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As the World Purrs past Episodes

  
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Condiment- Plus One- Gang

We came, we saw,- we played with- it!		 
 
Purred: Mon Apr 2, '07 7:28am PST 
As The World Purrs Episode 40

Auntie is missing! Mommy left with Auntie and then came home without her. Rascal is frantic with worry and the rest of us cats are looking high and low for her. Pepper co-ordinated the search by personally inspecting all of the closets. Sugar searched the back yard thoroughly and Spice searched the shed. Pumpkin has been stalking through the house yowling his little pinhead off. Thistle looked under all of the beds and inspected under the couches, even though Ginger kept telling her that Auntie couldn't fit under there. Rascal has been following Mommy around potty mouthing everyone she encounters. Her mood is quite foul, but no one has swatted the stuffing out of her. Mommy keeps saying "Calm down you guys, she's in the hospital and she'll be home soon!" Daddy just doles out the treats to any kitty that goes up to him. I suppose his answer to the question of "Where's Auntie?" is to give out treats. We think this is the best answer of all. Any entrepenorial smart cat would definitely take advantage of this! The problem is, Rascal doesn't seem to think so and won't accept the treats. Auntie needs to come home soon because Rascal is falling apart at the seams. All of us cats have tried to comfort her, but she just potty mouths and swats. Pumpkin is also a bit of a basket case. He yowls, "who's going to feed us? That's Auntie's job!" Mommy just says "Silly kitty, I'll be feeding you!" and his response is, "But you're always LATE!" He seems to think there is some questionable activities involved with Auntie's disappearance. The rest of us cats think he has been watching too much CSI and other such criminal investigation TV shows. It Auntie doesn't come home soon, the rest off us will be duct taping Pumpkin to the carpet and duct taping Rascal to "keep her together" since Mommy says she's "just going to peices!" We'll have to chase Thistle down though since she stole the wide sticky silver tape. It kind of stuck to her and she ran away. Silly Kitty!

Edited by author Mon May 7, '07 1:37pm PST

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Condiment- Plus One- Gang

We came, we saw,- we played with- it!		 
 
Purred: Mon Apr 2, '07 7:29am PST 
As The World Purrs Episode 41

This past w eek has been “101 ways to torment Mommy”. Auntie is in the hospital so Mommy is the one who is feeding us. The problem is, she is always late! No matter how early we start pouncing on her in the morning we can’t seem to get her out of bed. We’ve tried loving up on her and meowing in her ear. We’ve walked on her and even tried laying on top of her. Nothing works! Pepper, Sugar, Spice, Ginger, Pumpkin and Thistle have been trying to get Rascal to dive bomb Mommy like she does Auntie when Auntie stops breathing. Rascal just hisses and stalks out of the room. When we finally get Mommy out of bed, she feeds us without a problem, so why does she sleep so late? Over the last couple of days we have been congregating around the bathtub as Mommy bathes just to stare at her. Pumpkin, however, usually gives a running commentary about the fact that Auntie is not there. Thistle walks around the tub, swatting everything into the water and Pepper always tries to push Thistle in every time she makes the round. Spice sits on the toilet and straw bosses the whole scenario. Sugar just sits and watches Mommy with sad, cute, kitten eyes. Ginger sits just inside the bathroom door and makes a little squeaky noise in between purrs (he’s such a “Mama’s Boy!”) Rascal is still sulking and peeks into the bathroom and hisses. She really is a “Potty Mouth!” After we’ve cajoled Mommy out of the tub, we then make it abundantly clear that we do not like the current situation. All of us rub up against her as quickly as possible to see how much fur we can stick to her wet skin. “Will you cats quit it!” Mommy growls. We think she is just as unhappy with the situation as we are, she just doesn’t have the Catspa to do anything about it! Daddy seems to take it all in stride and doesn’t seem in the least bit fazed by it. Sugar had the brilliant idea that if we caught a lizard and brought it into the house, Daddy and Mommy would call Auntie to come and catch it like they always do. Pumpkin caught the first lizard, but Mommy didn’t see it and Daddy just swept it out the backdoor with a broom. Sugar caught lizard #2. Mommy yelled for Daddy, who was watching TV and he told her to leave it alone and later she could sweep the dried up remains out the door. Mommy wasn’t too happy with this, but went ahead and ignored the lizard. Bummer! We really thought we had something there! Mommy got news today about Auntie. She wasn’t happy to hear that Auntie will be in the hospital for another whole week or more! What are we going to do? Rascal told us that Auntie had a seizure that cracked her skull and is leaking spinal fluid out her nose. The hospital won’t let her go home until they’ve stopped the leak. Spice’s advice is to use a hairball to stop the leak, but that won’t work because the leak is deep inside her skull. Hairballs just will not fit! Rascal is all for being smuggled into the hospital. She just knows that she can make Auntie all better! Mommy will be posting this weeks episode because they moved Auntie to a part of the hospital that doesn’t allow patients to access the internet. Auntie is concerned that Mommy won’t get it right, but we cats think she will do just Purrrrrrfect!
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Condiment- Plus One- Gang

We came, we saw,- we played with- it!		 
 
Purred: Mon Apr 2, '07 7:29am PST 
As The World Purrs Episode 42

Sugar almost out badded herself this week. She was so bad that it nearly killed her! Daddy found her in the yard laying so still Daddy was in a panic. He thought she was dead! He carried her in the house holding her so gently and tearfully proclaimed, “Sugar’s dead!” Mommy came running and checked Sugar for a heartbeat and found a very faint one. She immediately administered Karo syrup by oral syringe. Sugar showed a slow response, but was still very sluggish. So Mommy and Daddy rushed her to the emergency vet. He wasn’t very encouraging, he kept Sugar over night and then instructed them to take her to her usual vet in the morning. Our usual vet told Mommy that sometimes a diabetic kitty’s insulin requirements change without warning and that is probably what happened to Sugar. He asked Mommy if Sugar’s diet had changed and at first Mommy said no, then she remembered all the times this past week that she caught Sugar stealing ice cream out of her bowl and all of the treats that she has stolen from Rascal’s room. With Auntie in the hospital, Rascal has been getting extra treats and Sugar has been sneaking into Auntie’s room and chowing down big time! Sugar has really capitalized on Auntie’s absence and Mommy and Daddy’s attempts to cheer up us cats. So, Sugar has been on a “Sugar” binge! Now Mommy is keeping a close eye on Sugar and has stopped leaving treats in Auntie’s room for Rascal. Rascal doesn’t eat them any way, she just sits in the window watching and waiting for Auntie to return. When Mommy talked to Auntie on the phone, she put it on speaker so Auntie could speak to her. Rascal went nuts! She tried to climb under the phone! When that didn’t work she ran through the house looking for Auntie. She elicited the help of the rest of us cats and had all of us look again for the missing Auntie. We all ended up sacked out in Auntie’s room (a no-no place), purr! Thistle was in the window over the bed, Pepper and Sugar were curled up at the head of the bed, Ginger and Pumpkin were in position at the foot and Spice was sprawled out in the middle! He was such a sight! Auntie’s bed is one of those Craftmatic adjustable things that leaves a delightful dip in the center. Spice was laying crosswise in the dead center on his back with his legs stuck up in the air and his tail draped over the side. This was one time that Mommy wished she had a digital camera! Rascal was in her usual window watching and waiting. Daddy peeked into the room and giggled, “Auntie is going to split a gasket if she knew this!” All of us cats know who is and who is not allowed in Auntie’s room, but in this case I think she will understand. Rascal has been trying to clean up the accumulated cat hair, sort of hiding the evidence so to speak. She’s been coughing up hairballs all morning and Ginger has followed her around sympathizing. Spice got up on the kitchen counter to demand that a butter lick be put in place to help her with those nasty hairballs. Mommy loves to give us butter, I think it’s because it alleviates hairballs and means less cleaning. Of course, Pumpkin did offer to roll all over Auntie’s bed to try to act like a lent brush, but that only seemed to make things worse. The cat hair is still there but now there is a liberal coating of orange Pumpkin fur! Mommy has promised to use the vacuum cleaner before Auntie gets home, so all of the evidence of our catly catcapades will be sucked away and she will be none the wiser! Purr, wink, wink!
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Condiment- Plus One- Gang

We came, we saw,- we played with- it!		 
 
Purred: Mon Apr 2, '07 7:30am PST 
As The World Purrs Episode 43

Our collection of gifts for Auntie have been accumulating on her bed. A couple of dead lizards, a few chewed up feathers, a knotted piece of string and a few catnip mousies, make up our offering to who ever took our Auntie. Our goal is to ransom her back. Spice has been coordinating the collection and seems to be handling the job nicely. Pumpkin is good at bringing in lizards, but the problem is they keep running away. No matter how many times we keep telling him that he has to kill the darn things before he puts them on the bed, he still forgets. Sugar thinks it’s because he wants to play with them and playing with dead lizards is just no fun at all! Mommy keeps telling us to cool it, that Auntie will be home soon and she will probably not be too pleased with the catly treasures that are mounding on her bed. Now, why wouldn’t a human like such wonderful treasures? This was how our week was building when the unthinkable happened. Sugar passed away! The only warning Mommy and Daddy had was 4 days ago when she collapsed in the back yard. The emergency vet said that there was a large mass in her lungs and that she needed to see her regular Dr. as soon as possible. Our vet was very sad to tell Mommy and Daddy that Sugar had cancer. They had been so careful to treat her diabetes and she had appeared so healthy that the cancer went undetected. Mommy and Daddy let Sugar lay in state in her little coffin in the living room for most of February 14th before burying her under the crape myrtle in the backyard. All of us cats paid our respects and said goodbye to our sweet Sugar. It was a very sad day. The next day Auntie came home. We suppose our offering on her bed appeased the Auntie-nappers and they released her. Many times we cats forget that we share our home with 3 humans, or at least 2 humans and Auntie. We’re still not sure about her! There are good times and bad times but for the most part we all get along just fine. During this crisis we’ve been very good, well, mostly good. There was the incident during the tornado that tore through Central Florida. Mommy didn’t tell Auntie about it right away because she didn’t want to upset her. Some how, at around 3:00 am on that morning, someone broke one of Mommy’s ceramic cats. Normally when accidents happen, Auntie just glues it back together, but this time, there was no saving it! The ceramic cat hit the stone floor like an explosion! The sound was so loud, Mommy thought an airplane crashed in the front yard. She jumped out of bed and wandered around the house looking for the source of the noise. Fortunately she saw the shattered glass and didn’t cut herself. Daddy had just left for work, so it was just Mommy and us. In spite of all the noise, the house was empty. Kind of eerie. As for us cats, we were all hiding under Mommy and Daddy’s bed. The noise and shattering glass were too much even for the bravest of us. There was also the macaroni incident. Mommy left the pantry door open and Thistle decided to explore. She knocked a large 2lb box of macaroni elbows off the shelf and the box split open, spilling it’s contents all over the floor. The rest of us cats were delighted! We scooted and chased macaroni noodles all over the kitchen and through out the hall. When Mommy got up in the morning, she had to crunch and slide her way to the broom closet! Ginger and Rascal tried to help with the clean up by batting the funny little crunchy things right and left. “Will you stop! You guys are just making it worse!” Mommy hadn’t had her morning cup of coffee yet, so she was really grouchy. This just makes it even more amusing to us cats! So that morning was a “grouch” sweep “grouch” sweep, chase the cats “grouch” and more “grouch”! Even on our best behavior, we are a little much on our humans and home. We are the masters of our universe but, unfortunately we are also the masters of catly destruction and we are purringly proud of it!
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Condiment- Plus One- Gang

We came, we saw,- we played with- it!		 
 
Purred: Mon Apr 2, '07 7:31am PST 
As The World Purrs Episode 44

Auntie’s arrival home was a real fun time for us cats. First, Thistle and Rascal discovered the clear oxygen line that is so tempting to chew on. Auntie has had to patch it with electricians tape so now it is not as clear as it was. It has black stripes on it like a delightful snake! This makes it even more tempting! Thistle was so excited about all the new things that came with Auntie, she forgot her manners and attacked the IV pole and sent it over on top of the nurse, who was a good sport about it but nicknamed Thistle “The Nurse Killer”. Spice and Ginger have been celebrating the event by having a dirt bath. The two of them are in a competition to see who can roll in the dirt and become the dirtiest cat in the house! What they did not realize was that Mommy would not let them into the house until they got the dirt brushed out of their fur. The problem is, when the dirt gets brushed out, they roll again! So they have spent most of the day outside. Getting dirtier and dirtier. Pumpkin, the “Pinhead” almost got squished! He appeared to be sound asleep on the couch beside Mommy and so Mommy leaned up to get a piece of candy out of the candy bowl and proceeded to sit down again only to practically break her neck to avoid sitting on Pumpkin who had zipped into her seat. As quick as snot and twice as sticky! The Pinhead is going to get flattened one of these days! Mommy was not amused. She almost ended up on the floor. Daddy howled with laughter. Sure! He can laugh now, but wait until Pumpkin steals his seat. Lets see how he lands on the floor. Pepper has been moping around the house because he misses his lady love Sugar. Thistle seems to miss Sugar also. She regarded Sugar as a Mommy and often looked up to her. We do not know what to do about Pepper, except whop him upside the head when he sits in the way of the food bowls. Mommy says we can not be too mean to Pepper because he is still in mourning and we have to respect that. Nah! We cats respect nothing! Especially not our mopey brother! As far as Thistle is concerned, Mommy croons to her and keeps saying that she will get another kitty Mommy for her. Auntie keeps saying NO-NO-NO-NO! But then who listens to Auntie. And who is the Boss! MOMMY! Rascal is so happy to have Auntie home, she is back to her usual potty mouth self. She even has learned that the motorized wheelchair that arrived while Auntie was in the hospital is Auntie’s so therefore, hers! She proceeded to oust Thistle who had been sleeping in it from the time of it’s delivery. Thistle was upset at first but consoled herself with eating Daddy’s pizza. None of us other cats like pizza, but she scarfed it down with gusto and looked around for more. Daddy kept cutting up pieces and passing it down to her even though Mommy kept saying that she did not think that pizza was good for cats. Daddy pointed out that his pizza was cheese and pepperoni only and there were no onions on it. Mommy and Auntie like everything on theirs so Daddy’s pizza is special! Thistle is learning about the pleasures of CHEESE! She is so ROTTEN, totally SPOILED and so SWEET!

cheer
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Condiment- Plus One- Gang

We came, we saw,- we played with- it!		 
 
Purred: Mon Apr 2, '07 7:33am PST 
As The World Purrs Episode 45

Life is back to “Business as usual” here at the Condiment Plus One house. Rascal and Ginger have resumed their romance with clandestine rendezvous in the sewing room. Thistle is always the one to notice and make the announcement. Fortunately, both Rascal and Ginger have been “fixed” and there will be no kittens! Mommy has been in an “I want a kitten” pout all week. We cats aren’t sure we want a new kitty in the house, we’re having enough time keeping track of the six of us. Spice is being his usual unbearable self, bossing every cat around and meowing at the top of his lungs when he wants something. “Meow” I want out! “Meow” I want some chicken! “Meow” It’s too quiet in here! “Meow” pay attention to ME! The rest of us are about ready to flush him down the toilet! In the mean time, Pumpkin caught a bird. Mommy, Daddy and Auntie found feathers littering the Florida by the handful. “Poor bird” Mommy cried and Daddy just cleaned up the mess. Pepper has finally stopped moping about the house and is showing a lot of interest in Thistle. Of course we all know that Thistle is already taken. She has a boy friend on Catster named Mudslide “Muddy” and has been very quick to point that out to Pepper. So he has been very affectionate to Mommy, so much so that she can’t even go to the bathroom with out him tagging alone. He was so anxious for attention that he came barreling into the bathroom, ahead of Mommy, bumping the door so hard that it rebounded against the wall and slammed shut. The door has one of those old type doorknob push button locks so when the door hit the wall it locked it. So, Pepper was locked in the bathroom and Mommy was outside doing the “I gotta go pee” dance. Fortunately for Mommy, there are two human bathrooms and she was able to go to the second one. Pepper realized that Mommy didn’t follow him in the bathroom and started wailing his head off. His cries reverberated against the tile walls and sounded eerie. All of the rest of us cats gathered around the door and meowed in sympathy. Mommy yelled, “I’m hurrying! Keep your furry panty hose on!” I guess six cats can make a lot of noise when we want too. Mommy came to Pepper’s rescue and unlocked the door, laughing at Pepper who was all puffed up like a Halloween kitty. He won’t admit that he was scared, but the rest of us cats know! Ginger should know what it is like to be scared of things out of the ordinary. He was very intent on helping Mommy in the office and suddenly he hissed and ran out of the room. He ran around the house like something demented until Daddy caught him. “Hey! Who put tape on Ginger?” Daddy pulled the tape off and rolled it into a ball and tossed it towards the garbage can. It didn’t make it! It landed on Pumpkin, who started rolling around on the floor trying to dislodge it. Daddy howled with laughter, which brought Mommy and Auntie to see what was so funny. Rascal pounced on Pumpkin’s tape roll and took off with it stuck to her belly. She growled and potty mouthed all the way to her and Auntie’s bedroom. Under the bed she went. The humans never found the rolled ball of tape, Rascal came out from under the bed without it and yet it was nowhere to be found. So what did she do with it? Eat it? This week has been a “Scared Puffy” week with mysterious disappearing tape wads. What’s next? A “Scared Silly” week?

eek
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Condiment- Plus One- Gang

We came, we saw,- we played with- it!		 
 
Purred: Mon May 7, '07 10:39am PST 
As The World Purrs Episode 46

Edited by author Mon May 7, '07 10:41am PST

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  (Page 5 of 5: Viewing entries 41 to 47)  
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