Carpet Clawing 101

  
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Gracie

I'm the baby,- gotta love me!
 
 
Purred: Sun Sep 14, '08 5:56am PST 
Good morning.

Before we start, I would like to ask prospective students in this class which method do they think best to claw the carpet to shred and tatters. Do you use claws only, or do you claw, and/or bite, and/or kick too? Let us hear what your favorite combination is.

There are deep philosophical differences and schools of thought on the matter, so I am surveing the class to see which methods they would like to see covered this semester. Based on response, I will post a syllabus outlining the schedule fairly shortly.

Fair warning, it may not be a few days or so, for I am so very busy this time of year: as nights get longer, so does my prowling and hunting schedule. All the reason you students should have adequate time to post an answer.

Edited by author Sun Sep 14, '08 6:07am PST


♥- Suey- ♥

Loved
 
 
Purred: Sun Sep 14, '08 11:00pm PST 
Good morning Professor Gracie!

I am a fan of the claw and rabbit kick school of carpet clawing. My favourite spot is the side of the stairs, where I can lie on my side, and just go into crazy destructo mode. It is lots of fun! I am also interested in mastering the removal of the underlay. Do you think you could include this in your syllabus?

BooBoo

headed for the- light.
 
 
Purred: Mon Sep 15, '08 3:00am PST 
Well, I don't have any front claws, but I specialize in using my teeth to pull the carpet up by the roots, especially when Meowma puts me in my own room for getting over enthusiastic with the poopie rolling and poopie hiding. In fact I am so good at it that the entire area at the base of my bedroom door is mostly bald, and all brown from my drool. I have even made one hole all the way to the wooden subfloor.
Now, I do love my little room, especially when I can get Meowma to come in there and brush me while I eat at the same time. But, the love ends when the door closes. Whey can't Meowma figure this out?
Anyway, I'm ready to start training for the Paralympic version of this class anyway. Gracie, I'm fine with meeting not so often, as I am an older kitty who gets tired with my busy schedule of begging for treats, crying to be brushed, and trying to herd Meowma into whatever room I want to go to to get petted. Except when I'm trying to poopie hide, obviously I prefer privacy for that.

Edited by author Mon Sep 15, '08 3:03am PST



Gracie

I'm the baby,- gotta love me!
 
 
Purred: Mon Sep 15, '08 4:31pm PST 
Syllabus

Welcome all to Carpet Clawing 101: Beginner's Course. This is one half of a planned 2 course unit that proposes to teach you all the ins and out of clawing your meowmy's carpet and rugs to shreds to elicit the human's annoyed response. Before we begin, some preliminary info.

SCHEDULE
We will meet once a week, usually on Sunday afternoons, which makes this class eminently convenient for those of you who are busy with other classes during the course of the week. You will find that the class is much more fun if you come to class prepared. Please refer to the timetable on the bottom of your syllabus for topics and dates.

TEXTS
I do not require any textbooks for the class, but I do have a short list of recommended books you might want to get a hold of, so as to have a handy reference in case you can't follow along, whether because you just don't get the material, or you have to be absent but want to keep up with the course work. The books on the topic I recommend are:
"You Too Can be a Clawer" by Timothy P. Purrer
"Carpet Clawing for Fun and Profit" by I. P. Freely
"Zen and the Art of Carpet Shredding" by Robcat M. Pirsig

EXAMS
We will have an in class mid term, and a take home exam. Each will count for half of your grade. Do not worry, as long as you practice at home during your daily stretching routines, you will be fine. I do not give As easily, but I also rarely fail students. Please refer to the timetable for examination times.

CONDUCT
I expect my students to run into philosophical disagreements about the best practices in the field. Everyone does it differently. That said, I ask that you listen to your fellow students' suggestions and input with an open mind. You might think some cat is just doing it in the dumbest way, but if that's what works for them, it must have some merit.

HOMEWORK
There is no mandatory homework for this class, but you will find that teacher directed suggestions for many activities you can engage in at home will maximize your destructive power. More details will follow in a couple of weeks.

TOPIC SCHEDULE
Week 1: Why do I like to Shred Things? Getting to Know you and Goal Setting Session

Week 2: Claw Methodology - The basics of clawing at inanimate objects

Week 3: Carpet Metaphysics: Does the Carpet Continue Existing When You're Not Clawing It?

Week 4: Carpeted Closets: Danger or Opportunity?

Week 5: Beyond Clawing: Multitasking Paws

Week 6: Mid course review

Week 7: In Class Midterm

Week 8: Bunny kicking - Not Just for Bunnies Anymore

Week 9: Biting as Destruction

Week 10: Dealing with Rugs

Week 11: Putting it All together

Week 12: Beyond the Carpet: plastic bag, clothes and human skin shredding. An Overview

Week 13: Course overview. Please note: Take Home Final assigned

Week 14: Course Evaluation and Take Home Final due

Gracie

I'm the baby,- gotta love me!
 
 
Purred: Mon Sep 15, '08 4:37pm PST 
As a warm up for the first class this coming Sunday, please start making a point of observing what kind of textiles you like to attack and why. This will help you come to the first lecture and discussion armed with observations that will be of use to us as a group.

Also, BooBoo, you will do fine. Some of my most memorable work involved using my back claws (clawing with all fours is my signature move), so I have no doubt that you will be holding your own in class very easily.

Edited by author Mon Sep 15, '08 4:44pm PST


Queenie

I want it and I- WILL get it!
 
 
Purred: Thu Sep 18, '08 6:37pm PST 
It's Queenie. We have a long proud tradition of carpet destroying here. Our favorite spot was begun in 1991 by the late, lamented Peri, who tore all the carpet out from under the bedroom door and dug so far into the corner that she tore up the pad and the flooring. Never to have been equalled! We are all working on enlarging her work and like to tear off bits of the foam underpad and throw it around. Since it is a particularly disgusting color, it looks horrible.

The only other spot we have been able to do on our own was an advanced technique which I notice you don't mention--tearing up the carpet AND the floor underneath. We tore up the carpet where it met the wall and discovered that the floor underneath wasn't fastened to the wall very well at that spot, so we tore it out and went down underneath into the heating ducts. It was a great exploration, but the second day our person saw us leaving the hole and covered it up. We then took the registers off the heating ducts and went down there, but she caught us and screwed all the registers down with double screws.

We are pretty much reduced to throwing ourselves at the window when the neighbors go by, which is why we signed up for this school! wave

Gracie

I'm the baby,- gotta love me!
 
 
Purred: Thu Sep 18, '08 7:10pm PST 
Queenie,

underfloor destruction will be covered in the advanced course this spring. But you will get a preview of it during our "Beyond Carpets" lecture in week 12 of this beginner's course. Hope you'll enjoy our class.

Gracie

I'm the baby,- gotta love me!
 
 
Purred: Sat Sep 20, '08 11:29am PST 
Students, I am taking a roll call for tomorrow's class, so that I may know who is attending class.

Please tell me if you will be present for tomorrow's lecture.

Gracie

I'm the baby,- gotta love me!
 
 
Purred: Sun Sep 21, '08 5:03pm PST 
Oh, hum. No one showed up. Dear students, we can't have class if I don't have anyone present to ask questions about clawing.

Because we must press on, I am rescheduling our first class for Tuesday night.

Be here, and be ready to discuss what clawing means to you.

Your kind instruction

Gracie, M.D., Scratching, Ph.D., Claw Epistemology

Gracie

I'm the baby,- gotta love me!
 
 
Purred: Tue Sep 23, '08 5:51pm PST 
So, dear students, what does clawing mean to you?

To some, clawing is an itch needing to be scratched. They will scratch at anything and everything with no finesse. Indiscriminately. Without care or comfort, and only as a means to other ends. Food, attention and all that.

To others, however, clawing is not a means to an end, but the end in and of itself. Clawing as art and philosophy, in other words. The aesthetic of clawing is part of that end, but not the whole. Happy is the cat that wants nothing, but one more place to claw to their heart's desires, as their only desire.

For next class, folks, start thinking of our second topic. My suggested exercise is for you to claw at as many different surfaces as you can, and analyze your technique. For those of you who are clever enough to hypnotize your humans, you might want to command them to videotape you, so that you can keep clawing instead of stopping every few times and record your observations on paper.

I shall see you all next week.

Your kind instructor,

Gracie, M.A., Scratching, Ph.D., Claw Epistemology

Edited by author Tue Sep 23, '08 5:52pm PST


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