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Trying to be Sensible.......

  
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Emma Barrett

It\'s good to be- the Queen
 
 
Purred: Wed Dec 9, '09 12:29pm PST 
Jan: Delyte brings up an excellent point I did not think about.....does your breeder have any male British Shorthair kittens? Naturally you want a cat who will blend into the family.

Now that I think about it, I still can't get over how Emma and Charmaine play with little Al. Will try and get photos of he and Charmaine playing....he is on the floor and she is holding him down, and then he goes after her.

Don't worry, there IS a kitty out there that is rigtht for you.....and Grandad Conrad will be sure to send him to you. He will lean down from the Rainbow Bridge and tap the kitty on his forehead and say....there is your new meowmy......go and make her happy!

The New Orleans Kitties
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Harvey

Has been COTD!
 
 
Purred: Wed Dec 9, '09 12:39pm PST 
It really depends on the personality of each cat, and the chemistry among them. Umesaburo is two years old, and he doesn't seem to be concerned about anything (he just wants to get out of that cage...). Girl cats can have issues just as boy cats can; they might even be nastier (cattier?). But I think a girl cat wouldn't challenge Colin's position; she might have problems with Tambolina, but then again, might not. Chibi, Currier, and Elise bonded immediately and are almost always together. On the other hand, male cats tend to be more affectionate...However, you want a feisty cat, and you put up with Conrad's rather challenging personality. Hmm.

No snow here. It's autumn leaf season. The seasons are weird in this country.
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Gracie

I'm the baby,- gotta love me!
 
 
Purred: Wed Dec 9, '09 1:37pm PST 
I think personality always trumps gender. I had heard that girl cats are always looking to be bosses too, but Gracie is such a sweetheart with Boris, even now as she is approaching two, and she is a sweet cuddly kitty period that it has basically changed my opinion about girl cats.

Yes Boris is sweeter to me to the point of neediness, but Gracie is sweet and even tempered. She does not have a feisty bone in her body, and while she can be a little aloof, she also is very patient with me and my need to hold her, kiss her, and fuss over her (Boris OTOH is Mister Love Me, but if he decides he's upset at you, he definitely makes you feel snubbed frown). Sometimes (like right now) she even sneaks in the odd nap next to me and purrs like a motorboat during it, and she probably would do it more often if Boris wasn't such a boor about wanting "mommy and me" time all the time. wink

Jan, I think that old age has to do with what you think of Grandad Conrad's personality (feisty, short tempered), but I wouldn't be surprised that a younger kitty would help remind you that Conrad probably also was sweeter and more easygoing in his youth. So I hope you find a sweetheart of a kitty who doesn't necessarily replace Grandad, but makes new room in your heart for him or her.
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kaya skye

not fighting my- demons-we joined- forces
 
 
Purred: Wed Dec 9, '09 8:36pm PST 
in feral cat colonies, highest status goes to the queen with the most kittens. then the junior queens-status by number of kittens. queens will fight to keep their territory-the best spot for nesting and hunting, with places to park babies while they hunt, etc.
highest status male is the one who can kick the most ass, who tends to sire the most kittens, because queens tend to go for the highest status available-the guy that beats up the most other guys. lowest status adult is altered males who wander into a colony.

those are feral cat colonies. they follow that pattern because it's instinct, it's instinct because it works. how this translates to the inside, less hormonal world...?

well, females will always be more territorial. and males have a tendency to be more what we would call 'jealous'-they really do seem to want/need more attention, and to be more likely to resent newcomers IF it means they get less attention. but as long as you provide enough territory (adding vertical territory helps) and enough attention, the cats will sort it out themselves. no scarcity situation, no war.
but there will be rumbles. because that's fun. (and good exercise)

shrug
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♥- Suey- ♥

Loved
 
 
Purred: Thu Dec 10, '09 1:09am PST 
I have had two adult cats as fosters while I've had Fui and Suey, Stella and Evie. Evie was very territorial and aggressive. With people (adults and children) she was a gentle lovebug, but hated the sight of another cat. Stella on the other hand had the most amazing cat manners. She was very willing to take the bottom rung of the ladder and we never had any problem with the way the three interacted. If possible, we would have kept her in a heart beat, whereas we could not have made it work with Evie.

I really do think it is about the individual, rather than gender and age. Jan, is it possible for you to speak to Tambi's breeder about taking a kitty on a trial basis? I'm sure they would understand that you are wanting to do the best for everyone involved.
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Tambolina

No...the magic- is still- here...!!!
 
 
Purred: Thu Dec 10, '09 8:11am PST 
Right....thank you all so much for your posts.....so many, and so full of cat-thoughts and cat-wisdom....but a bit confusing.......do I need a young cat, an older cat, a pedigree, a moggie, a male, a female.....EEEEEkkkkk!!!!!

It never works out as you think (or so it seems to me)......when we got Tambi I was so SURE that Colin would love her and play with her, Miss Lillie would mother her and bop her and Grandad would....would....take some convincing!!!! (He was 13 then and already a disciplinarian)

BUT it did not turn out so....Colin hated her from the start and still does (although, because he is such a useless Top Cat he cannot make this properly known) and Grandad ADORED her....she was his heart's darling and the pride of his old age.....

SO I really, truly do not know where to go from here........What my heart really calls out for is a little black male moggie kitten called 'Crannog' (his informal name would be 'Noggin-the-Noo') don't know....don't know.....

BUT I am so grateful to you all for HELPING me.....helping me to try to GIVE REALITY for me to a new kitty.....helping me to work through the HORROR of Grandad's passing and the ensuing loss and emptiness.....

Thank you, People and Pussycats......

Jan
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Harvey

Has been COTD!
 
 
Purred: Thu Dec 10, '09 7:07pm PST 
I'm sure you'll be able to find your Crannog. We all have color/breed preferences. But I've discovered that choosing cats for their coloration can lead to disappointment in the long run. I chose Harvey because I wanted a red tabby Maine Coon, and now we're very bonded. I am not a particular fan of grey (brown) tabbies, but Spike is a very loving cat. I chose Leila and Chibi for their markings, but Leila is very standoffish. Chibi is more outgoing than Leila, but we haven't really bonded. Currier doesn't like being held or petted too much, but she always wants to be with me, which is why I kept her. And Elise was sort of forced on me--I don't really like brown and white MCs--but she's turned out to be one of my most affectionate cats. Search for your black kitty if you must, but make sure that his personality is what you're looking for. In order to judge a cat's personality, an older kitten or adult cat is the best choice, I think.
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Delyte, Dark- Angel, at- Bridge

Me and my- person, together- against all
 
 
Purred: Thu Dec 10, '09 8:33pm PST 
This is Delyte. My person has had 5 black cats, and several feral ones, so she clearly is a big fan of the black cat! So she personally thinks that Jan should get a young black male cat, kitten or less than a year old, with a very sweet disposition to her for sure, and hope that he will work in with the other cats in some compatible way. But he has to be the cat that comes to you, purrs for you, and looks into your eyes. It won't be like Conrad, but you need to recognize a bond. So don't do what my person did and let people give you a cat because it needs a home--it has never worked out for her. With so many cats needing homes, it is so hard to be choosy like this, but you have to do it.

Again, personally, we have never had a purebred cat, so we don't know how they are. There are some kinds of purebreds that have more assertive personalities, so if that helps? Or if there is a purebred kind that you really think is beautiful? My person has always liked the solid black kitties, but lately she has been looking at the ads for those big Savannah cats. But she is way over her cat limit now, so she will just have to have Fluff as her Savannah cat substitute.

Giant purrs!
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kaya skye

not fighting my- demons-we joined- forces
 
 
Purred: Thu Dec 10, '09 8:38pm PST 
yes, you don't really know what the personality is going to mutate into. kaya was a super-active, daring, not particularly needy young kitten. as a two-year-old she is still curious and active, but she's also somewhat nervous, even a bit emotionally fragile. the obsessive behavior that was amusing in a kitten is worrisome in the adult. and while the kitten only found me interesting at night, the adult is a lapcat who frets and mourns when i leave the house.
jadyn? who knows. but she and kaya love each other, and i love them both, and it doesn't matter. i'll accommodate if need be, and she'll likely accommodate me and the environment here. i get a chance to shape her, to some degree, by adopting her as a wee one.

that's the trade-off. watching the development and getting a chance to be a part of it to some degree, or foregoing that and adopting an adult, and being able to choose a personality that's likely to mesh.
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