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5 Ways That My Friends Should Act More Like My Cats

Cats give us space, don't gossip, and are there when we need them. Human friends, take note!

Angie Bailey  |  Aug 22nd 2016


I’m lucky to share my life with many people I’m proud to call friends. I’ve spent years releasing toxic relationships and feel like the people I hang with now are genuinely nice folks. Sure, most of them have a 12-year-old boy’s sense of humor, but that’s one of the reasons I enjoy their company.

I believe a good friend should possess certain qualities. I’m not saying we should require potential friends to complete questionnaires to make sure they’re not overly clingy or not willing to share a plate of french fries. I do believe, however, it can be beneficial to have buddies who demonstrate certain “good friend” behaviors. Human friends can learn these behaviors from cats, who’ve already nailed them.

Here are five cat behaviors I believe human friends should possess.

1. Giving space

Ace of space.

Ace of space.

Although I enjoy time with friends, I also need my space. We all do. Needy friends who constantly call and text can wear on one’s nerves and quickly make us start to ignore those calls and texts … and sometimes flat-out avoid that person.

Sure, cats can be clingy (*cough* Cosmo *cough*), but in general, they do give us a fair amount of alone time. Cats are known to be independent creatures and also like their space. You know, so they can nap and stare at walls. My human friends need to give me the time I need to stare at walls.

2. Agreeable to dining options

No bickering, no menus.

No bickering, no menus.

Have you ever had a friend, or even romantic partner, who can’t seem to agree with any of your suggestions for restaurant dining or even homemade meals? I have. We spend more time discussing the dining options than we do shoveling food into our mouths. I have one opinion about food: yes. I love to eat and am usually open to trying food at most any restaurant. I also enjoy cooking new recipes at home. I don’t want to spend half and hour mulling over which cafe has the best scones. I just want to eat scones.

Cats can’t argue. You feed them, and they eat what’s in their bowls. There’s no discussion about appetizers or craft cocktails. Now of course, some cats might not show interest in a new food when it’s offered the first time. Once we figure out the kitty’s gonna regularly turn his or her nose up, we try something else. But still, it’s not the ongoing back-and-forth business that happens with human friends. To quote Napoleon Dynamite from the movie of the same title, “Eat the food, Tina!”

3. Not posting unflattering photos on social media

Just no.

Just no.

I’m the friend who always asks people’s permission before tagging them on a social media photo post. If I think a photo is funny or attractive, that doesn’t mean the person in the pic agrees. I know which of my angles are attractive and which ones are not my best. I’d like to be the one who makes the call on the angle situation. And please do not post a photo of someone with food in her mouth. Sure, it’s funny among friends, but do you really want your coworkers and new boyfriend to lay eyes on that? No.

Aside from our friend Mittens, who’s an obsessive texter, cats can’t operate camera phones. If only that were the case for some of our snap-happy friends.

4. Refraining from gossip

"Lucky you, I'm not talkin'"

“Lucky you, I’m not talkin.'”

Some friends are natural gossips. They love to be the first one who has a juicy piece of information and can’t wait to share it with anybody and everybody. We’ve all had gossipy friends and — be honest — we’ve all been guilty of sharing the occasional piece of dirt on someone. I try my best not to, and sure don’t like to know when I’m the subject of the gossip train. Still, it happens.

Cats have so much of our personal information stored in those fuzzy little heads, but they’re not talking. They sometimes see who we sleep with and what we eat, and they know when we call in sick only to binge Orange is the New Black. If only all our human friends could keep all that secret information inside their fuzzy little heads.

5. There when we need them

Unconditional.

Unconditional.

A truly good friend is always there when we need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. They support us, no matter what. They agree wholeheartedly when we complain about cheating boyfriends and annoying family members. Sometimes they just sit with us, and that’s exactly what we need.

Didn’t I just describe cats? I sure did.

What feline behaviors do you believe human friends should possess? Tell us in the comments!