My work here never ends...

Business as usual - this morning I was forced to step on mom's bladder area MORE THAN ONCE to get her up out of bed to give me my breakfast and early brushing. My commute from the bed to the recliner by the window was fraught with slobbery peril - I received an unsolicited head wash from Isobel AFTER she ransacked my litter box. It took a good while for me to clean the gritty out of my ears. Thankfully I was able to put aside these distractions and devote all of my concentration to editing Isobel's diary. I must admit, the decidedly scatological bent of her work has me a bit concerned; everything is gassy this or farty that - I won't even mention how many times the word "poop" appears.

i shall rule the world

in order to gain control over my dad's brain, i must understand what controls him. to understand what controls him, i must understand Playstation 2 Pro Evolution Soccer. To this end i have been observing him on the sly from a covert position on his lap. Once i have mastered the game i will continue my quest by absorbing the subtleties of "Pimp My Ride" and then the world will be mine for the taking.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

today dad finally cracked open the cat door and let me hang out on the back porch for a while - aaahhh it was so good to smell the springy air and roll in fresh piles of dust. i was having a fine time till i noticed who was back - mom puts out birdseed every morning so our yard is a popular stop for the YUFIES (Young Urban Fowl) i think they get sassier every year - the word is out that i don't leave the porch so they strut around free as you please, annoying me with their inane chatter about "Survivor" and "The Bachelorette".

"READ A BOOK ONCE IN WHILE WHY DONTCHA" i'd had enough and decided to chew on the ficus tree. then dad made me come in. Spring makes me crabby.

Research

I've been watching a lot of television lately - my fascination with the tv began after auntie jenn bought me the "Mewvie" cd for Christmas - how entertaining this is - i thought. now i've been caught on more than one occasion sitting very close (too close, mom thinks) to the tv, totally absorbed. My favorite shows are The MacNeil-Lehrer News Hour and SpongeBob Squarepants. Unfortunately, as the pair of opposable thumbs i ordered from Acme Cat Supply have yet to arrive, i am unable to wrest control of the remote from dad so i also must watch a lot of soccer. pppphhhfffffllltttt! oh well, at least i'll have something to discuss with the birds that fly up from Central and South America.

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio....

one word...PLASTICS! mom was changing the giant blue plastic bag that is protecting the new grout in the bathtub and left the old bag on the floor. HA HA MINE! before she could take it away, i quickly jumped right in the middle (in the process making a racket of delightful crinkly noises-an added bonus) and started licking. Heaven. i'm afraid they think i've got a bit of an addiction but i can quit any time i want...i can. just don't take away my plastic bag and no one gets hurt.

Things i'd like to put my nose on today...

1. the food on mom's fork just before she puts it in her mouth
2. whatever liquid is in mom's glass (note to self: use paw to tip the glass over if liquid is too far down inside)
3. the toothpaste on dad's toothbrush
4. the last brownie left sitting on the counter that mom has been dreaming about at work all day (note to self: remove plastic wrap to save for later)

Kitty haiku

faucet drips cool drink
less perilous than toilet
dog can't reach me here

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf...

My name is Yoshimi and i am an Icy-Hot-aholic...
funny thing-it turns out plastic really is a gateway drug just like the public service announcements say - i was getting bored with licking plastic bags so i moved on to something more powerful - Icy-Hot. dad put some on his sore knee the other night and man did it smell good - i spent the better part of an hour with my nose stuck to his patella, eyes closed, just inhaling the fumes. then, i don't remember this of course, i jumped on the floor and rolled around on my back for a while, then just laid there, upside down staring at the ceiling mumbling something about being the Lizard Queen. then i jumped back in dad's lap for some more. dad says i'm a grumpy junkie too because when he tried to get up from his chair i bit him. i guess that was the last straw because all the IcyHot has been locked up and i have to call all of my friends and apologize for things i don't even remember doing. so, i'm sorry.

Son of Kitty Haiku

my bowl is empty
again i think it was dog
i want my own house

Revenge of the Kitty Haiku

Dad has purchased treats
These are not palatable
Doggy likes them fine.