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Jack Kayden's world

How the other pets are handling this

Sometimes I call Jack Kayden's name and the other cats all come running. They miss him and they know he is gone. I hate to admit it, but after Jack died I didn't want to be around the other pets. Only now am I just starting to spend time with them again. I'm feeling guilty about it. Lucky, one of our other cats has been eating less since Jack Kayden passed away. They were close and Lucky was a mother figure to Jack (even though Lucky is a boy). When we first brought Jack Kayden home, Lucky took him under his wing. Before we took Jack to the emergency vet to be euthanized, I brought Lucky into the room so they could say their goodbyes. I knew Lucky wouldn't understand what was going on, but I knew Lucky would be able to see that Jack wasn't doing so well. I guess I hoped in some small way Lucky would understand and help comfort Jack and send him his love.

Now I look at Lucky and he has become so skinny from eating less. He doesn't take stress well. I know he misses Jack.

The pets have always slept in the bedroom with us but after bringing the baby home I locked all the pets out of our bedroom, except Jack. I was worried about the cats jumping in the crib or the dogs getting too curious about the baby. I made an exception for Jack though. The other poor pets have been locked out of our bedroom for 3 months now. The cats have completely scratched away the carpet from under the door, trying to come in. And the dogs sleep right up against the bedroom door. Now that I have been coming out more, they all try to get on my lap and are starved for attention. I feel like a bad mom. I suddenly realized that this has been just as hard on all of them too. Not only did they loose their brother, but its like they lost me too because I shut them out of my life for the past 3 months. Part of it is because of the baby. I just don't have the same time to spend with them like I did before the baby came. But I definitely need to try harder and be there for them because this has been a hard time for them too.

Terrible Mistakes

Jack is finally home. If he is home now, why am I still so sad?

I have some things I want to get out that I've been keeping inside. Jack's vet is a dear friend of mine. We had previously worked together for several years and I can only say good things about him. When we were first deciding a medication regimen for Jack, he did alot of research and talked to other vets and specialists. He did a bunch of free ultrasounds, xrays, and ECG for us to better understand Jack's condition. Basically, I trust this vet and admire him on a professional and personal level. When he changed practices, Jack followed because he was the only one I trusted. Well, a week before Jack passed away he wasn't doing so good so I took him to the vet to see what else could be done. Jack's tummy was full of fluid; a side effect of his heart condition. He was on a medication that removed the fluid by processing it through the kidneys and eliminating it as urine, but he was on his maximum dose. Also, Jack's kidneys were becoming enlarged because they were basically being overworked. Because Jack was on the maximum dosage, the vet recommended we manually remove the fluid with a needle. Its a simple procedure that would only take a few minutes, so I agreed. They took Jack in the back and when he returned his tummy was slim and his kidneys were even more pronounced. The vet said they took over a liter of fluid out. The vet said his tummy would slowly fill up again, maybe in another 2-3 months, but when it did we could remove it with a needle again. I thought our problem was solved, and Jack would be around for years to come. I talked to the vet about herbal remedies we could try because I heard dandelion tea was a natural way to remove the excess fluid. We also talked about starting a new diet. The vet was going to look into these and get back to me.

Well, for a day or two Jack was fine, but then he quickly went down hill. I realized he was suffering and made the decision to euthanize him.

A few days later, I had my suspicions and did some research on the internet. I found that removing that much fluid from Jack's body is heavily discouraged because it throws off their electrolytes which greatly affects the heart and other organ systems. If you remove a large amount of fluid from the body, you need to replace it in the form of I.V. fluids. This wasn't done. The vet made a mistake by not giving him fluids.

Also, I'm upset that when we took Jack in at 3 am to have him euthanized, the emergency vet on staff didn't do any kind of exam or ask us what was going on, or why we thought we should euthanize him. Frankly, I think he was sleeping and we woke him up so he was just doing whatever it took to get us out of there so he could go back to sleep. I've worked at vet clinics and I know that when someone comes in to euthanize their pet, the vet talks with the owners and does an exam because maybe there are treatments available that the owners weren't aware of. Perhaps, if this vet had talked to us, looked over Jack's chart and examined him, he could of caught the mistake and given Jack IV fluids and the electrolytes he needed and maybe Jack would still be here.

It kills me to think that I could have prevented this. I knew Jack was dehydrated. If only I had taken him back in as soon as I had noticed.

The day before we euthanized him, I knew something was terribly terribly wrong. He was hiding out in our bathroom, where its dark. I'd try to snuggle with him and he wouldn't have it, he would go back and hide out in the dark. I knew something was terribly terribly wrong, and he was trying to tell me, and I still left him home by himself to go to sunday dinner with my family. How messed up is that? I left him home alone. I should have taken him straight to the vet. He could have been saved. Even if only for a few more months.

I am so mad at myself.

Trying to keep Jack close

The world was such a better place with Jack in it. Now I grasp for anything to keep his memory alive. I was so honored that he was a "grand marshal" in this years Catster Halloween Parade. I couldn't have been more proud! It really helped me feel better, that he doesn't have to be forgotten. He can still be very much alive and appreciated here on catster.

For Halloween I carved Jack's portrait into a pumpkin. When I lit the candle in it, my heart just felt lifted; it was him! I put a great big candle in it, and it stayed lit all night to shine his face for everyone to see. Because the carving was so detailed and delicate, the facial features withered away by morning. I'm so glad I took a picture of it lit.

I really wish I had taken more pictures of Jack and I together while he was alive. I kinda wish I would have taken a picture of Jack at his worst so I could also remind myself I did the right thing by helping him cross rainbow bridge.

I called the vet a while back to give them a decision about Jack's body. Because it had been more than a month I half expected them to call me back and say they couldn't find his body. That they hadn't heard from me or he wasn't labeled properly so he got disposed of with the roadkill and no-name pets. Luckily that call didn't come. I've been looking online for a special urn and found one I like. Its called "Cat's Galore". I ordered it and its already here. I was told by the vet that Jack's ashes will take 6-8 weeks. I can't wait until he is finally home.