Problems with Getting Along

This is a place to gain some understanding of cat behavior and to assist people in training their cats and dealing with common behavior problems, regardless of the method(s) used. Keep in mind that you may be receiving advice from other cat owners and lovers...not professionals. If you have a major problem, always seek the advice of a trainer or behaviorist!


Tanner - The King of- Adventure!
Purred: Wed Jul 27, '05 4:49pm PST 
Tanner looooves to be outside! It's good exercise for him, and I'm glad he's out and about.

However, since we adopted our new girl kitty, Bobbi, he's been out much more. Sometimes, he'll be away for days on end, without so much of a sign of him for us, just to know he's okay. Even when he finally comes back, he eats a bit and runs away outside again!

It didn't take this long for him to get used to Ebony. Could it be simply because Bobbi is female, even though they are both fixed? Or perhaps, because of Bobbi's size (she's pretty big), she intimidates him? He's much smaller, and he's younger, as well. But that had no effort with Ebony, who has years older than Tanner.

Please help me figure out why Tanner keeps running away outside! It drives me crazy not knowing where he is. Also, is there anything I can do to help them get along? After a month, they're still hissy with each other.

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Purred: Wed Jul 27, '05 7:44pm PST 
Well your previous cats were all male & perhaps Tanner was used to being with "the boys". Bobbi could be intimidating to Tanner and of course she is a different sex. You could try giving Tanner his "own space" somewhere in your home that is "off limits" to Bobbi and maybe this would lure him to stay home/come home more often. Once he gets into a regular pattern of coming home you can reintroduce the two of them to each other again slowly. They may never be great buddies, but hopefully one day they may tolerate each other.

Soddie D

Get 'em!
Purred: Fri Jul 29, '05 9:34am PST 
Aw im sorry that your cat keeps doing that. I really know how it feels to have sparring cats. But i just advise you to be patient! Soddie was 7 when we brought Iggy in last year. At first she LOATHED him, always bullying and picking on him and even though he's 4 times bigger than her he never fought back. Anyway 12 months later after many scraps today i found them both lying together!

I'm sure your cat just needs time to adjust. Good luck!

Jack- O'Lantern

I know the word- that rhymes with- orange!
Purred: Sat Jul 30, '05 3:27pm PST 
Oh yeah, been there...sometimes I get freaked out by one thing or another and I can't make myself come in except to eat a few bites...I don't let anyone come near me even! My humans eventually take action: they wait for me to come in to eat, then shut the cat door. I am FORCED to be inside until I bond with the house again. Sometimes it takes a few hours, sometimes several, sometimes they've done it for a few hours each day for a couple of days until I get over myself. I hate it, but it works.
Also, when Heidi used to get so scared she would hide under the shed all day (that's how goofy she used to be), they would get her and make her stay in for 24 hours. And her bonded human would do a weird little thing--spit on her thumb and use it to "scent" Heidi's face and chin (like a thumb bath), because that is what a momcat would do--so that Heidi would be "re-bonded." It sounds like a strange thing to do, but it seemed to have the proper effect.
Good luck.


Eye have a- singular point- of view
Purred: Sat Jul 30, '05 3:34pm PST 
Cats are so very territorial. Your boy may have decided that the girl has taken over his territory and his domain is now outside. What Jack is trying to say is that you might try to reaffirm the territorial and human bonds with him with some of these techniques. For male cats, a female is the Queen and they will often relinquish control in her presence. Let your boy know he still belongs and that this is "shared" territory...and he will work out his place with Her Highness!