 Purred: Fri Oct 20, '06 9:10pm PST |
 | |  | | Deer Violet --
I'm so happy yer paying attenshun to this grave thret!
Heer are sum of yer answers:
1. Are only the ones with horns vishus?
NO. They are ALL vishus. The wuns with the horns can skewer cats, but I think the hornless wuns blind the cats with thare lazer beem eyes to render them defensliss, and they also werk like sheepdawgs, herding unforchewnit lazer-beem-blinded cats strate toward the horned ones to git skewered.
2. How do you repel a bunch of them - we had 5 in our yard!
That's eezy. Just five cans of Mao & Rocky's paten-pending Vishus Deer Repelunt(tm) will do the trik.
3. Can I do anything to look less appealing to those vishus deer?
I have 2 sugjesschuns. One, akkording to Mao and Rocky, they tend to only eet tender yung joosy cats, so the older yoo can look, the better. Like, maybe yoo cood git a walker. Or, don't put on yer makeup -- that always makes the Food Lady look scary-older. The sekund sugjesschun is to git an ardvark costoom. I don't think vishus deer eet ardvarks, so an ardvark soot wood probly fool them.
4. Does having a dog help? Cause we have one, but we still have the vishus deer.
Dawgs are stoopid. The vishus deer can eezily trik stoopid dawgs into reveeling YER wareabowts. So, unless the vishus deer are SO hungry that they'll eet yer dawg insted of a tender yung joosy cat (and that duzn't happin vary offin) and then not be hungry anymore so they don't eet yoo, yer better off withowt the dawg.
5. They look so cute, how could they be so vishus?
Kyoot??? KYOOT??? Violet, are yoo BLIND??? They are the most terrifying looking creechurs on the face of the erth!!!! One look into thare lazer beem eyes is like peering into the bowels of hell!!! If yoo've ever seen them ripping apart roze bushes looking for tender yung joosy cats that mite be hiding thare, yoo wood shudder in terrer. And they are WILEY!! They will seem disarmingly nice and kyoot just moments before THEY SKEWER YOO with thare cat-killing horns! Yoo'll think for a moment, "Well, this wun duzn't seem so bad," and that will be the very last thot yoo ever have in yer pritty hed.
I know sum of this infermayshun can be unsettling, but it's importint that yoo know this stuff.
Yer best frend,
Skeezix the CatEdited by author Fri Oct 20, '06 9:12pm PST
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