My new home

It's been a week since I came to live with Lisy Babe.

I like it here. It's nice and warm, the sofa is comfy, Lisy loves giving me cuddles, and she's already trained to do my bidding.

Until I moved in, she always used to sit in the same spot on the sofa. That spot is mine now, ha! If Lisy sits there by mistake, she'll soon know about it. I have ways of making her move.

While Lisy is sweet and cuddly, she does sometimes shout at me. I don't know why... I'm only scratching. OK, so I'll be scratching at Lisy's bookcase, or her carpet. When she says my name in her "I'm not impressed" voice, she always says "that's what your scratch post is for." But, I don't like my scratch post. The bookcase and the carpet are much better.

I think Lisy wants to go to bed soon, she looks tired. I'll do what I've been doing every night. I'll wait until she's asleep, and, then, I'll sneak into bed next to her. That way I get a nice, comfy human bed too. The only thing is, I need to learn how to not fart in my sleep. The smell keeps waking Lisy up.

Night night.

Life, oh, life...

It's been a couple of months since I moved to London now, and it's all been quite adventurous.

A couple of weeks after I moved here I got tricked into getting into my box so Lisy could take me to the vet. Not a friendly act. They shoved a thermometer up my bum. I don't wanna go back there any time soon... the indignity of it all.

For Christmas we went to Lisy's parents house for a few days. It was lots of fun. I got fed real turkey. These vegetarian owners who don't know how to cook real meat so only ever give me stuff out of a can. Pah. Lisy's parents house is *huge*. It was so much fun to run around in all that much space. When I decided to be calm and chilled out, I found the hugeness to be a bit overwhelming, so I tended to hang out in Lisy's bedroom. But, the space I had to run around in when I was in a silly mode was so worth it.

It snowed while we were there. All these people outside on sledges looked fun, so I decided to get in on the action... I decided to try skidding across the lounge on the TV guide. It was all fun until I crashed into the pile of wrapping paper and empty boxes left over from the present unwrapping.

I got some presents. But the wrapping paper filled with catnip that they came in was much more fun.

When we came back to London, things got back to normal pretty quickly. When we came back though, Lisy moved my litter tray into the bathroom. I don't know why - I quite liked going for a poo in the corner in the lounge. Especially when I timed it to coincide with Lisy eating. The look on her face would be priceless. So, yes, this litter move into the bathroom thing did not impress me. I miaowed in protest, lots. It didn't make any difference. Lisy wouldn't move it back. Oh well. I've gotten used to it now though.

The biggest bit of excitement since Christmas was last week when I found a mouse in the house! And I killed it! Lisy came home from shopping, dumped her shopping down in the hall and went into the lounge to take her coat off. When she turned around, I'd parked myself on the doormat, next to the shopping so she couldn't miss me playing with my new toy that I'd killed all by myself. Lisy started screaming, and I don't think it was excitement for me. She ran and phoned her mother. The utter wimp. You should've heard the screams I managed to get out of her when I started throwing it up in the air to play catch with it... though, if you were in NW1 at the time, you probably did hear.

In the end, after she shooed me away from the mouse with her mop, Lisy threw my new toy out of the back door using the Christmas card her parents bought her (she insists only because it was the most usefully shaped item around). It did take her a while to pluck up the courage to get close enough to the mouse to get it with the card. Useless human wimp, it's not like it could hurt her, I'd already taken care of it!

Sleep deprivation.

Lisy's mean.

I was perfectly happy, sound asleep, curled up in a cute little ball on her beanbag.

All of a sudden I find myself in Lisy's arms, being carried into the lounge! How rude! I'd never do that to her. OK, I couldn't do that to her, my entire body weight is about the same as the weight of Lisy's head (I know I'm only skinny, but Lisy's not very bright. Her head is quite light), but, that's not the point...

Something about "Er, well, you sleep about 18 of every 24 hours. You've been asleep *all* day. If I don't wake you up now, you're going to keep me awake all night."

So?

I'm awake now, but I still fully intend to spend the entire night walking all over her and dribbling on her. In fact, as punishment for waking me up just now I may dribble just that little bit more.

Update

I did indeed get my revenge on Lisy for waking me up.

3am I decided to stamp on her face to get her to give me some attention.

She couldn't get back to sleep for the rest of the night and had to go to work on Tuesday looking like a panda with the big dark circles around her eyes. She looked very funny.

Oh yes, I am evil. But I have a very cute face which makes me utterly forgiveable.

Wow. It's been ages since I wrote anything here. The trouble is, my paws are too big for the computer keys, so if I try and type myself it ends up coming out as "fdong rhojoure nbj pnreap nj," so I rely on Lisy transcribing for me. And she's lazy. I keep trying to convince her to buy me a large-button keyboard so I can keep up this blogging without her help. She claims she's too poor - but you should see the amount she spends on stinky bubble baths and such.

Anyway, since I last wrote, I've been on holiday. I spent nearly three weeks in Clacton on Sea. Which is as dull as Lisy claims it is. Not that I really saw much of the town (other than out of the car window). I spent my holiday at her parents house. Which is biiiiiiiig.

The reason I got a holiday to Clacton was because Lisy took a holiday to California. I wanted to go too. Meanie not taking me. I get stuck in Clacton while she goes off and enjoys the sun. Not fair! She came home covered in freckles while all I got covered with was dust from under Nan and Grandad's bed.

I got to meet lots of new people. I met Lisy's Auntie Jill and her cousin Karen. I didn't like her cousin Kevin though. Her parents explained something about how Kevin was redecorating the hall. All I cared about was the fact that he came in every day and made lots of loud noises and strange smells (apparently that smell is called "paint").

But, Lisy's mum did get revenge on Lisy for not taking me with her. Nan Emailed Lisy and told her that I'd worked out how to open their bedroom door. What she didn't say was that the door doesn't have a catch on it, so all I had to do was push. Apparently the lack of this final bit of information sent Lisy into a panic for about 24 hours that I'd learned how to work door-handles.

I had fun, I got very spoiled (I love going and visiting those carnivores. I get fed real meat too. These stupid vegetarian owners who won't cook me anything and just give me cat food out of a can), and had loads of room to run around and play in.

It was nice to come "home" though. I missed my flat. It may be small, but it's my home and I love it. I also kinda missed Lisy, but I missed my flat more.

She brought me a present back from America - one of those laser pointer toys. Which is fun. It's most fun to play with in the bathroom, because that room doesn't have a window, so if the light's off, I can see that little red dot really clearly. When she first introduced me to it, I got so excited chasing it that I trod in my water bowl and got all wet. Which was *not* nice.

Remember how I told you that Lisy is scared of mice? Well, turns out she doesn't like spiders either. Last night I was playing with one in the lounge, and she just kept shrieking at me to "kill the damn thing before it comes over this side of the room!" So, I kept poking it to wind it up, hoping it'd run over there. In the end though I poked it a bit too hard and squashed it, so stuffed the dead spider body down the gap between two floorboards. She seemed satisfied with that and stopped squeaking.

Night kids.

That evil bitch forced me into taking a worming tablet this evening.

She nearly didn't succeed. The first two attempts I managed to spit it back up. The third time she got me though.

Revenge will be mine. Oh, yes. It will be mine.

The human has sinus problems. At least that's her excuse for the god awful smell in her bedroom. She calls the smell "Olbas Oil."

So, for the last few nights I've had to sleep in the lounge, because I couldn't bear it.

I tend to go for a dump at about 4am. I've been making sure that on my way into the bathroom, I stop in her doorway and shout at her for a while, just so she knows how unhappy I am about the odour.

Once I've been for my poo she usually remarks on how bad I've made the flat smell. Her sinuses can't be that screwed then.

The other day I did something that was apparently "oh, so cute!"

There were 2 cans of food in a carrier bag in the lounge. To make sure she knew I was hungry, I dragged the bag from the far end of the room, and put it next to my food bowl.

Lisy heard the dragging noise and came into the lounge to see what I was up to.

When she saw what I'd done, rather than cracking open a can and putting some dinner down for me, she burst out laughing. She laughed so hard that I thought a bit of wee might come out.

Turns out the cans contained Baked Beans and not cat food.

They should put human food in different shaped cans, dammit!

Lisy painted a picture of me: http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?j0t5cdwg4gw

I don't look that lopsided, do I?

Here's perhaps a better picture... http://static.flickr.com/69/166546989_25f9838773.jpg?v=0

The life of Royalty

Oh, I am so The Queen.

I have an "Official Birthday" too.

No-one knows when I was born. It's not like I remember. I didn't open my eyes till I was a few days old, so it's not like I looked at the calendar on the day I was born and made a mental note of the date. So, Lisy decided that my Official Birthday was on June 26th. She figured it's in the middle of the year, so, as good a guess as any, and it's the 7 month anniversary of when I moved in here.

So, on Monday I had salmon for breakfast as a birthday treat. Lisy nearly made herself sick picking the vertebrae out of it (stupid vegetarians). So, I decided I'd have a few mouthfuls and then leave the rest. I think that's suitable revenge for when she nearly made me sick stuffing a worming tablet down my throat.

About a week and a half ago, I finally managed to get my collar off, and hide it somewhere the human can't find it. I hated that damn thing. Can you believe that for my birthday, a day which is supposed to be all nice and fun - she bought me another one! How rude!

I did also get a bee, which is much more fun though.

You can see some photos of me wearing my new collar, playing with my bee here.

Sunday sucked.

Lisy is going into hospital tomorrow to have that nasty tooth that hurts her sawn in half and taken out. While I'm kinda happy about that because I don't like to see her hurting (OK, I don't like to see her in pain because she's not got the energy to play with me as much. It's all about me...) it means that I've had to come back to Nan and Grandad's house in Clacton while she's in hospital.

The mean noisy people in Lisy's area vandalised her car. Then broke into it. Then vandalised it some more. So, it's at the car hospital being fixed. She's at the moment got what's called a "courtesy car." I don't like courtesy cars, they don't have air conditioning, which is apparently the stuff that makes cars cooler. I think it's like the conditioner she puts on her hair, but I'm not too sure.

So, to get me here, Lisy had to put me in my box (which I don't like and fought and fought against. But she had me trapped in the hall and I couldn't escape from her forcing me in there). Then she put me in the hot, hot car.

The heat made me feel really ill. I couldn't stop panting and drooling (how undignified - the heat had me acting like a dog), and then I accidentally pooed myself. Lisy thought I was going to faint, so she kept knocking on my box to check I was OK, which was just annoying.

The car stopped, Lisy carried me out and took me into this weird small room. It was really dirty and smelly. Apparently we were at something humans call a "service area" and the room was called a "disabled toilet." The toilet seemed to be working OK to me when Lisy flushed it, but, I think the word "disabled" means it's for use by disabled people (like Lisy) and not that the toilet doesn't work properly.

She let me out of my box and I got to roam around the room and mark it with my scent for about 20 minutes. It was so refreshing to be in the shade and to be able to stretch my legs while Lisy cleaned the poo out of my box and attempted to clean me up a bit.

It was much nicer in this dirty smelly room than it was being in my box in the car. But, again, Lisy had me trapped in a small room, and I couldn't escape when she tried to put me back in the box. She's far too clever and knows far too well how to corner me now. I must come up with some better plans for avoiding that box.

We got back in the car, and feeling refreshed I had the energy for the final leg of the journey to protest loudly about being boxed up.

The worst was still to come.

She let me out of my box when we got to her parents house and dumped me straight in a sink full of cool water. Apparently something about me being covered in poo offended her. It was me that was covered, and, if I want to clean it off in my own time - I should be allowed to! Who cares if I leave the odd brown stain on the furniture?

Anyway, once I'd been bathed I was allowed to go my own way, explore the house and even got my favourite for dinner as an apology for everything the human had done to me. She's not that bad, really.