Samoa Says

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Tacky Acne

April 6th 2006 12:32 pm
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Some of the most delicate, beautiful cats have it. I'm talking acne - chin acne. I know it's hard to believe a prissy cat like myself would have such a disgusting problem, but all teenagers go through it!

Do I like the treatment - jeebers, no! I'm very smart and the minute I see my Mawmee with her hands behind her back, I take off running.

Today I was sleeping on my window perch and didn't hear her come in the room. Before I knew it, the chinny chin chin was getting cleaned - UGH, ICK, SPLEEK, PITOUIE ~ WRIGGLE, WAGGLE, TWIST & TURN.

Ahhhhh. . . . . she's finished. OH NO - not the eye boogers too??? Geesh - what does a cat have to do to be left alone?

I am proud that I'm the only acne cat in the house ~ after all, it is an attention-getter! And I do deserve all the attention. . . . .

 

The Forbidden Zone!

April 7th 2006 7:47 pm
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We're not usually allowed in the lower level of the house because there is a leather sofa down there. Cat claws and leather sofas apparently don't go together according to our Mawmee. Of course, that makes me want to go down there even more!

Well, twice this week, we've been taken against our will down to that lower level. Something about tornados coming and we need to be safe. I don't like thunder and lightening, but I dislike being forced to go somewhere I don't want to go.

I only want to go down there when I am told I can't go down there ~ how hard is that for a human to understand??

Of course, Calvin just starts eating and then falls asleep on the "forbidden sofa". He thinks he is special because he doesn't have claws.

I'm glad when the all clear sounds, so I can get back upstairs where I belong.

Then I can try to sneak down to the forbidden level with the forbidden sofa when no one is looking, or when our Daddy forgets to close the door.

It's all makes sense in my mind. . . . .

 

Brother's Big Day

April 8th 2006 7:02 am
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Yes, we've heard all about Calvin winning Catster's Diary of the Day. Who hasn't heard about it?

He is such a pest ~ he is making Mawmee take everything off the mantle so he can put his award there for everyone to see. I tried to tell him that there is no trophy, but he just won't listen to me. He says "What do you know, you've never won an award from Catster"!

I'll show him ~ I'll win Cat of the Day, or better yet, Cat of the Week!

He may be Mawmee's Pulitzer Prize, but I'm her Academy Award, whatever that means. . . . .

 

Feeling Orange Today!

April 10th 2006 10:30 am
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To celebrate the 140th birthday of the ASPCA, and since I am the smartest cat in our house, I thought I should tell some orange jokes in my diary!

Feel free to purr lightly, or just meow like crazy when you read these!

Q. How do you tell the difference between a dog and an orange?
A. Put your arms around it and squeeze. If you don't get orange juice,
it's a dog!

Here's another one:

Q. Why did the orange stop in the middle of the road?
A. It ran out of juice!

One more, cause they are soooo funny:

Q. What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A. A carrot!

And my favorite of all:

Knock ~ Knock
Who’s There?
Orange
Orange Who?
Orange you glad you’re on Catster?


Well, if that didn't prove I'm a genius, I don't know what will. . . . .

 

View From the Top

April 11th 2006 8:06 am
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Being the only cat with brains in this house, I have the burden of being the guard cat.

The guard cat is an important role because you have to keep track of everyone, and you need to alert Mawmee when others are doing bad things.

And believe me ~ Calvin and Violet are always doing bad things! I'm the perfect cat. It's because I am female. Calvin is just a wussy boy, and Violet is a boy with a girl's name - geessh! What a couple of freaks - and then there is the dog, who thinks she is a cat.

Back to me - I like to guard from the top of the stairs. No one gets by me without the magic word. And I like to change the magic word everyday - he!he!

Oh, sure, they try to sneak by and go between the railings to get around me. But I'm quick - I have perfected the "Run and Swat" motion. I also have a weapon I call the "Triple Swat". You get the triple swat if I am really annoyed! I try not to draw blood, but occasionally blood is necessary to get the point across.

Wait. . . . .someone's coming. . . . .a guard has no down time. . . . . gotta run. . . .

 

Eye Goobies

April 12th 2006 7:07 am
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I get eye goobies. They aren't the gooey kind, they are just crusty little balls in the corners.

You can see an eye goobie up close and personal in one of my pictures. I let Mawmee take the picture so we could educate people who don't know about eye goobies. I would never go out in public with an eye goobie!

What are eye goobies, anyway, and where do they come from?

Who would know the answer to my eye goobie questions? Maybe Alex Trebek ~ he seems to think he knows everything!

Calvin looks like he has eye goobies because he has a lot of freckles near his eyes and on his lips.

A girl would never have freckles on the lips ~ ugh!

I'm going to spend the day thinking about eye goobies. . . . .

 

Catster, You've Created a Monster!

April 13th 2006 6:26 am
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Well, that's it ~ my life will never be the same!

Just when things were settling down after Calvin's big "Diary of the Day" earlier this week (or "DOD experience" as he likes to call it ~ how lame is that?), Catster did it again!

What were you thinking, Catster? Picking that little creep's diary again? Who is working for Catster, anyway? A bunch of 6 year olds? How could anyone think that the blubbering stuff he writes about is worthy of any honor ~ especially twice in one week!

The "I think I'll change my name" phooey he wrote about in his diary - give us a break, Calvin! Everyone else can call you Calvin, but I'll still secretly call you Mr. Kneady, Big Baby, and Mamma's Boy!

Now, back to me.

I can't imagine why Catster didn't think my diary entry about the goobies was worthy of an honor. Look ~ I even had pictures to back it up. How impressive is that! Not only do I educate, I show myself in a "before" picture. How many cats would be willing to put their beauty reputation on the line like that?

I'd better go contemplate my next diary entry. . . . .

 

Ahhhh Spring!

April 14th 2006 7:36 pm
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I went outside today. Yea, I know, I'm an indoor cat! I used to be an outside cat, and there is nothing better than the smell of spring.

My Mawmee and Daddy were smart when they built our deck. It is up on the second floor, and there are no stairs, so if we are supervised, we can go out there and look around.

I told Mawmee that I wanted to go see the birdies flying around. It was soooooo much fun! When I'm feeling really brave, I'll stick my head through the railing to get a better look at those squirrels! That makes Mawmee nervous cause she thinks I might try to squeeze through. I'm not that stupid ~ it is a loooooong way to the ground!

Calvin, the big baby, came out for about 3 seconds and then got scared and had to go back inside. He doesn't know what he is missing!

Oh yea, we also had a big meeting to plan the dog's birthday party which is tomorrow. I might go, I haven't decided yet. I'm not too crazy about the dog. Autumn kisses Violet all the time ~ I don't want that dog slobber all over my face.

I'd better give myself a bath just in case I go to the party. . . . .

 

It's Her Party, and She'll Cry If She Wants To. . .

April 15th 2006 6:06 pm
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I think the whole world knows that today is Autumn's 12th birthday.

I could really care less, but Mawmee said we needed to entertain Autumn because she was going to be outside working in the yard.

We spent the most boring hour listening to Calvin read that obnoxious Catster Diary of his. He called it a dramatic reading. It would have been dramatic had I swatted him in the middle of it ~ he!he!he!

I looked over and saw Violet yawning and nodding off to sleep. I gave her a mean look, like only I can do, because if I had to stay awake and listen to him go on and on, then she did too!

Autumn got a squeaky duck present, and that is when I went upstairs. She has the whole living room cluttered with her slobbery toys. I'm only into toys if no one is looking. I don't want to look too childish in front of my sisters and brother. After all, I am the sophisticated cat!

And then the treats came out. I like to be called to come get my treats. A cat should never appear too anxious.

Making people wait for you is a good thing. . .

 

No Comment!

April 16th 2006 6:18 pm
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I will not comment on the events of today regarding my sister Violet.

It is an outrage ~ totally unfair! My diary must be getting lost in the shuffle. Doesn't brains and beauty count for something around here on Catster?

And to top it off? I went in my bedroom to have a little pity party, and who do you think is sleeping on MY window shelf? CALVIN ~ the little twerp!

I guess I'm going to become friends with the dog because it is impossible to get along with Calvin and Violet now that they both have been awarded Diary of the Day! They keep whispering to each other and then look at me and start laughing.

What is so funny anyway? I could be Diary of the Day any 'ole day. It's not a big deal. I don't even want to be Diary of the Day!

Like I said, no comment. . . . . .

 
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