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Timo's Tall Tales

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Mom won't let us go to the Cat's Meow

June 10th 2012 5:11 pm
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Mietzi and I got an invitation in the mail to attend 'The Cat's Meow'. It was addressed to Mom but it's for us because we are the only felines livng here. The Cat's Meow is a Feline Benefit for our local shelter. I'm from that shelter. I really want to go. There is going to be snacks, music, silent auction, more snacks, door prizes, a cash bar, snacks for the way home.

The invitation is printed on nice papurr (see photo on my page) and there is a R.S.V.P. (Return So we know how much Veal to Prepare) card and return envelope. Mom is not very nice because she won't let us go! It's the same night that she's going to see a Mewsical and she already has her tickets. Now what is more important? Fundraising for shelter cats or watching some silly humans sing and dance?


Would you like to wake up with happy thoughts?

July 2nd 2012 9:06 pm
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Found a leaflet stuck in our storm door today:
"Would you like to wake up every morning with happy, positive thoughts?"

That's were I quit reading. I AM waking up with happy thoughts every morning.

Happy thoughts about Mom making me breakfast. What will it be today? Turkey, chicken, lamb or fish. Or a combination? Sliced, diced or pate?

Happy thoughts about sitting here with the cool air-blowy thingy while it's 98 degree outside.

Happy thoughts about watching the birdies in the morning and a few days ago I saw a little Bunny hop on by.

Happy thoughts about wrestling matches with Mietzi.

Thanks, I don't need any help with my happy thoughts.

Happy purrs,


Riddle - What is 99?

July 16th 2012 7:39 pm
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What is 99?

A - the number of kibble pieces left in my kibble container? (Yikes! MOM, I NEED more kibble!!)

B - the number of bottles of nip-lemonade on the wall? (Mmmmh nip)

C - the temperature here in Central Iowa today? (Heat, heat go away. Rain come our way)

D - the number of times Mietzi meows to be let outside on an average day? (Yes, Mom always goes with her)

Post the answer in the comments.



July 18th 2012 4:06 am
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Furs. We have a serious problem. Please pray and purr for rain everypaw. Many States here in the USA are in a drought right now. We've had mid to upper 90s temps for 3 weeks now with two puny rain showers and no end in sight.

Iowa is the nations top producer for corn and soy beans. A quarter of the corn harvest is basically ruined already. The governor declared some southern counties as agricultural disaster zone. Purrsonally I don't like corn. I eat food that has no corn in it. But corn is in a lot of the stuff that the humans eat. This affects everypaw. Your food prices will go up or have gone up already. Fuel with ethanol in it will go up. Our ground water levels are very low. Fish are dying because their rivers and lakes get hot. Trees are losing their leaves, young trees are in danger of not making it. There is an increased risk of fires with it being so dry.

Mom needs to go and water our tree now she says.
Very concerned,


XXX Oh! Lympics?

July 27th 2012 8:46 am
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So my friend Toby who lives in England has told me all about the Oh!Lympics. They are in his county and all the humans are so excited about it.

Mom says we're going to watch it tonight. I consulted my TV schedule so that I could get the snacks and the comfy blankie ready in time and it says the XXX Summer Olympics start at 6:30 pm. What? Why is that show marked XXX? I was telling Mom that we are NOT going to watch anything XXX. Oh my catness, why would you watch anything like that? Mom says usually you have to stay away from anything marked XXX but with the Oh!Lympics it's okay because the XXX just means it's the 30th Summer Oh!Lympics. Well, we'll see. I'm gonna sneak a peak tonight. Hope it turns out OK.



August 1st 2012 5:00 pm
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Woke up this morning, checked email, and there were so many from Catster. I was thinking, Did Mom forget my birthday AGAIN? Wait a minute..... my birthday is not today. Did I forget my birthday? Let's check my birth certifiCAT. Oh, I don't have one. Let's check my Catster page. Yup, my birthday is still on April 6th. Hmmm Diary Pick? Nope. Cat of the Day? Nope.

Let's read some of these notes on the cakes. Oooh free cake. Yay.
I've been stuffing my face since this morning. I can't eat another bite. Rest goes in the fridge and the freezer.

THANK YOU DEAR FRIENDS. I might have to take up exercising now. I need to get busy and mail some cakes out to everyfur.


What I have missed at the Iowa State Fair

August 10th 2012 3:24 pm
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The Fair started yesterday. We bugged Mom that we wanted to go but she didn't take us. I've missed the Turkey Calling Competition :( I would have loved to see how many turkeys come when called.

Also the mass Zumba class held on the main concord. Yes, I can zumba.

Now I just missed the "eat as much chocolate ice cream as you can in two minutes without using your hands or paws" :(


How to be a DDP and I'm missing the Fair!

August 16th 2012 5:48 pm
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How to be a DDP. You just need to brew lots of nip tea for a sisfur who temporarely lost her meow. And you gotta say things like: Oooh poor Mietzi, I'm so sorry that you can't meow. (Finally I can get a word in, MOL). Thank mew all who stopped by to concatulate me to my DDP.

The State Fair started last week Purrsday and Mom STILL didn't take us. Well, Mietzi can't go anyway. She lost her meow last Caturday. She kinda got it back now. She's still too quiet, and Mom heard her cough this morning and just now, so we better leave her at home.

I'm missing all the fun stuff at the Fair. I missed the sack race and the Milk Chug-A-Lug Contest. And I wanted to learn how to make a quilt. Just imagine, I could have quilted my own quilt to sleep on. Then there is the food: Corn Dogs (hold the corn on mine), turkey legs, pork chop on a stick, lamb burger, Eyetalian meatball samich, cheese curds, mouse on a stick....

Then there is the Bill Riley Talent search and I wanted to sing for them. Then there is Iowa's Beautiful Bluebirds!!! and Mountain Lions in Iowa, Archery Basics, Trumpeting for Trumpeter Swans, Duck Calling Contest, Line Dance Lessons. The Grape Stomp sounds like fun and the Ham and Bacon judging. There is a Bangal Tiger Encounger (scary!!) and The World of the Wolf and I wanted to go to the Petting Zoo :(
MOM I need to go to the Fair, Pleeeeeeease.


Rats-Pie starboard side ahead

September 19th 2012 3:47 am
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I'm a Pie-Rat and I don't care. I walk around all day in my underfur.

Ahoy me maties. Full steam ahead. Hard starboard side. Look out yonder. Tharrrr she blows. Arrrrg, a treasure chest for me hearties. Quick-like, pull her in maties.
Heave Hoooo.
Heave Hooooo.
Heave Hoooo.
Gaaaar, bust err open on the double! Arrrrrrg, a treasure chest full a yummy pie. Rats-Pie, Mmmmmh, me favorite. Hoooo Cap'n Black Zack, back up. Not one step closer. Ya steal me Rats-Pie, ya get nip in yar eye. Gaaaaar.

Happy talk like de Pie-Rats day.


Do you know what an Enema is?

September 28th 2012 8:15 pm
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Hi friends,
I have embarrassing news. Do you all know what an enema is? Um, could the Ladies please all go and get their nails done or something.....

Okay, fellas listen. You don't ever want to get one of those. Mom got me one today and I didn't like it one bit. I had some litter box problems when Mom came home from work. I tried to go and tried to go and tried again but nothing came. Then I barfed out my supper. Then I started meowing really loud. Mom was going to check me out but I yelled at her NOT to touch me. Mom was getting scared because it was 6 pm and our vet closes at 8. And what if it's a urinary tract blockage? I had that years ago and it is very dangerous and expensive. So I was chauffeured to the vet.

The whole trip there I was yelling at Mom that this is NOT necessary. I'll get my business done. Just give me some time. I don't need any help! My goodness was the vet busy. They have four exam rooms and all were occupied. One after the other big dogs came out and finally I was escorted into exam room number three. The doc ask Mom how she's been. Good, she said. Hallo! Cat here not feeling so good! Vet prodded my poor belly and said my bladder is almost empty. I'm not blocked. It must be constipation. Oh thank God. Mom had been praying that it would be constipation. (Mom, could you pray for Tunie Samiches instead please?)

Now I was taken to the back. Hmph, no snacks there. They looked at me with X-ray vision. Yup, said doc. That confirms it. I had a feces ball which I apparently could not push out. Actually, I had been working a long time on that ball. Balls are fun. Just ask your dog. You know what vet lady wanted to do? Oh my gosh, this is really embarrassing. *blush* She was going to try to extract my feces ball manually. Off she went to try that. 10 seconds later she was back to report to Mom that I was not cooperating (you think!). I was in too much pain. What they would do now is sedate me. Not all of me, just the lower parts. That way they could clean me out and I wouldn't even notice. Well, I did notice! First they put something into me. It's called an enema and it's nasty. Mom was told it would take about an hour. So she went shopping (The nerve of that woman to go shopping when I'm suffering!) An hour later she picked me up all squeaky clean. The vet said I need to spend the night in the bathroom because I might leak. Also there might be "blowout" and Mom probably doesn't want my blowout all over her couch.

So here I am in the bathroom. We have a big bathroom. There are two old towels, food, water and a nice litter box. Mom thinks I need more exercise. Nope. I would have taken care of my feces ball. This was all so unnecessary. Poor Mom left a lot of bucks at the vet place. She was gonna buy herself a crown but she said it'll have to wait a bit. That's good because we already have a queen - Sisfur Mietzi.

Stay clean as a whistle everypaw.

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