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I was stunned this morning to lern that Violet saw sum vishus deer by her howse this morning, but sed SHE DIDN'T THINK THEY WERE THE VISHUS KIND! (Like thare's any other kind!) She was compleetly unaware of how they disgize themselves so they don't look vishus, and then yoo put away yer Mao & Rocky's Vishus Deer Repelunt and git kloser to them, and then they blind yoo with thare lazer beem eyes and stab yoo with thare horns and EET YOO!
So, I started this thred so that we can report sitings and werk together to make the werld safe frum the thret of vishus deer. Maybey even collaberate on sum safety stratejeez and lern sum self-defense mooves so that we can take bak owr forests and say to thoze vishus deer, "We're mad as hek and we're not gonna take it any more!"
We haf a woofie too, Violet, an he is no gud cuz he is littler than tiny little Princess Ziporah. He tinks he iz bigur dan da big woofy nex door. He is useless, as are most woofies. I dunt kno to much about da vishus deer as I am an inside only kitty.
Deer Violet --
I'm so happy yer paying attenshun to this grave thret!
Heer are sum of yer answers:
1. Are only the ones with horns vishus?
NO. They are ALL vishus. The wuns with the horns can skewer cats, but I think the hornless wuns blind the cats with thare lazer beem eyes to render them defensliss, and they also werk like sheepdawgs, herding unforchewnit lazer-beem-blinded cats strate toward the horned ones to git skewered.
2. How do you repel a bunch of them - we had 5 in our yard!
That's eezy. Just five cans of Mao & Rocky's paten-pending Vishus Deer Repelunt(tm) will do the trik.
3. Can I do anything to look less appealing to those vishus deer?
I have 2 sugjesschuns. One, akkording to Mao and Rocky, they tend to only eet tender yung joosy cats, so the older yoo can look, the better. Like, maybe yoo cood git a walker. Or, don't put on yer makeup -- that always makes the Food Lady look scary-older. The sekund sugjesschun is to git an ardvark costoom. I don't think vishus deer eet ardvarks, so an ardvark soot wood probly fool them.
4. Does having a dog help? Cause we have one, but we still have the vishus deer.
Dawgs are stoopid. The vishus deer can eezily trik stoopid dawgs into reveeling YER wareabowts. So, unless the vishus deer are SO hungry that they'll eet yer dawg insted of a tender yung joosy cat (and that duzn't happin vary offin) and then not be hungry anymore so they don't eet yoo, yer better off withowt the dawg.
5. They look so cute, how could they be so vishus?
Kyoot??? KYOOT??? Violet, are yoo BLIND??? They are the most terrifying looking creechurs on the face of the erth!!!! One look into thare lazer beem eyes is like peering into the bowels of hell!!! If yoo've ever seen them ripping apart roze bushes looking for tender yung joosy cats that mite be hiding thare, yoo wood shudder in terrer. And they are WILEY!! They will seem disarmingly nice and kyoot just moments before THEY SKEWER YOO with thare cat-killing horns! Yoo'll think for a moment, "Well, this wun duzn't seem so bad," and that will be the very last thot yoo ever have in yer pritty hed.
I know sum of this infermayshun can be unsettling, but it's importint that yoo know this stuff.
thank u fer da infermashun regardin da vishus deer.
luckee fer me an mi brudderz an sistah (hoo iz old ... so she wud be safe!) dere ar no vishus deer in dis part uv noo york ...
but dere ar vishus racoonz ...
can u help us wid dis problum skeezix?
Coons do not EETcats, they just maim them, so if yoo make shoor yer helth insyurinse is pade up, yoo shood be ok. Me and Rocky are werking on Mao & Rocky's Reely Good Raccoon Repelunt, but the progress has bin slow becuz we don't reely have much munney for R&D. So if yoo guys will send us all yer munney, we can have that coon repelunt invented a lot sooner. Just send yer munney to:
Mao & Rocky
Castro Valley by the big Forest
Just past ware the street kervz arownd by Mr Tinydik's howse
in the big howse with the three bloo masheens owt frunt
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