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Discussion: Is too much love a bad thing?

This is a place to gain some understanding of cat behavior and to assist people in training their cats and dealing with common behavior problems, regardless of the method(s) used. Keep in mind that you may be receiving advice from other cat owners and lovers...not professionals. If you have a major problem, always seek the advice of a trainer or behaviorist!

  
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Hunter- *Dreamboat- #82*

Master of- Disaster!
 
 
Purred: Tue Apr 3, '12 3:38am PST 
I was talking with my co-workers about Hunter. Usually I tell them about his antics, how he escapes, and lately I've been saying how whiny/needy he is. I got a response I wasn't really prepared for. They told me that I made him that way. No, I didn't give birth to Hunter. From what I understand they are saying that I love him so much and I cuddled with him when he was a kitten, that he is now craving the attention all the time. Hunter has his own free will, he can do as he pleases. I almost refuse to believe I created or molded Hunter into this needy cat.

My co-workers told me to ignore him. Usually for Hunter, that makes it worse. He will get louder and be bad usually by going places hes not allowed to go. Another person told me that she throws pillows and soft things at her cat and he goes away. Um, I am NOT going to throw things at Hunter. I don't know where these people come from. Seriously, isn't that animal abuse??

So the big question is: Is too much love a bad thing? Can loving your cat make him/her into this whiny, needy, hovering, greet you at the door, shadow?

I personally don't think so. Hunter is needy at times, but he knows he gets love in return. He isn't always like that. He has his own mind and chooses how to be.

What do you guys think?
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Leo

purrrr
 
 
Purred: Tue Apr 3, '12 6:44am PST 
Leo here can be very loud and persistent about requesting attention....especially in the morning when he has gone all night without it. It has crossed my mind that I've "spoiled" my kitties. But was it a mistake? NO! I think so many people don't enjoy their cats because they have never given them all the love and playtime they need and, therefore, don't get to see that the cats actually crave this. I'm glad for my spoiled kitties. I get to see how much they love the attention and pampering they get around here.

The people throwing pillows at their cats...why do they have cats if they don't want the cat to enjoy their company? shrug
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Natalie the- Natcat,- Forever

Show some- respect,- youngster!
 
 
Purred: Tue Apr 3, '12 7:31am PST 
Ugh! The 'Mom' here!
I would probably thow something at my co-workers if they said that. I don't discuss my cats much at work, mainly because I find that unless I'm talking with a 'Cat Person' like someone who's a fellow Rescuer or someone here, they simply don't 'get it'.
Natalie is very needy lately. It worries me, because I wonder if she's feeling something she's trying to tell us about. Husband does not think this, he thinks his work get up time is 3:30am to 4:00 am, so that is when she's used to him getting up, feeding her, and her taking over his or my bed space under the cover.

Did we make her this way? Well, who knows? We don't care-as far as we're concerned, Natalie, and all our furkids are our family. They give so much love and wonder that if we're sleep deprived and sometimes dealing with excessive neediness, thats just the way it is.

I don't think you 'made' Hunter that way at all! I think cats sense our moods, and they have moods and emotions of their own. Perhaps he's picking up on something and feeling a bit more clingy.

We do use Feliway, and are considering a calming doorknob thingy to see if that helps.

We think you are a wonderful Hunter Mom.
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Alfie - Angel DB#14

Little Darling
 
 
Purred: Wed Apr 4, '12 1:20am PST 
If to love them is to spoil them then I would rather spoil my kitties any day. When I am stroking my kitties and they are purring I think it is the most soothing experience and I get just as much out of loving my cats as they get out of me loving them.

Stuff your co-workers maybe you should get one of those sponge bricks and when they annoy you you should throw it at them. See how they feel then.

Edited by author Wed Apr 4, '12 1:24am PST

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Cruiser

Top 25 Winner- Region 1- 2011-2012
 
 
Purred: Thu Apr 5, '12 4:01am PST 
At work, I am the resident cat person, mol, they all know how I am, and what I know, so they come to me. I found, its very rare, to find people, that feel like we do, here on Catster. For most, the kitty, is just there.

They come ask me, the solution is usually pretty simple, I tell them exactly, what to do. They don't, its too much trouble. Anything other, than feeding them, and picking their box, is too much bother. I used to get upset, now I have to distance myself from them. Just as on here or any board, I give the info, its up to them, weather they pursue it or not.

One person, actually, did do what I told them, altho, it took the kitty almost dying to do it. Her kitty had crystals, I told her and told her and told her, what to do. She didn't, next thing I know, the kitty had PU surgery, and her vet told her to put the kitty down. She came to me, again. I told her, this is the last time, I am going to tell you. I sent her to my vet, she actually went, the kitty is doing very well.


waveway to gohug
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Emma Barrett

It\'s good to be- the Queen
 
 
Purred: Thu Apr 5, '12 8:50am PST 
Considering how much love my cats give me, I don't know HOW I could possibly give them "too much love." Hunter's mom, you sound like all the other CATSTER moms and dads. None of us could think "Too Much Love Is A Bad Thing". I say that it was Emma and Louie who got me through those terrible months after I lost everything in Hurricane Katrina. They adopted me in May, 2006 and many, many a night I cried myself to sleep with one of them on each side of me. Cats DO sense our moods, and know when we need that extra "Purr Therapy". We agree, you are just being a Good Cat Mom, Hunter's Mom. Our meowmy would also be tempted to throw something at the co-worker who throws stuff at her cat when it wants to get near her.

Cruiser....wavewave - How are you and your family doing? Weather getting warmer "Up North".....feels like we skipped Spring here in South Louisiana, and went right into Summer.
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Alexander,- Dreamboat- #110

I am really a- lap dog in- disguise.
 
 
Purred: Thu Apr 5, '12 7:04pm PST 
Are you kidding me!.....don't listen to them. I love my cats and they gave me affection unconditionally...There is nothing like your cat waiting for you when you get home. Alex
follows me around the house and is the best company. He doesn't lecture me or tell me what
I am doing wrong. He doesn't ask for much so giving love is easy.....I bet that they don't say that to dog people....I loved my Natasha like Alex but she didn't follow me around. Each cat is different and gives their love differently...Ignore them...and don't share your cat stories with them. They won't understand....
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Sammy

The Red Rocker
 
 
Purred: Thu Apr 5, '12 7:40pm PST 
I don't agree at all with your co-workers. It is not acceptable to throw things at your cats, and in my opinion, that is a form of animal abuse.

Secondly, I don't believe that loving and giving lots of attention to your animals is spoiling them. All my cats have different moods, and sometimes they do act needy and follow me around when they want attention. I give them extra love and attention when they demand it, and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, that is one of the things I love so much about them and I enjoy giving and receiving affection from them.

You sound like a very caring cat Mom, and I probably wouldn't share anymore stories about Hunter with them if that is the advice they are giving you.
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Cruiser

Top 25 Winner- Region 1- 2011-2012
 
 
Purred: Fri Apr 6, '12 4:02am PST 
I also think, each kitty is an individual, just as people are. They each have their own little personality.
I got Prowler when he was 6 weeks old, thats what the vet estimated he was. Someone threw out the momma and babies, or maybe threw out the momma and she had babies.

A lady at work had been feeding them. She said one day, something scared the kittens, 5 ran into the woods, only 3 came back out. So she brought them to work, to find homes. Prowler was the last one, nobody wanted him. My supervisor came and got me, said Debbie has kittens, she dragged me out to her car, took him out of the carrier and put him on my shoulder. That was it, thats all she wrote.

He had to stay in the carrier for the rest of the day, which was put in a conference room. You could hear him crying thru out the whole office. Nobody said a word.

He has been clingy and needy from day 1. If he can see me, but can't get to me, he cries and cries.
Maybe its just his personality, who knows what happened to him, or how he came to show up at that lady's house, maybe that had something to do with it, I don't know.

All my kittens were brought up the same way, lots of love, attention, affection, and taught to behave and taught manners. They all hang on me and follow me around, and have to be, where I am, but Prowler is the only clingy one.

It doesn't matter why, he does it, thats just how he is.

I really don't care what my co workers think, and I stop sharing stories, like Sammy said. waveway to gohug
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Alexis

never stops- talking
 
 
Purred: Fri Apr 6, '12 5:43pm PST 
i am very loud i start meowing and meowing for no reason alot. its because i want someone to notice me. mom usally gives me cuddles and kisses when i do that. nellie when she wants attention she will get in your face and start purring and not leave. but usally mom stops what shes doing pays attention to us and pets us when want attention.
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