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Quality of Life: When is it time to say goodbye? (consolidated thread)

  
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Alaidh - my little- angel

The only real- cat is a grey- cat!		 
 
Purred: Thu Jan 29, '09 8:00pm PST 
Alaidh's mum here.

I apologise in advance because this thread is a bit of a downer, but I've been thinking about this for a long time and thought I'd ask my fellow Olde Furt mums and dads for their opinions.

For quite awhile now Alaidh has been going downhill. I know she's not ready for the "Rainbow Bridge" yet, but I also know she could be any day now. Mind you, I've been thinking this for the past two years now, not expecting her to hang around this long.

Lately, though, she hasn't been able to get to her litter box in time. This is not a reason to have her put down, in my opinion - I just bought a carpet cleaner and added more litter boxes - but it is proof that she's having a hard time.

Alaidh still loves her food and loves to lie in a sunbeam and get scritches, so I know she's still getting some enjoyment out of life, and in fact, this evening, she surprised the heck out of me by following me around begging to be picked up, then purring contentedly on my shoulder! I was on the phone with my mum at the time and she said, "Wow, that's unusual." Alaidh's never really liked being picked up and carried around.

Anyway, I've never had to make this decision before, since Sammie died at home. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice on what I should be looking for...something that tells me I'm just keeping her alive for me and not her...when it's time to let her go...

Thanks
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Freckles- (1993-2011)

My beautiful old- lady!
 
 
Purred: Thu Jan 29, '09 10:22pm PST 
Freckles mum here:

I've gone through this 3 times in the last couple of years with elderly cats. Strangelove 18 with CRF, Jester 19 with thyroid cancer and Minxy 21 with CRF.

Strangelove died at home fairly suddenly and had some kind of stroke or something in the night. She was obviously dying but I didn't want to take her to the vet unless I had too and just cuddled her. I waited 45 mins and was just about to drive her to the vet when she passed away.

Jester and Minxy I had to take into the vets to be euthanised at the end. They were both happy right til the end but then suddenly they just got very weak and tired and it was obviously their time and I took them into the vets and it was very peaceful.

One piece of advice is to make sure that you can get to a vets if anything happens in the middle of the night. Get a 24 hour vets identified and when it gets close to the end don't drink any alcohol when you think the end is near so you can safely do an emergency run if needed. If there is no 24 hour vet arrange something with your regular vet so they can be available and maybe do a home visit.

You know Alaidh better than anyone and will know when she isn't happy or comfortable any more and the time has come. With Jester and Minxy I saw a definite change in their behaviour within a day. It was like their life force was gone and they were suddenly very weak and tired compared to how they normally were.

Don't worry about the process being painful/stressful for Alaidh. Minxy and Jester were both very tired and calm and I was able to bring them straight through to the exam room at the vet. the vet gave them the 1st shot which is a sedative and then a second one which stopped their heart. It was all very peaceful for them.

Hope Alaidh is not going anywhere soon hug
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Alaidh - my little- angel

The only real- cat is a grey- cat!		 
 
Purred: Fri Jan 30, '09 12:02am PST 
Thanks so much for your response. I know where the emergency vets are located, but I've already discussed with Alaidh's regular vet - "Dr. Susanne" - about a home visit. She let me know that this is not a problem. I would prefer this because, other than the fact that she gets a bunch of treats at the vet...well...it ain't her favourite place. Oh...and I rarely, if ever, drink at home...smile

With Sammie, she had a massive stroke the night before she died. This was her 3rd or 4th one, I'm not sure, but all of the others were fairly minor, causing her to be a little wobbly at first and leaning to one side, but not holding her back when it came to getting food or cuddles - something she craved! Her last stroke was at midnight and she died the following morning around 5:00 o'clock. Even though she seemed to be aware of my presence - she wimpered for me when it happened and was quiet when I picked her up - she couldn't even hold her head up. I decided then and there it was time, but there were no emergency vets in Fredericton - my regular vets took turns being on call - so I made Sammie comfortable and decided to bring her in at 7:00 am. Of course, Sammie decided it was time to leave before that and she died that morning while I stroked her head.

Alaidh, on the other hand, is very different from Sammie. While Sammie craved attention and cuddles, Alaidh rarely wants more than a few scritches nowadays. I can still get her to purr and she loves her food, but I know she's not as happy as she used to be.

But, as I said, the little bugger is always surprising me. After posting this, I went to watch one of my favourite shows - Supernatural. I had to watch half of it through vibrating fur because Alaidh decided she wanted to settle in on my chest, something she hasn't done for a long time. It's almost like she knows I've been thinking about this and is trying to tell me she's not ready yet!

Edited by author Fri Jan 30, '09 12:05am PST

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Smokey - Angel- Dreamgirl- #31

Miss Quiet
 
 
Purred: Fri Jan 30, '09 3:50am PST 
Ginger had CRF, and it was quite obvious after surgery that he had nothing left to fight with. He became quite the lap cat in the 1 1/2 years before he died, but NEVER was before that. Enjoy your time, both of you, and Alaidh may just take matters into his own paws ... and you will know when there is no more enjoyment. You know each other best...don't overthink it or worry...you will do what is best for both of you cause you love each other! Not much help, but I think it is true!
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Flower- **PAWS**

Flowie The- Warrior Queen!- (Thanks, Bugsy
 
 
Purred: Fri Jan 30, '09 4:29am PST 
Smokey is right....you and Alaidh will just KNOW when it's time and she may just make that decision all by herself. Don't overthink, just enjoy her sweet presence and take advantage of knowing that you've been the BESTEST Mommy she could ever have had. Alaidh is one lucky putty-tat and you are one lucky Mommy. I hope she isn't ready yet, but again....you will just know. Much love to both of you from all of us! Please give your little sweetie a special cuddle from Flowie?
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Sally Maria- (Mama's- Angel)

Mama's angel		 
 
Purred: Fri Jan 30, '09 8:19am PST 
Kristi (Sally Maria's mama) writes:

I went through a little bit of this myself last year when Sally was first diagnosed with lymphoma. She was SO sick and so weak that most mornings, I was afraid to turn on the light because I was afraid that I might find that she had passed on during the night. I hate to use the phrase "quality of life" but it came down to whether she was having more good days or more not so good days. When she was at her sickest, all she wanted to do was sleep. She lost interest in most of her favorite things. There were a couple of times when I really thought I'd have to say good bye. Little by little she improved and is now doing very well, but in my heart I still feel the same. As long as she's still having more good days than bad, I will continue on. I think most of us will "know" when the time has come. I think we are all close enough to our kitties to be able to read them and tell the difference between an off day and something more serious.

One thing has changed in our relationship. Sally's never been much of a cuddler (too much time spent as a feral I guess) but now she goes through periods where she DEMANDS attention. I stop whatever I'm doing and give her what she wants. I realized early on in her chemo that I was wallowing in guilt for what I had or hadn't done and focusing too much on the future and totally missing out on the here and now. We don't worry about the past or the future anymore. We enjoy every precious moment we have together. The littlest things she does bring me indescribable happiness. I know it will be even harder now to say good bye since we've gotten even closer as a result of her cancer and other health issues, but I also know that when her time does come I will know in my heart that I did absolutely everything possible for her.

You have been a wonderful mum to Alaidh. That much is obvious. She wouldn't have made it to 19 without your love and care. Enjoy your sweet girl. Tell her how much you love her. Snuggle and cuddle with her and relish every single moment you have together for these moments will help you get through it when you do have to say good bye.

But Alaidh's going to live to be 100. All of our cats are! smile

Hugs & Purrs,
Kristi & Sally Maria
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Edgar

Wake me when- it's time to- eat!
 
 
Purred: Fri Jan 30, '09 4:48pm PST 
Edgar, Emily Felicity, Gabby and Lucy's mommy here:

Alaidh's mum, that is the hardest question. I think this vet wrote very well on the subject: http://www.klance.com/Animal_Mind.htm

With Gabby, I did everything I could to keep her alive. She was never diagnosed properly, despite my having taken her to the veterinary college for testing in addition to my regular vet. Maybe vets just weren't that good with cat's illnesses 13 years ago. She died at home after weeks of receiving sub-q's for dehydration and being force fed. I think I did the wrong thing. But since we didn't know what was wrong I kept hoping she would get well again. She wasn't old, she didn't quite make it to 11.

With Lucy, who lived to 18.5, she got a tumor in her jaw. But my vet at the Cat Clinic at first said it might be an abcess, so we were giving her antibiotics. I will spare you the details, but I waited too long and she suffered needlessly.

As the vet says in the article I linked, there are only three times: too soon, too late and the exact right time. And since no one will ever know when the exact right time is, that leaves only too soon and too late. With both Gabby and Lucy I waited too late. I have promised Edgar and Emily that I will not let them suffer like that. When the time comes though I know I will struggle with the same doubts that you have; "what is their quality of life?" "are they having more good times than bad times?"

Bless you for being a wonderful mommy to Alaidh and giving her a long and happy life. I hope she is with you on earth for a long time yet. But, as you know, she will be with you in your heart forever. Gabby and Lucy are in mine. hug
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Boomer- 10/30/1972 - 2/20/1996

World\'s best- kitty, Queen of- the house.
 
 
Purred: Sat Jan 31, '09 6:58am PST 
I copied this from an earlier forum posting about how my Mom "knew":

I had been sick with renal failure for years, but got really bad in the last week. I was not eating, I would get up once a day to go to the box and then straight back to bed. Mom decided to have the vet come and help me over the Bridge.

He was coming to the house at 11 AM on the morning of 2-20. At 2 AM, I had a major stroke. I stopped purring, and I was clearly "gone". I had a little accident.

But my heart was NOT gone. Mom used her stethoscope thingie to listen to me. My little heart kept going. At 9AM, Mom got dressed and wrapped me in many blankies and drove me to the vet. She knew I wasn't going to be scared. (Mom was always afraid that my last moments would be spent in terror at the vet's office.)

The vet looked at me and knew I was gone, too. But my heart kept going. Finally the vet gave me medicine and my heart rested.

Mom is having a hard time writing this, but thinks it tells a lot about why I lived so long. She calls it my "mighty little heart". I know that Mom still hurts over these events, but she also knows that the decision was really out of her hands. I decided when to leave. Mom just helped my "mighty little heart".
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Tyler - Mr.- Boombastic- Angel

They call me Mr- Boombastic
 
 
Purred: Sat Jan 31, '09 4:49pm PST 
Tyler's mum Jill here.
I too have thought long and hard about this subject. It's hard not being paranoid when you care for an Olde Furt and you're as close to each other as most of us are!

The only thing I can think of to add to all the good stuff that has already been written is to talk to your trusted vet about "arrangements" ahead of time. I have already discussed cremation and interment options with my vet because I know I will not be able to face it when the times comes. Put the instructions in writing to be included in your file (along with a request for a paw print or something similar if you want one, as when we're under stress we tend to forget details and have regrets later). Don't feel guilty about planning ahead, just relax (but be vigilant) and enjoy Alaidh's company for a long time to come.

Long live Alaidh!
xxx
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Chandler Ray

Best tummy ever
 
 
Purred: Sun Feb 1, '09 11:24am PST 
This truly is one of the hardest decisions we ever have to make and every cat is different. When I had to make the decision with Wyatt, we had already been through a lot because of his hyperthyroidism, but then he developed stomach cancer. I kept waiting and waiting for the vet to call, and finally called. He didn't want to tell me the sad news, there was nothing that could be done. When I went to visit him, he first hissed at me, not realizing it was me. He never liked anyone but me. I put in him hand and let him smell me and he immediately started purring. I could see the pain in him and knew in my head I was doing the right thing, just not in my heart.

Sammy had been sick also during this time, and we had been trying everything we could, but it was his liver. The vet wanted to take him off the prednisolone, and when I came home, he hadn't been able to make it to the litterbox and I could tell he was absolutely miserable. He was my chatterbox and he hadn't been chattering for a long while. He spent all his time on my lap or snuggled as close as he could get on the bed. He was never a lap sitter. I just knew, so I put him back on the medication and made the appointment for early on Saturday morning. I cried every day until it was time. While he was on the medication, he was fine. Everyone was very nice and I could see in Sammy's eyes and knew I was doing the right thing.

Aragorn was only 4, but had had a very serious heart condition and I had been told he would not live a long life. I cherished every day with him, but just the day before, he spent time on my lap, purring and patting my face. I think he knew it was his time. He wasn't eating and he was just laying there, looking at me. In some ways he was the hardest as he was so very young.

Cherish every day with them, every purr and every look. They are very precious souls who have put their trust in you, and for them you need to be strong. They can't speak to us in words, but they send us messages every day.
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