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Dr. Elsey's Urine Removal Program

This is the place to let your fur down! This forum is for games, sharing fun stories, and just having a good time with your fellow Catsters!

  
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Harvey

Has been COTD!
 
 
Purred: Sun Jun 6, '10 4:25am PST 
Dr. Elsey's Urine Removal Program? Okaaay...right. Is this a 12-Step Program? If so, how might it be rewritten for cats with inappropriate elimination problems?

1.We admitted we were powerless over inappropriate elimination—that the lives of our owners had become unmanageable.
2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to using the litter box.
3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the Great Cat Goddess as we understood Her.
4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and our inappropriate elimination problem.
5.Admitted to the Great Cat Goddess, to ourselves, and to another cat the exact nature of our wrongs.
6.Were entirely ready to have the Great Cat Goddess remove all these defects regarding inappropriate elimination .
7.Humbly asked Her to remove our other shortcomings as well (scratching the furniture, etc.).
8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10.Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with the Great Cat Godddess as we understood Her, praying only for knowledge of Her will for us and the power to carry that out.
12.Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other inappropriate eliminators, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

(By the way, this is not meant to be sacreligious. This is a parody of the mantra of all 12-Step Programs, which are quasi-religious because they had their origins in the Oxford Movement, a Christian movement in the pre-WWII years, which influenced AA, which in turn influenced all other 12-Step Programs.)

...Get with the program. Or don't.
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Harvey

Has been COTD!
 
 
Purred: Sun Jun 6, '10 5:08am PST 
I suppose we could start a group called "Inappropriate Eliminators Anonymous" (IEA), but would our cats agree to attend meetings?
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RADDY (my- heart's- darling)

I am still my- Meouwmy's- Beloved....
 
 
Purred: Sun Jun 6, '10 8:54am PST 
Dear Harvey......Dear, Dear Harvey.......unfortunately I am long dead (10 months).....so I cannot join in with your discussion properly......but if you need a consultant I would be very happy for you to speak to me (on the side).......

Urine? I know all there is to know about urine and its spraying and its movement around the world........

Grandad Conrad (as was)
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Harvey

Has been COTD!
 
 
Purred: Sun Jun 6, '10 12:19pm PST 
Thanks, Grandad Conrad!

...I don't think that the promise of unlimited amounts of coffee will draw any cats to meetings, but maybe the promise of unlimited amounts of tuna juice will?

Cats will have to stand up (as well as they can) and say, "My name's Fluffy, and I'm an inappropriate eliminator." And then there will be testimonials like, "I had my first experience with inappropriate elimination when I was two years old and Mommy forgot to clean the litter box. In retaliation, I destroyed her new sofa..." Or: "One day, I just couldn't take it anymore, and out of stress, left a stain on Catster's nice new beige carpet..." The possibilities are endless. Since there seem to be so many Catsters with this problem, maybe we can recruit some members from our own ranks? MOL.
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Asteroid

Fluff is- fabulous.
 
 
Purred: Sun Jun 6, '10 6:53pm PST 
Diiiid I hear tuna juice?laugh out loud
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RADDY (my- heart's- darling)

I am still my- Meouwmy's- Beloved....
 
 
Purred: Mon Jun 7, '10 4:42am PST 
I confess....I confess......I inappropriately eliminated EVERYWHERE I could......Oh....the joy....!!! Oh.....the pleasure...!!!

Sorry, I've got this wrong, haven't I?

a) I should have my mind on higher things now I am dead,

and

b) I think the object of the exercise is to STOP 'inappropriate elimination', isn't it?......

Nah....!!! LET'S PPPPEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
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RADDY (my- heart's- darling)

I am still my- Meouwmy's- Beloved....
 
 
Purred: Mon Jun 7, '10 4:47am PST 
laugh out loudcheercheercheerpartycheerpartylittle angellittle angelparty


Conrad the Wild and Free (aka Grandad Conrad)
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RADDY (my- heart's- darling)

I am still my- Meouwmy's- Beloved....
 
 
Purred: Wed Jun 9, '10 8:48am PST 
Are there no more of you....? Kitties, wild and free or magnificent and revolting.....kitties who do....do.....do.....WHAT THEY ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO...!!!! SHAME ON YOU ALL....!!!! Am I alone here with Dr. Elsey.......

Never mind......I will pee and he will tell me what a naughty cat I am and we will both be happy in our separate ways.......BUT it would be nice to have some more input......any offers?
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Cricket

Better with Age
 
 
Purred: Thu Jun 10, '10 7:33pm PST 
Of course, it's somewhat shameful to admit this to anyone, but Tripper and I have gone through three - THREE - papasan chairs in less than a year. Something about that cushion-y, sunlight-covered chair with that bamboo frame - irresistible! It's our only place for "inappropriate elimination." And every time Mom gets a new one (after multiple failures at deterring us from our favorite pee-spot), we just give the new papasan cushion a very hearty HELLO!

It's to the point where Mom's about ready to put the frame in storage and buy a new cushion when there's a place for the chair behind locked doors. Little does she know that we will, of course, find some way to that chair when it comes back out ;}
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Harvey

Has been COTD!
 
 
Purred: Fri Jun 11, '10 6:08am PST 
Get with the Program! We'll find you a sponsor!
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