Sarge's week

(Page 13 of 15: Viewing Diary Entry 121 to 130)  
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The cancer is back

May 29th 2012 4:50 pm
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I went in for an ultrasound today. There's no way to gently put this. The tumors are resistant to my drugs and they're squeezing my stomach so I can't eat well. Worse, it's spread to a lymph node. Surgery is not an option. I'm going to be an angel soon, it's a question of when. Dad's going to watch how I act over the next few days, but he's not optimistic. I lost 7 oz in a week that's with the new medicine. Dad has this Friday off for an event so that may be my time. Right now I'm sleeping off the sedatives I got for the ultrasound, but then Dad wants to spend a lot of time with me and see how I act.

Many thanks for everyone who supported us this year. The worst is still yet to come. There's nothing we can do except hope I have a few more good days left. We love you all.

 

My time is coming.

May 30th 2012 5:48 pm
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Thanks for all the kind words everyone. We wish I had more time, but things are going downhill fast. I don't eat much and I spent a lot of time hiding in the bathroom. Tonight I wasn't even at the door when Dad got home. Those weeks and months you all wished us had already happened after my first operation. We're not even sure I have days. I only have a few joys left in life and too many things I can't do anymore. My stomach hurts and I don't feel right.

This morning Dad made THE appointment this morning for Friday. He has it off for a sci-fi convention. The fan community can be great and very supporting which Dad will need once I'm gone. We really don't think I'd make it another week and even if I could, it won't be a good one.

Tonight Dad let me go outside for half an hour. Instead of nibbling on the grass and walking around, I went to my favorite spot to lie down and soak up some sun. Dad took some pictures then laid down next to me for some from a better angle. I crawled up on him, something I haven't done before, for pets. After a while I got down. I tried again a few minutes later but I wasn't sure enough on my feet to stay on for long. Then Dad held me in the rocking chair he dragged outside and cuddled until it was time to go in. Usually when I come in I want to go right back out. Not this time, a sure sign that I had enough.

I want everyone to know their thoughts are appreciated, but we shouldn't delay the inevitable. I'd love to have more months and dare I say years with my family, but the cancer has robbed that from us. I'm not going to get better and Dad has to do what he has to do to keep me from suffering.

 

Thank you

June 1st 2012 1:55 pm
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My passing went quickly. We have an awesome vet that gave me the first injection to get me to relax and sleep. I fell asleep in Dad's arms with him petting me (I still wanted to get in my carrier but I relaxed and let it happen). Then when I was completely under they shaved my forearm alittle and some whiskers (so Dad has something physical to remember me by) and gave me the other shot. I'll tell more later.

Dad's feeling better now. My passing will sink in over the next few days. The important thing is that I'm not in pain any more and that I had a wonderful life filled with people who love and care about me. Thank you everyone.

 

Here at the rainbow bridge

June 4th 2012 8:24 pm
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Well I said I'd post more last Friday and I try to keep my word. Dad talked to me about the good times we had on the way to the vet and kept petting me and staying in contact until I was gone. Dad was going to make up a dialog between me and Death (Hello everyone. Remember, cats make live worth living.) because he loves those Discworld books but decided it may not be appropriate given the seriousness of what happened.

The convention he went to was great except they put the panels on the opposite side of the hotel as everything else. That wouldn't be so bad except the hotel is old and big and is spread out over about half a mile. You know, fans of sci-fi and fantasy come in all ranges of ages, sizes, and physical ability. Dad found the long walk annoying, but better when he went outside since he didn't get lost (the inside was a maze of halls). But some people who had problems walking actually had to DRIVE from one end to the other. But the fan community was very supporting. Everyone who knew him took time to ask how he was doing and expressed their condolences which considering how many last-minute changes were going on (thanks hotel managers) they didn't have time to spare.

Now my family has to get used to living without me. Dad comes home and there's no one to greet him at the door. In the morning no one waits by the shower. No one makes a pest of himself by sitting next to the computer getting in the way of the mouse. No one tries to dart outside when the door is open. Nope, life is less interesting without me. Dad may have to rescue another kitty to get things to normal. When he's ready, I'll send one his way.

Thank you everyone for your gifts. They mean a lot to us.

 

One week

June 9th 2012 9:04 pm
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Well it's been a little over a week since I left my family. Dad's getting by. He's been depressed at not seeing me around and seeing the hole I left in his life. He's thinking about another kitty but doesn't want to do it too soon or expect the new kitty to be a replacement for me (even on a subconscious level). Lena is giving Pepi a hard time but it could be because she misses me too. Anyway, they're getting more attention now which is good.

We're amazed at the outpouring of support and emotion from our catster friends. I got almost as many stars as I had in life (can I get a few more so they even out heh heh heh, JK). We know some people are mad at the catster owners. While we're glad people are writing them with their complaints that's not why we come here. We're here for our friends and not for the admins. We don't read the bad stories, we just go straight to our friends and see what they're up to. Not to say they can't improve but we're not getting too worked up over it.

Oh and for those wondering in the Discworld books Death is a character who makes cameos in most of the books and talks in small caps. You can't talk in small caps here (we tried last time) so the effect would be ruined if we tried to do that dialog.

My ashes come back next week. Dad will have to find a good place for them where the others can't knock me off. Up here at the Bridge I'm getting to know Dad's other kitties he had while growing up and eating my kitty treats to make up for lost time. I have a furry tummy again and get to sleep on the sun-kissed sidewalks whenever I want.

 

I'm home

June 17th 2012 7:23 am
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After donating my leftover food and kitty treats at the Peoples Resource Center (it's where Dad volunteered when he was between jobs) he went to the vet to pick me up and donate the rest of my meds for other families who need them. My ashes were put in a box and the box is in a purple velvet sack with "Until we meet again at the Rainbow Bridge" embroidered on it. The vet also took my paw print in a disc of clay.

Then he went to the place where he adopted me 5.5 years ago to say thanks. He got some hugs and was told how I blossomed under his care and how sorry they were that I left so soon. It was kitten season so several cages were filled with little mewing furballs who were eager for play and pets. Naturally the people there made "suggestions" for Dad's next adoption but they backed off when he said he wasn't ready. (Dad did bring my carrier in the truck just in case he saw The One.) There was one candidate, a nice boy named Newton. Dad's first thought was about the scientist, not the cookie even though Newton's fur was the same color as the cookie. Dad loves watching Science and Discovery channels. Newton didn't mind much about being held but he didn't like being at the show. But if Dad did adopt, he was considering this nice mancat who's blind in one eye and several years old.

Anyway after a few tears and consolations we came home. My paw print got baked and I sit waaaay on top of the book shelf holding Dad's DVDs where I can't fall off. Dad likes to look up there when he's thinking so I'll always be in his thoughts. Dad's going to shift to writing in Lena's diary since we should be more concerned about the living than the departed. But I'll still be here when important events happen to my Dad.

 

Oops! Almost forgot

June 17th 2012 7:30 am
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Dad forgot two things. First the vet did not take my final weight. It's probably a good thing since I probably dipped below 8# and that's not something Dad wants to think about.

Second is that one of our Catster friends mentioned about contacting the people who put angel wings on kitty pictures. We'd love that. I'd like my picture with me in the box to be used. I know some people like the new one with me outside, but you can see my shaved tummy which is a little embarrassing. I was very proud of my fuzzy tummy. But whatever works best. It would really be nice to have a picture of me with wings.

 

I'm an Angel Kitty

June 28th 2012 5:14 pm
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Hooray! The nice lady who makes angel kitty photos made some for ME! She did a really good job since my fur in the front is all white and hard to work with since it kind of glows under the flash with Dad's old camera. Dad put them up on my page followed by my Catster awards then some other pawsome pictures of me. It's too bad we can only have 10 photos up on the main page since I was such a handsome cat.

There is some sad news though. There's this artist named Sarah Clemens who does pawsome pictures of a kitty named Magnus and his kitty-sized dragon buddy named Loki and their adventures together. Dad loves her art and even picked some up at the convention he went to after I left because Magnus sort of looks like me with longer hair (actually Dad thinks he looks like Newman). Unfortunately the kitty who inspired Magnus has cancer and only has a few more months left. We hear he's doing OK so far, but apart from making him comfortable, there's little anyone can do. So if you want to see Sarah's paintings (and maybe buy some) their site is:

http://www.clemensart.com/mlindex.htm (Dad got the ones called Dragon Feeder and Tuna Roast)

 

One Month

June 30th 2012 6:58 am
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It's been a month since I went to the bridge. The tears have been shed. There will be more but not as often, but the ache will still be there. The girls haven't been stepping up to the plate much. They sort of greet Dad when he comes home, but Pepi runs when the door is open. It's not the same. They don't like to be cuddled either which Dad really misses.

And now my rosettes are going to start disappearing. Thank you everyone who sent them. They were a big help when we needed it. Yesterday Dad copied the messages still there to a txt file at work. That's the problem with rosettes, they vanish after a month but the feelings they convey don't. That's why Dad only gives out stars. You can read their messages at any time and stroll down memory lane.

The last of my pictures are up thanks to the pawsome Angel Lady and with the rosettes expiring I guess it means it's time to move forward. Dad's already promoted Lena to family spokescat. I'll continue watching over my family from the bridge. We still wonder what happened with my original family and why they had to give me up. Dad likes to think they were elderly and had to move to a place that didn't accept kitties. By now they might have passed away. That's a question Dad has about the Bridge. When a pet was owned by two different people, what happens? Both my families loved me dearly but who gets custody? Is it who had me last or longest or who gets to the bridge first? Dad hopes I get to be with him since I was so special, but who knows how the system works.

Bye for now!

 

Two months now

August 1st 2012 4:58 pm
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I passed 2 months ago today. Dad still thinks of me often. The girls continue to slowly make progress towards accepting each other as I watch from my resting place. Dad's given it a lot of thought and he's going to delay adopting a third cat for a while. This means one of the two kitties he was going to bring home will have to wait for the next family and Dad doesn't like that. But he only really has time for two cats. I took up a lot of time and now the others are asking for their share, especially Lena.

As Lena mentioned in her diary, Dad has started a project to make a kitty fort for them. No one has used my old bed since I left, but he through it in the den he's making on one shelf. Maybe it should be washed first. Anyway it's something just for them they can call their own. That should help them move on.

Sarge's Dad here.
I still miss you, Buddy. I miss how you greeted me at home and always stuck by me. I wasn't perfect but I gave you the best home I could. I want to believe you were happy with me and if you had to do it over again you'd still want me to adopt you. Wherever you are, please remember me.

 
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Sarge (In Loving Memory)


 

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