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Diary of a NOT FAT lover boy

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Oh the shame!

May 30th 2008 9:23 pm
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Well I just can't believe mommy posted that picture of me when I was shaved! You can see how embarrassed I was. Here's the deal, I'm what you might call "stout" or "portly" I have "solid" build. And, I am an Olde Furt. As such, I find it a little hard to twist around to groom my lower back just above my tail. And that little skinny brat, my sister wouldn't consider helping me out and grooming me, even though I often do her the favor of cleaning her butt. (Can't figure out why mommy always yells: "Edgar, get your nose out of your sister's butt!" when I do that). Anyway, even though I am short-haired, if mommy hasn't been paying good attention and brushing me a little every day or so, I get some matted hair back there. Well when that happens, no waaaaaayyy am I letting her brush those knots out!! It pulls my hair and it hurts! So if I can, I bite her and make her stop. Well one year, I think it was about two years ago, I had a pretty bad knot back there, and of course I wasn't going to let mommy come near me with that brush! So she...she..., I can't even hardly talk about even now... she took me to the v-e-t and she had me SHAVED!!! A short-haired kitty! Shaved! Oh the horror! Well when I came home that day I let her know just how I felt about it! I wouldn't come out from under the bed and I even pooped in the bedroom! And I have never ever ever pooped anywhere but my litter box before even when I was a kitten (although I did cry about needing some assistance when I was a kitten but that's another story for another day). Sissy hissed at me for a couple days after I was shaved, mommy said it was because I smelled different. I think it was just cause Sissy has always been a brat. Anyway, my fur grew back in nice and thick and beautiful and mommy learned her lesson and is much better about making sure I get brushed regularly. I will still bite her though if she pulls my hair! Oh, and don't tell mommy this...(mommy, type with your eyes closed) but I actually felt kinda good with my short hair cut after that first day.

Meow at you more later dear diary.

P.S. I don't care what Daddy says, I am NOT FAT! And, has daddy looked in a mirror lately himself??


Needing Litter Box Assistance as a Kitten

May 31st 2008 6:59 pm
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Okay Diary, here's that story I mentioned in my first entry that I would tell you later. When mommy first got me and Sissy we were very small. I never had any problem doing my "business" in the right place, the litter box, that is. It's just that when I pooped it hurt! So I cried when I pooped. I mean, you would cry if it hurt when you pooped wouldn't you? Well that scared mommy so she called the animal rescuer lady that she had adopted us from and told her what was going on.

Well the lady told mommy that my first real mommy, my fur mommy, used to help me go poop by licking my bottom when I had to go, like all good cat mothers do. ....Now, this part is going to make you cry for the poor little kitten me, just warning you...Mommy told the animal rescuer lady "thank you," hung up the phone and looked at me and said: "you're on your own bud!" That was cold.

Purr at you more later dear Diary.


One of my jobs...

June 22nd 2008 1:29 pm
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As Sissy mentioned in her diary, we cats have many responsibilities. One of my jobs is to patrol the perimeter of the backyard every morning and night. Daddy always gets up first in the morning and as soon as he does, even if it is still dark, I insist that he open the back door so that I can patrol the perimeter. It is my job to make sure that there have been no breaches in the security of the backyard fence.

Sometimes, usually in the evenings, I will bring my parents the gift of a grasshopper or a cicada after one of my patrols. I like to put these in Daddy's shoes for safe keeping and because it is fun to bat at them down in the toes of the shoes.

One day I thought I would show mommy and daddy just how smart I was. The night before I had brought in a cicada and put it in daddy shoe. Mommy came home for lunch the next day and I, starving as usual, was asking for a bite of her lunch when daddy said: "Edgar, leave mommy alone. Why don't you go outside and get a locust?" (Daddy calls cicadas "locusts" but mommy says that is not right). So I did. I went outside and found a cicada (it was hard at the noon hour let me tell you!) and I came back in holding it gently in my mouth while it buzzed. For some inexplicable reason mommy snatched me up and holding me at arms length carried me back outside and told me to let it go. Well I complied, but I tell you I wish they would make up their minds! First they tell me to go get one and then they tell me to let it go. Humans are so weird.




I like food

July 4th 2008 7:46 pm
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Dear Diary,

I like food. It is pretty much my favorite thing (next to mommy and daddy that is).

Every night at 7 p.m. daddy gives me my "treat food." In order to make sure that he doesn't forget I start asking him for it at about 5 p.m. Then daddy will say something silly like: "Edgar you need a new watch!" But I know what time it is, I just want to make sure he doesn't forget.

And, I must always have some of whatever mommy is eating. When mommy gets her food, if she sits at the table, I will sit quietly on the floor and stare at her until she gives me a nibble. If she doesn't respond to the stare soon enough I will stand up and put my nose up over the edge of the table at her elbow to remind her I am there. Sometimes mommy says something silly like: "Edgar, cats don't eat pizza!" But she will eventually break down and give me some. AND I WILL eat it. Mommy has tried to tell me here lately, "Edgar, food does not equal love. I love you even if I don't give you some of what I am eating." But I'm pretty sure she is wrong about this one.



Thumbs...glad I don't have 'em!

July 5th 2008 10:24 am
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Dear Diary,

I consider my responsibilities as a cat to include being, as mommy puts it, "a walking piece of artwork," purring for mommy when she is feeling down, assisting Sissy in waking mommy in the mornings, eating, sleeping, being cute, shedding and harfing up the occasional hairball, etc. etc. etc.

But every now and then daddy or mommy will get some strange idea about how I should be doing more to "carry my own weight." Daddy will say: "Edgar, why don't you go out and get the paper?" or "Edgar, why don't you take out the trash?" Or mommy might say, "Edgar why don't you run to the store?" or clean the house, or clean the pool, or some other such silly thing. Then daddy will say: "What are you good for?" And just as I'm starting to feel a little guilty and thinking, well maybe I should pitch in more, mommy will say: "Awww, him would daddy but him don't got no thumbs!" And then she'll kiss and cuddle me. So, I'm not sure what thumbs are...but I'm glad I don't have 'em! Gets me out of a lot of work!



Photobombing (Thanks Calvin!)

July 13th 2008 5:29 pm
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Mommy kept chasing Sissy around with the camera today saying "I need a new good picture of you for your page!" Well I got just a wee bit jealous. I was following mommy while she was chasing Sissy and I was meowing: "Hey! Hey! I'm cute! Look at me!" But mommy just kept chasing Sissy.

Finally, when mommy was trying to get Sissy to pose outside, well I'd had enough! I just rolled over on my back and looked my most adorable! Mommy quickly turned the camera to me and snapped the picture that is my main pic right now!

Some of you might have thought, looking at that picture, that Sissy "photobombed" my picture. But Oh contraire! (okay, I'm a cat, my French is not so good)... that was ME photobombing Sissy's picture AND taking the art of "photobombing" to a new high, if I say so myself! MOL!


P.S. My good furriend Calvin invented the word "photobombing" so many thanks to him!


I Gave Mommy a Scare Last Night!

July 28th 2008 5:18 pm
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Last night, as usual, when mommy was eating something I asked for a bite. Mommy was in my, um I mean her big chair eating something in a bowl. I laid on the arm of the chair and looked at her intently (this is my way of asking for a bite). But she just kept eating and eating until it was almost all gone! At the very end she held the bowl out to me and said: "Edgar, cats don't eat butter pecan ice cream." Well that old "cats don't eat this or cats don't eat that" thing didn't work with me! I lapped up the last little dime sized bite and it was good!

But this is when I scared mommy. After I ate the ice cream my eyes started to water and then I rubbed them with my paws. And then I tore through the house from one end to another like a maniac. Then I jumped on the back of the couch and stood on my hind legs and pawed at the window. Mommy called: "Edgar, Edgar! Are you okay?? What's wrong baby? Come here." So I came back to the chair and laid by her but I purred really hard (and mommy knows we kitties aren't always purring because we are happy) and my eyes kept watering and I rubbed them some more. Then I jumped down on the floor and I kept purring hard and rubbing my eyes and licking my paws and rubbing my eyes and licking my paws. Mommy was about to call the vet but it was very late and I didn't otherwise seem to be in distress. By the time mommy went to bed I seemed to have calmed down and today I am just fine.

Sooo.... mommy wonders, can cats be allergic to nuts? If so, how have I managed to live so long in a house full of them? MOL!



Somebody call the ASPCA!! I'm being abused!!

August 2nd 2008 9:29 am
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Dear Diary,

Oh the humiliation! So the Stuff on My Cat's CCLs in their GPs are having an August photo contest. Okay, I'm fine with that. So the photo theme is a picture of your cat with your GP's (granny panties). Ooookay, whatever.

But...but...wait! Mom! Stop! What are you doing??!! I'm a BOY!!! I HAVE A SISTER YOU KNOW! Put the d*** GP's on her! No! No! Not the camera! You can't be serious?

And there it is, up on my page as my main picture for the whole world to see. She thinks she's funny. I think I'll pee in her shoes.

That's all. I mean what more can I say?
growls and grumbles,


My Bestest Girl, Bessie!

August 12th 2008 9:28 am
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Oh Diary! I am such a happy boy cat! The beautiful Bessie agreed to be my girl!

Bessie is the most beautiful and sweet kitty girl! She has gorgeous olive green eyes and a thick, luxurious coat with beautiful colors! She is an Olde Furt like me although she is a mere ten years old compared to my 12.5 years. She lives in Oklahoma like I do! She loves food like I do! (This was a serious consideration for me in asking Bessie to be my girl because, you see, I don't like anyone to eat MY food. But after mulling it over, I decided that since ours will be a long distance romance it wasn't likely that Bessie would actually eat any of my food. AND she promised me that she wouldn't eat my food!)

In addition to being beautiful, Bessie is brave! You can see pictures of her on her page where she is lying on a table with a raccoon!! (Raccoons have scary teeth and claws!) And one where she is sniffing a great big huge spider! And another where she is chomping at the bit to get through a door at some pesky ol' possum.

So, like I said, I'm just a happy happy boy! I love the beautiful Bessie!



August 24th 2008 6:37 pm
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Dear Diary,

Last night (actually this morning) when mommy was getting ready to go to bed she went through the house looking for us to make sure we were inside. (Sissy and I get to roam freely in our fenced in back yard; we never try to escape it). And she couldn't find us anywhere! Then she went into her room and turned on the light and there we were! On the bed! TOGETHER!!!

Mommy couldn't believe her eyes! See sisfur and I are really siblings from the same litter and all but we haven't snuggled or cuddled or hardly even gotten along since we were little bitty things. We used to sleep together when we were tiny babies but that ended pretty quickly. I think it's 'cause we are just so jealous of each other. The only time we get very close is when we get our ice cubes in the morning but even that often ends with a little tiff.

So mommy was furry surprised when she turned on the light and saw us together on the bed. Granted, we weren't exactly snuggling but Sissy's tail was touching me. Mommy flipped out the light real fast and ran for the camera. She made Daddy come back with her to turn on the light and then she took some pictures real fast! She posted one on each of our pages.

We like to keep mommy on her toes. hee hee!


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