|Purred: Mon Mar 17, '14 9:46am PST |
|I haven't posted anything here in a long time, although I do read a lot of the articles, especially lately.
Anyway, my boy Apollo had to be put to sleep on Saturday, and I am so grief stricken that I almost feel embarrassed. I can not stop crying. Aside from sadness, I feel guilt and all of the other things that go along with this dreadful experience.
My cats have been a part of our lives for a long time, and they are like our children. I absolutely adored and loved him, turdiness and all.
It's a long story, but he was initially diagnosed with hyperthyroidism, about a year and a half ago or so, after noticeable weight loss. While he never regained any weight, he was maintaining. Eventually his liver enzymes were high, and after losing a little more weight, a mass was discovered. We took him for an ultrasound/biopsy, and the results were inconclusive. Being so frail, we weren't about the have him cut open or anything. This was back in early August, 2013.
His thyroid medication was cut in half and he was started on prednisolone and denimarin. He would not take the denimarin (pilling him was hard enough), so I started giving him milk thistle. He did okay for the next 5 months or so, but ultimately lost more weight. The last time I took him to the vet (3/6/14), he had bacteria in his urine, elevated white blood cell count and something with his pancreas, which wasn't alarming, hence my ignorance. He was then prescribed an antibiotic. I already knew in my heart he was on his way out because he was getting weaker and had lost a lot of muscle mass. By then he was down to 7 lbs.
We took him to an emergency vet on Sunday 3/9, where he spent the night and received subcutaneous fluids. I had misgivings about going there, but my bf was very concerned, and I supported that decision. The next day he seemed a little better, but it was all for naught, and it was a steady and heartbreaking decline from there. He just got so weak, but was such a trooper, still making his way to the basement 2 days prior to his passing, to pee (even if it was on the floor). I just felt that he was trying so hard, and that is what tears me up the most, that and how lifeless he was when we took him to the vet to be euthanized on Saturday morning (3/15).
I knew it was forthcoming, but it still hurts a lot. I can barely type this without sobbing. Of course I feel guilt for not taking action sooner, even though there was probably no stopping whatever was spreading through his body. Believe me when I say I spent countless hours reading about his illnesses and doing whatever I could to help him, but somehow I still feel I didn't do enough.
I'm sorry if I have written too much, but I guess it is helpful to me. Right now all I can see his his poor little lifeless body as we got him into the carrier and how it all ended. I know we gave this cat a great life and were more than loving. I just don't know how to process this intense grief.
We opted to have him cremated and will get the remains back in a couple of weeks. Once the weather warms up, we plan to bury him beneath a lilac bush, where he spent a lot of time last summer. I want to plan something special for his final resting place, but right now, I'm not really sure what that might be.
Thank you for allowing me to vent and share what I know many of you can relate to.
"you're my boy blue"
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