Most cats are complete divas — that’s just a fact. If you’re reading this post, this is probably not news to you because you live with one or five cats of your own. Many times the word “diva” brings to mind a female, perhaps a pop star or someone who likes everything to go her way. Think Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: “I want an Oompa Loompa now!” Yeah, cats — male or female — can be feline versions of Veruca, complete with fur coats.
The whole diva-ness of kitties is easily captured in photos because they don’t give a rip about hiding their feelings. Why would they? They’re the most self-confident beings on the planet.
Here are seven cats who could play Veruca Salt’s role in an all-cat version of Willy Wonka, and what they might be saying with those prima donna expressions.
1. Find another place to eat
“Um, excuse me, but I wasn’t finished using this sleeping surface, so you’ll have to go ahead and find another place to set your plates and silverware. That shouldn’t be a problem, right? No, I didn’t think so, and while you’re at it, fill a plate for me. I’ll take mine right here. KTHXBYE.”
2. Mine, mine, mine
“I have absolutely no idea what you were thinking when you inhaled all the food from my bowl. You think that’s your bowl? Think again. I’m pretty sure we had a similar conversation yesterday when you thought it was a good plan to plop your butt on my arm of the sofa. If you want to continue this discussion, we can take in the laundry room. I have to use the litter box anyway — that is, unless you want to run ahead and squat in my favorite box.”
3. Privacy, please
“Look, I have my feather toy and I’d like some privacy. That means you and your fancy camera phone can take a walk. I have an idea — go fill my treat jar. I’m feeling a bit peckish. Be gone.”
4. Take notes for next time
“Well we assumed you stacked all these sheets for us. You did, correct? Why else would you store piles of folded sheets on the bed? It’s kind of a ridiculous place to store sheets. Plus, this is our bed, so everything you place on it automatically belongs to us. We do have a bit of feedback, though: Next time, can you make sure the sheets are a bit warmer? Can you remember that? Maybe you need to write it down. This morning I batted a pen under the bed. Go on.”
5. This takes work
It takes a lot of work to look this gorgeous. You think I wake up like this? I know I look nearly perfect when my eyes pop open; however, I require extra ‘spa time’ to fully achieve this level of gloriousness. What I’m trying to tell you is that you’re interrupting my routine and should find something else to do. Like maybe run to the store and buy me a new catnip banana — that idiot Bootsie soaked my old one with her disgusting drool. Now leave me to my business.”
6. Here’s my list of demands
“Hey, you. Yeah, you. I’ve prepared my list demands. Are you ready? I need at least 53 additional pieces of kibble in my bowl (do you want me to starve?) and a pile of warm towels in that blue laundry basket that I like so well. Still listening? Good. Now about that stale catnip you keep giving me — what’s up with that? Freckles gets fresh catnip from a live plant that’s in her house. Why isn’t that happening here? Your silence speaks volumes.”
7. Do you like this pose?
“Oh, hello daaahrlink. I’m just getting a little extra beauty sleep this afternoon. Do you like this pose? Do you see how I’m stretching only my right front leg? Don’t you think that enhances my luxurious chest fur? I agree. I wonder how it would look if I stretched my left front leg. What do you think? Do you think my chest will look less luxurious? Where are you going? This is important.”
Is your cat a total diva? Tell us about him or her in the comments!