It's been a year

Whether a cat dies, is lost or stolen, or must be placed in a new home, this is the place to gather together to give and receive love and support when you experience the loss of a beloved cat.


Sweetie Girl
Purred: Tue Apr 19, '11 4:12pm PST 
A year ago today I surrendered my Sweetie Girl, Bonnie, to a holistic vet. I miss her so much sometimes, and hardly a day goes by when I don't think of her.

Will it ever get easier? cry cry cry cry

Sterling Mithril

Jaws-I\'ll eat- anything!
Purred: Tue Apr 19, '11 4:23pm PST 
Knowing that Bonnie is being cared for by someone who understands and can help her with her diet is a good thing. It is hard to let go, and I don't know if or when it will get easier for you, but it sounds like you did the best thing you could for her. Sending you a big hug of comfort and support. hug


Purred: Tue Apr 19, '11 6:06pm PST 
hughughughug We just read your post. Mom hopes that she would be that unselfish if she were in your position. It was a wonderful thing you did to make sure she got the right treatment.hughughughughug

Alex (sweet angel girl)

Angel on a- mission!
Purred: Tue Apr 19, '11 6:21pm PST 
Oh sweetie, we read this and we hurt for you. I know this is so hard and I know how much you love her. You did what you felt was right for her and you did it out of love. I know you miss her terribly. Do you know how she's doing? Have you talked to the vet? shrug

Tink the Cat

Never met a- mouse I didn\'t- bat!
Purred: Tue Apr 19, '11 6:29pm PST 
You made a great sacrifice in order for her to have the best possible care, and you obviously have the capacity to love very deeply. I'm sorry it still hurts, but to me you are a hero!!! Both Bonnie and Pookie have been lucky to have you in their corner! I wish you nothing but peace with your decision. They never leave our hearts, but it does get easier with time & acceptance. Luv, Barbara (& Tink)kitty


Sweetie Girl
Purred: Wed Apr 20, '11 6:13am PST 
Thank you all for your kind words, hugs and support. Part of what hurts is that I feel like I was being selfish – I just couldn’t take care of her anymore and I feel like I failed her somehow, or that I didn’t try hard enough, and I took her away from the only home and mommy she knew.

What I haven’t added to her profile, because it was just too upsetting, was about 5 weeks after I surrendered her, she had a seizure and went blind and couldn’t walk. The vet was about to have her put down when she started responding to light, so she wasn’t sent to the Bridge after all. I felt (and still feel) terrible, wondering if she was exposed to something in her new environment that triggered the seizure, and if I made a mistake giving her up.

Alex: I was in contact with the vet until after Bonnie was brought home from the seizure, and I emailed her after Thanksgiving but didn’t get a response. I tried again after New Year’s and all she said was “still good.” I realize Bonnie's technically not mine anymore (though she always will be in my heart), I just would like more information on her than I’m getting and it’s hard to accept that I’m probably not going to get it.

Side note: Just as I was about to post the original message (my computer is in the room I had Bonnie confined in while I was trying to get her well, as she wasn’t getting along with Pookie and I didn’t want her stressed), Pookie was on her blanket and barfed up his dinner. Okay, how weird is that??? shock

Edited by author Wed Apr 20, '11 6:16am PST


Tink the Cat

Never met a- mouse I didn\'t- bat!
Purred: Wed Apr 20, '11 9:10am PST 
I'm sure Pookie went through some stuff, too, and is probably feeling the vibes you are giving off about Bonnie.
I'm SO sorry you were left with so many unresolved feelings about your decision. I am convinced we(catlovers) are super-sensitive people, and the what-ifs haunt us particularly. I am glad you wrote about it and brought it all out - it is a beginning.
I sometimes have to force myself to trust that a force bigger than me is handling all the things in the universe, and doing a pretty good job, considering that it includes ALL THINGS. I mean, it became apparent early on that I was NOT in charge! Good thing, too!
What if she would have died from the seizure at your house? Or something in that environment would have caused her to keep having seizures? Being practical, I think it's more likely that you made the RIGHT DECISION, and she has been reaping the benefits ever since.
That said, there will always be things we cannot explain, which makes us crazy! Please don't torture yourself for a decision that not only can't be unmade, but was the best one you could have made with the info you had. Try to imagine that she's had the best possible outcome, instead of thinking the worst. I would love to see you absolve yourself - it would be a great gift. But I know it takes time and acceptance, and they are hard-won.
Hang in there, and be gentle with yourself. You had to make a decision, and you did. I am in awe of you for that! Luv, Barbara
(& Tink)kitty

Al Hirt

A Jazzy New- Orleans Kitty
Purred: Wed Apr 20, '11 12:55pm PST 
You did the best thing you could for your Bonnie, even if it was the hardest thing you ever did. Sorry the vet does not respond to your e-mails, even if you gave Bonnie to her, cannot understand why she could not share with you how she is doing.

We all understand your concern and "second guessing", all humans owned by cats go through the same thing.

The New Orleans Kitties