In the halcyon days of 1974, the learned Carl Douglas was once heard to preach the following wisdom:
“Everybody is kung fu fighting/ Those cats were fast as lightning.”
Back then, it was a credo that struck a note with those righteous students who were bettering themselves by perfecting their martial arts forms — although these days, a new generation of millennial felines have interpreted the decree in their own predictably lackluster manner.
Let’s dip into the depths of Instagram’s KungFuCat hashtag to explain more.
The devil’s tricknology
This petulant Domestic Shorthair might look like he’s totally focused on throwing a textbook right-leg roundhouse kick in the direction of his human, but the truth is he’s only motivated to exercise in a bid to keep control of the smartphone all to himself. Social media FOMO is real when you need to nap for 20 hours a day.
At first, these two energetic kittens might appear as if they’re engaged in an all-action kung fu sparring session. But if you look closely, you’ll see they’ve both woefully failed to fulfill their sensei’s simple command to stay focused on the ancient yellow ball. Self-control is a virtue, kids!
A mind is a terrible thing to waste
Here we’ve captured an admittedly distinguished looking feline falling foul of every aspiring kung fu cat’s Achilles’ heel — drifting off into a slumber while practicing their forms. Tsk, as they used to say.
Our somewhat disheveled street urchin of a kitten here is certainly showing off impressive back-leg kick reach, but just seconds later he went back to grooming his up-close-and-personal area. Still, it’s hard to chastise him for staying hygienic.
In the woods
There are no words in any of the ancient kung fu cat tomes to describe the exact move this fluffed up feline is attempting — possibly because no such attack-a-tree-while-getting-distracted form actually exists.
A regrettable series of events
Determined face, steely eyes, excellent front-paw strength — and an unfortunate resemblance to a fascist salute from the bad old days. Millennial kitties truly have no boundaries.
This athletic black cat chap is all about striking a dramatic pose, complete with claws released. It’s just a shame that in his singleminded kitty brain he thinks he’s shooting out fireballs like a character from Street Fighter II. Stay grounded, cats!
Let us just say that this overly enthusiastic kung fu cow cat is about to receive the shock of his life in a matter of milliseconds. Never forget that mastering martial arts is as much about restraint as unbridled action — especially when it involves a balloon.