August 7th 2010 6:38 pm
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This is Tallulah's Mom Peggy
I haven't been on Caster lately because this past week Tallulah has not been doing well, she has been failing. So I have been spending my time with her and keeping watch.
I took her to her Oncologist appointment on Friday. Because QT hasn't been doing good and they saw that she was just laying in her crate, they examined her, did up blood work and the CBC. All her organs are good except of course her lungs and her blood was good. They weighed her she has lost 6 ozs. since her last visit 5 weeks ago. Her vet said she is now on borrowed time and she is a miracle because most cats would not still be here...that's my girl she is a fighter.
I decided to try the chemo one more time to help her feel better, she is suppose to go back in three weeks, but not sure if she will last that long only God knows...
She is weaker, slower and doesn't have much energy now...she does get up and walk around the house but just slower, she is sleeping most of the time and she is still eating.
We wanted all of our wonderful and special friends to know that QT's time here is short, not sure what tomorrow will bring or how much longer I will have here with me.
As a lot of you know it isn't easy, I am having a really hard time knowing I will be loosing my sweet precious Tallulah...I am cherishing every minute I have with her
With the sad news and knowing that I won't be on much or at all I won't be able to answer your pawmails right away, just pray for my baby...you don't need to send her jealies just prayers...
I will try to get on and let you know how she is doing but it is so hard for me to type this as it makes me cry....
I thank you all for the love, support and the care you have shown QT and me...words can not express how much it has meant to me....
We pray for all of the other kitties and doggies that are sick or have gone to the rainbow bridge...Bless all of you.
Peggy and my QT
August 20th 2010 7:37 pm
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Well my friends I am not feeling well again it has been 2 weeks since my last chemo & the affects of making me feel better isn't working anymore. I am sleeping all the time now, not eating much; Mom is giving me baby food meat sometimes I lick it off a tiny spoon and other times I lick it off of her fingers..I don't want to eat my can food...
When I do get up and walk around I can't go far before I have to stop and lay down, it is too much for me to walk all over the house anymore.
Mom has been crying today because she knows my time here is short, we are going day by day now...she told me if I want to go to let her know and it is OK...but I am not ready just yet.
She told me she emailed an animal communicator to possibly talk to me about what I want and how I want to leave...she also ordered my casket it will be pink. Mom thought about having me cremated when the time comes but she just can't do it. So Mom is reluctantly accepting that I will loose my fight soon.
I am trying to tell Mom not to cry for me, I am OK and we will get through this together because we have always been together since the day she decided to adopt me, she told me we will always be together, we have now and forever, just not in body, but in spirit & in her heart, then one day we will be together again in heaven for always. But until then I am still here so don't give up on me Mom, just love me and be here for me like you always have been...and she is!!!!!!
Know we think of all of you, love you all and Mom will let you know how I am doing and what happens.
Breast Cancer Survivor and a fighter
Bless you all and please give your fur babies love
August 25th 2010 2:21 pm
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I don’t know where to begin….but to say thank you for all of your emails, comments, gifts, love and support. At this time I am just unable to read them I will when I am feeling better. I can’t even be on her page right now it is too hard and it hurts too much.
You all have been here from the beginning with Tallulah’s fight she began in July of 2009. The love and support has been so awesome I know I would never have been able to get through this past year and these last few days without all of you.
Tallulah’s last visit with her oncologist he told me that it wouldn’t be long until the chemo wasn’t working and once that happened she was going to go fast, little did I know how fast….it was hard to hear, so I knew I had to spend as much time with her as I could.
Thursday I got the feeling that she wasn’t feeling well, Friday I knew she was going downhill and wasn’t going to be here for long. I made her comfortable, I hand fed her baby food when she stopped wanting her regular food.
She became very weak on Saturday, was having trouble getting around, she had to lay down after only walking a short distance.
I saw it in her eyes that her fight wasn’t as strong as it had been. She even felt different like some of her spirit was gone...
I didn’t sleep much as I was with her and I had to keep checking on her. I was crying and praying for her. I told her it was OK if she wanted to go…but she hung on.
Sunday came and she was worse, she crawled into her dog brofurs cage to sleep. I had to feed her in there, it was hard to pick her up as she cried every time I did…I felt I needed to let her lay there…then that evening I decided I needed to get her in her own bed the one that her boyfriend Merry sent to her just a few days earlier…she was happy to be in it, but she wanted to spread out, I think she was hurting when she was all curled up..
When I was ready for bed, I picked up her bed with her in it and she cried again and then she threw up which she never does…I knew that was not a good sign. Again I didn’t sleep I was so upset, crying and wanting to be with her.
Sometime during the night my sweet Tallulah found the strength to get from my nightstand I had her on to my bed…she wanted to sleep with me like she always did until recently. I lifted her even though I knew it was hurting her to get her to her spot near me…I petted her gently, loved her and kissed her. We both feel asleep for a short time, when I woke I knew what I had to do…she gave me her last gift of sleeping with me…I had to give her the gift of peace.
I got up around 5:30 am as I had to go take care of a dog, but I knew that my Tallulah came first, I had to let her go. So I called the Vet Emergency Hospital near me to see if I could bring her in, I couldn’t wait for her vet as I knew she would come to my home to help her.
The drive to the hospital was so hard and it was the worst drive I have ever had to do…I sat in the car for a short time trying to get the nerve to walk in and let my precious baby go.
They took us to a private room so I could spend some time alone with Tallulah before they took her to get her ready and to check her vitals. The Vet Tech brought her back to me and then the Vet came in. Told me to let her know when I was ready. I told her I will never be ready, but I knew I had to do this for her. We talked about Tallulah. She was still in her bed I didn’t want her last memory of me hurting her, so I put my face to hers, kissed her, lovingly petting her and told her I love her and I will see her again ..so around 7am she became my angel.
Know that she went peacefully, she was ready. Her fight had left her and her spirit was gone, her body just couldn’t take anymore…the bond we had will never be broken not even in death. The Vet spent some time with me and made sure I was OK…she told me her vitals were very weak she wouldn’t have lasted much longer.
The pit in my stomach that has been there for a long time was gone, I was at peace with knowing my Sweet Tallulah was an angel now being helped by all of her angel friends and guardian angels that have been watching over her this past year.
I brought her home to be buried in our yard with her other cat sisfurs.
This is the hardest diary entry I have had to write, but I wanted all of you to know about my sweet girl QT.
REST IN PEACE MY SWEET WHITE FURRY ANGEL WITH PINK WINGS…YOU WERE A QUEEN IN PINK, A FIGHTER AND A SURVIVOR…
Now my other gift to her will be to keep the fight going with me being on a campaign to spread the word that not only humans get cancer, but our precious pets, it is deadly to our little girl kitties…so please check back as I get ready to start my quest for my Tallulah that she did not die in vain…but in honor and to help others so they don’t have to hopefully go through what she went through..
For now I still need to heal and mourn my loss. Know that she loved you all she sat with me all the time and watched the computer screen…THANK YOU ALL….CRYING AS I TYPE THIS, IT STILL HURTS….Peggy QT’s mom
August 25th 2010 7:08 pm
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THIS POEM IS FOR MY TALLULAH....AUTHOR UNKNOWN
Pawprints in my Heart
pet loss memorial poem
My lap is too too empty, and cold
the soft resting head no longer there to warm it.
No comfort to be found, no furry body to stroke
my quiet companion gone....
My heart is broken, there are no other words
to write it - this empty ache, this space
you filled, loving always, never judging...
My friend has left, and my hands, arms, all
helpless to stop it.
Little one, fly free, where the fields are green
and filled with friends gone before. I will
carry you always, your pawprints ever beating,
running joyously to greet me whenever I call
and memory stirs in my heart...
Yesterday when I was at a clients home outside in their backyard with it being hot the dog and I were outside...there was no wind it was still...all of a sudden the wind picked up their chimes chimed a beautiful sound, their dog was looking up and following something...at that moment I knew it was my Tallulah. The hair on my arms and neck stood up...she was there with me...
Then I had to take the little dog for a walk...I usually take her on her side of the street,just down the street from them on both sides is a wooded area...for some reason I decided to go across the street...when I got into the wooded area I saw a beautiful white butterfly with a very small amount of black....it circled around my head and then it kept circling the area I was in...I knew it was my angel Tallulah...she was letting me know she was fine and she would be with me always in some form or another, maybe the butterfly, maybe the wind or even a little kitty kiss...she would never leave me alone...our bond so great it gave me peace to know she was able to show me such a beautiful butterfly and to show me it was OK...
Just wanted to let you all know this...it was amazing...it brought tears to my eyes again, but also a joy like none other...Fly free my sweet you deserve it...you were so brave and strong, you are so amazing....love you my angel...Mommy
August 26th 2010 10:28 pm
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TODAY I WATCHED OVER MOMMY, SHE NEEDED TO ME TO BE WITH HER...AS I WATCHED HER KISS MY BODY, LOVELY CARESS ME AND HOLD ME SHE LAID ME IN MY CASKET MY FINAL RESTING PLACE AND SAID GOOD BYE...IT WAS HARD FOR MOM TO SLIDE THE COVER OVER ME KNOWING SHE WOULD NOT HAVE ME IN BODY WITH HER.
OH HOW SHE CRIED, I TRIED TO TELL HER I WAS WITH HER, BUT HER GRIEF WAS TOO MUCH FOR HER TO HEAR ME...SHE JUST STOOD THERE AND CRIED AND CRIED I WIPED HER TEARS BUT SHE DID NOT NOTICE HER GRIEF WAS TOO MUCH FOR HER....MOM SAYS THE EMPTINESS SHE IS FEELING IS JUST SO OVERWHELMING SHE FEELS LIKE SHE WANTS TO DIE TOO...THERE IS NOTHING BUT LONELINESS AND BLACKNESS NOW...
I GUESS I HAVE MY WORK CUT OUT FOR ME...I HAVE TO SPEND MORE TIME HELPING MOM SHE STILL NEEDS ME AND I WILL BE HERE IN SPIRIT GIVING HER LITTLE MESSAGES AND SIGNS THAT I HAVEN'T LEFT HER, NOT REALLY SHE JUST CAN'T HOLD ME ANYMORE, OR KISS ME...BUT I CAN KISS HER.
MY FRIEND MUGSY SENT MOM A POEM IT SAYS SO MUCH SO I HAVE WHISPERED TO MOM TO POST IT TONIGHT....HOPE THIS HELPS YOU MOM...PLEASE DO NOT CRY SO MUCH...I AM HERE I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU, OUR BOND CAN NOT BE BROKEN NOT EVEN IN DEATH...AND WE BOTH STILL HAVE A FIGHT TO COMPLETE...
THANK YOU MUGSY AND MOM FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL POEM FOR MOM
Beyond The Rainbow
As much as I loved the life we had and all the times we played,
I was so very tired and knew my time on earth would fade.
I saw a wondrous image then of a place that's trouble-free
Where all of us can meet again to spend eternity.
I saw the most beautiful Rainbow, and on the other side
Were meadows rich and beautiful -- lush and green and wide!
And running through the meadows as far as the eye could see
Were animals of every sort as healthy as could be!
My own tired, failing body was fresh and healed and new
And I wanted to go run with them, but I had something left to do.
I needed to reach out to you, to tell you I'm alright
That this place is truly wonderful, then a bright Glow pierced the night.
'Twas the Glow of many Candles shining bright and strong and bold
And I knew then that it held your love in its brilliant shades of gold.
For although we may not be together in the way we used to be,
We are still connected by a cord no eye can see.
So whenever you need to find me, we're never far apart
If you look beyond the Rainbow and listen with your heart
ANGEL QUEEN TALLULAH WITH PINK WINGS...I AM FLYING FREE AND I AM HEALED...BUT SAD THAT I CAN NOT BE WITH MOM IN BODY...BUT MY LOVE FOR HER SHE WILL FEEL AND SOON SHE WILL HEAL...
NITE MOM I LOVE YOU AND NITE TO MERRY, SCOUT, KING SIMBA AND ALL MY FRIENDS...ANGEL QT WILL RETURN AND SOON WILL LEARN TO SPRINKLE ANGEL DUST ON THOSE IN NEED AND BE A GUARDIAN ANGEL...
August 27th 2010 7:08 pm
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Dear Lord, please open your gates
and call St. Francis
to come escort this beloved companion
across the Rainbow Bridge.
Assign her to a place of honor,
for she has been a faithful servant
and has always done her best to please me.
Bless the hands that send her to you,
for they are doing so in love and compassion,
freeing her from pain and suffering.
Grant me the strength not to dwell on my loss.
Help me remember the details of her life
with the love she has shown me.
And grant me the courage to honor her
by sharing those memories with others.
Let her remember me as well
and let her know that I will always love her,
and when it's my time to pass over into your paradise,
please allow her to accompany those
who will bring me home.
Thank you , Lord,
for the gift of her companionship
and for the time we've had together
And thank you, Lord,
for granting me the strength
to give her to you now..
August 27th 2010 7:26 pm
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TODAY WAS ANOTHER HARD DAY FOR MOM I WAS THERE TO KEEP WATCH OVER HER...BUT SHE MADE IT THROUGH THE DAY....
HAZEL LUCY'S MOM CALLED TO CHECK ON MY MOM, SHE ALWAYS HELPS MOM...SHE ALSO WANTED TO LET MOM KNOW I AM BEING HONORED TODAY AS COTD...MOM DIDN'T KNOW BECAUSE SHE WAS NOT ON THE COMPUTER TODAY...MOM HAS BEEN HAVING TROUBLE WITH THE INTERNET...IT WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF HOPEFULLY TOMORROW....IT GETS LOCKED IN THE LOADING MODE......
I AM SO HONORED THAT HQ AND FRIENDS HAVE HONORED ME SO MUCH THIS WEEK, FIRST MOMS WEARING PINK TO HONOR ME AND NOW I AM COTD..MOM WOULD HAVE MISSED IT IF NOT FOR OUR SPECIAL FRIEND...THANK YOU
MOM IS STILL HAVING A HARD TIME, I AM TRYING TO HELP HER, BUT I KNOW IT WILL TAKE TIME....
PLEASE KNOW THAT MOM WILL GET TO YOUR MESSAGES AND GIFTS IT IS STILL TOO HARD TO READ..WE BOTH LOVE YOU ALL AND THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS, THERE ARE REALLY NO WORDS MOM CAN EXPRESS HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT ALL OF YOU. MOM KNOWS WE ALL GO THROUGH THIS, NONE OF US ARE IMMUNE TO HAVING TO LOSE OUR BELOVED FUR BABIES, SO HOPE YOU ALL UNDERSTAND IF WE DON'T ALWAYS LET YOU KNOW PERSONALLY HOW MOM IS DOING...
MOM'S BRAIN ISN'T FUNCTIONING TOO GOOD RIGHT NOW, I HAVE BEEN WITH HER WATCHING OVER HER TO MAKE SURE WHEN SHE IS OUT DRIVING AND DOING THINGS THAT SHE IS OK AND NOTHING HAPPENS...
MOM GOT ROSE COLORED FLOWER POTS FOR MY GRAVE SHE WANTED PINK BUT COULDN'T FIND ANY...SHE BOUGHT SUCCULENT PLANTS TO PUT IN THEM CAUSE WE LIVE IN SAN DIEGO WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL OF WATER.. THEY ARE ON MY GRAVE NOW AND SHE REMEMBERED SHE HAD A WOODEN WHITE KITTY PLANT DECORATION SO SHE PUT IF ON MY GRAVE...SOON I WILL HAVE MY MEMORY STONE AND SOME GROUND COVER...IT WILL BE SO PRETTY I KNOW IT WILL CAUSE I WILL HELP IT GROW WITH LOVE FROM ME TO MOM...ONCE SHE WAS DONE SHE WAS HOLDING MY PILLOW COVER I GOT FROM MY FRIEND ANNA'S MOM, I LAID ON WHEN I PAST ON IT BROUGHT COMFORT TO MOM, SHE WAS LOOKING AT MY GRAVE SAID A PRAYER AND ASKED ME TO SHOW HER A SIGN I WAS HERE...GUESS WHAT I DID I BROUGHT 2 SMALL WHITE BUTTERFLIES INTO THE YARD AND THEY CIRCLED MY GRAVE AND SOME BUSHES...MOM SAW THEM SHE CRIED AND CRIED...SHE KNEW I WAS HERE WITH HER AND I APPROVED OF MY PRETTY GRAVE SHE DID FOR ME SO LOVINGLY...I LOVE YOU MOM WE ARE NOT APART WE ARE TOGETHER NOW AND FOREVER....I MISS YOU KISSING ME BUT I GET TO KISS YOU...
ANGEL QT WITH HER PINK WINGS
August 31st 2010 9:43 pm
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It has been a week since I made my journey... Mom and I want to thank each and everyone of you from the bottom of our hearts for all of your messages, gifties and support...there are so many Mom finally read some of them tonight and all she did was cry...she is unable to thank everyone there are so many, but please know they all mean so much to Mom...
Mom is still having a hard time not having me there with her, she says there is so much emptiness and loneliness in her heart now. She keeps asking herself why all the time, she doesn't come up with an answer...but she tells me she will not stop fighting for me even in death...she needs to get the word out that all pet owners need to check their pets, watch for changes and watch what kind of food you feed us...the more holistic/organic the better.
Well I have to go and rest now I am still healing and becoming well again and getting used to my beautiful pink wings...I guess I will need to take some flying lessons so i can fly and land better...sending each one of you love and peace...know I am here and I am watching over not only my family but my friends that need me to watch over you...
QT THE ANGEL QUEEN WITH PINK WINGS
September 1st 2010 9:10 pm
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WOW Mom got a package today she knew what it was her friend called her the other day to tell her she was having a gift sent for me and Mom...
It came just as Mom was leaving I was watching over Mom she needs me and knows I am here...she didn't open it until later in the day, she wasn't sure she was ready to see the gift...
When Mom opened it she was sad and shocked at the color...it is a statue of a kitty laying down with wings for my grave...it is a bright pink color, Mom says it looks like it will glow in the dark it is so bright...
It says Beloved Lula..that is what her friend called me...Mom wanted to seal it so she sprayed with her sealant stuff and now she is waiting for it to dry and tomorrow she will place it on my grave...
And tonight Mom order my special memorial of a paw and she will be able to put a picture of me, then she ordered a memorial stone that will have my name and date/s on it...WOW I will have so many things on or near my grave no one will miss it...Mom also ordered another kitty statue I helped her pick it out, I guided her & we found one at a nursery, the kitty is stretching with the bottom in the air, she said it reminded her of me using my cardboard scratcher backwards after my surgery....
I told Mom in the night that she will have to take pictures so my friends can see where I was laid to rest and she can go visit with me and watch for the butterflies...that I send to her.
nite all from QT the Angel in Pink
September 2nd 2010 8:13 pm
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My kitty friend Lady and her Daddy sent Mom this poem and Mom wants to share it...this is how I felt when I needed to go and have Mom help...she knows I am here with her and will never leave her!!! Thank you Lady and Dad...
FROM FRIEND TO FRIEND
You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.
But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.
So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic, that will
Once more make me whole.
The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.
That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner 'til the end.
Please, understand just what this gift,
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.
You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it too.
So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To now grant me this appeal.
Cut the bonds that hold me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady cat,
My pain and struggle done.
And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.
I'll be there watching over you,
Your forever friend,
And in your memories I'll play,
Healthy once again.
Queen Tallulah Angel in Pink
I love you Mom, I am at peace!!!!
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