He’s been running the house ever since.”

A gentleman groomer

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Gary’s most famous feature is his terrific cat beard. As his Instagram bio puts it, “His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body.” In practice, Charlene says that his hirsute calling card requires “both hands and a lot of spit” to keep it properly maintained. I’ll assume she’s talking about Gary’s salivary grooming technique there.

The outdoorsman

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When it comes to Gary’s personality, Charlene calls him “needy, insistent, and super loving.” She adds that he also enjoys hanging out in the backyard, which offers up ample opportunities for him to “have a drink from the hose every day.”

Here’s Hank

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Gary lives with another cat called Hank, a ginger tabby. According to Charlene, “Hank touches his stuff all the time — and Gary really doesn’t like anyone touching his stuff.” (Although she adds that most of the time they’re cool with each other.)

I declare war

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Earlier this year, a kitty hammock appeared in Chez Gary. This sparked what has become known as “the War for the Hammock,” with Gary and Hank duking it out to claim ownership of this resource-rich asset.

After one tumultuous feline battle, it seems that a compromise of sorts was attempted: “We now have two hammocks,” says Charlene, “and it still hasn’t ended.”

An exciting little development

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Recently, it seems that Gary’s home has opened its doors to another kitty — and just like Gary, this one sports a designer beard! His name is Gus Fring, and he is also named after a Breaking Bad character.

Playing the long game

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Beyond his beard, Gary’s other main trait is his ability to stretch and show off his impressive length. “Realistically, it’s got to be at least two and a half feet,” says Charlene about his maximum reach.

Pop on over to Gary’s Instagram page to keep up with his continued battle for the hammock.

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About the author: Phillip Mlynar writes about cats, music, food, and sometimes a mix of all three. He considers himself the world’s foremost expert on rappers’ cats.