|Purred: Wed Apr 20, '11 9:10am PST |
|I'm sure Pookie went through some stuff, too, and is probably feeling the vibes you are giving off about Bonnie.
I'm SO sorry you were left with so many unresolved feelings about your decision. I am convinced we(catlovers) are super-sensitive people, and the what-ifs haunt us particularly. I am glad you wrote about it and brought it all out - it is a beginning.
I sometimes have to force myself to trust that a force bigger than me is handling all the things in the universe, and doing a pretty good job, considering that it includes ALL THINGS. I mean, it became apparent early on that I was NOT in charge! Good thing, too!
What if she would have died from the seizure at your house? Or something in that environment would have caused her to keep having seizures? Being practical, I think it's more likely that you made the RIGHT DECISION, and she has been reaping the benefits ever since.
That said, there will always be things we cannot explain, which makes us crazy! Please don't torture yourself for a decision that not only can't be unmade, but was the best one you could have made with the info you had. Try to imagine that she's had the best possible outcome, instead of thinking the worst. I would love to see you absolve yourself - it would be a great gift. But I know it takes time and acceptance, and they are hard-won.
Hang in there, and be gentle with yourself. You had to make a decision, and you did. I am in awe of you for that! Luv, Barbara
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