I’m on a mini vacation in Los Angeles, Colonel Meow’s hometown, and furiously (but failingly) trying to avoid the Internet when I come across our managing editor Vicky’s post announcing the famous cat’s passing.
“The Colonel died?!” I text her. “Seriously, I take a few days off …”
“Yep! Got an alibi?!” she texts back.
I swear to her I’ve been bumming around my sister’s NoHo bungalow with her three cats binge-watching Season 3 of BBC Sherlock, but no one was actually around to bear witness to this unless Earl Grey, Warren, and Theodore (the cats in question) count. In my head, they do.
Also, I am a fierce fan of the Colonel and would never harm a single fur on his Guinness World Record-winning pelt. To me, he is the feline embodiment of my sister Christine, a sassy, grumpy, sharp-tongued lass who my father often scolded saying, “You need to learn that it’s better to be kind than to be right.” Like Christine, the Colonel was never kind, but he was always right. And I the Internet loved him for it.
The Colonel’s dark sense of humor got us through many a hard day at Catster HQ. And now that he’s gone to take over the Rainbow Bridge, we find ourselves lost and purposeless. I don’t honestly know what we’re going to do without our favorite furry dictator calling the shots, so let’s drown ourselves in scotch and remember the good old days.
Here are 10 things I’m really going to miss:
10. His personal war on Boots the dog.
9. How our heads exploded when the Colonel and Grumpy Cat let their morose powers combine.
8. All the amazing digitally altered pieces he inspired.
7. How he encouraged us to express our innermost feelings.
6. And took our Halloween outfits to the next level.
7. His hashtag, #spreadthefrown.
6. How he showed us how to win every staring contest with sheer force of will.
5. His high tolerance for his minions, even when we made him a cookie beard.
4. How he taught us to shoot for the stars, and led by example the way a leader should.
3. How he was right there with us, downing scotch after a bad day.
2. How he became the CEO of Buzzfeed, cementing his place as Ruler of the Internet.
1. And who could forget the time he taught the Internet how to Cat Fro?
So long, Colonel. Your biting wit and scowling disposition are already missed. You will forever be the best and fluffiest overlord anyone could have asked for.