We Interview a Headbanger’s Cat


Last week, the crew of the heavy metal band Slayer rescued a kitty off the streets of Indianapolis, which is the most adorable thing we’ve heard all week. Turns out the the assistant tour manager, Jess Cortese, saw the freezing kitten outside with a homeless man, who offered to sell the cat for $1, according to Loudwire. Jess handed over the money, took the cat back to the tour bus, slept with the cat, then brought her to the concert venue the next day. Word got around, and soon someone in the area adopted the kitten and took her to the vet to be checked out. Here’s that person’s Facebook post:

"Here she is! I named her Gypsy! I gave her a bath last night then she slept for five hours on the heating pad. She’s at the vet this morning being treated for fleas and worms. Thank you Slayer for your act of kindness and thank you."

The situation got us thinking: We should interview a headbanger’s cat! (Not Gypsy, of course; our cat is fake.)

An interview with a headbanger’s cat

Catster: What do you like best about being a headbanger’s cat?

Cat: The laundry. It just sits there, you know? For months. Big piles of old sweaty shirts in the living room, the hallway, the kitchen.


You got a problem with headbanger sweat?

Uh …

Answer carefully, pal.

I have no problem with headbanger sweat.

Prove it. See those sweatpants on the radiator? Why don’t you —

Let’s move on. What else do you like about living here?

I like how the headbangers encourage me to sharpen my claws however I please. You’ve noticed the couch?

It’s a nightmare.

They tell all their headbanging friends about it. I’m kind of famous.

Do the headbangers let you outside?

No way! A suburban tract home development on the decline is no place for a cat.

Do you like Slayer’s music?

I like the early stuff — “Fight Till Death,” “the Antichrist.” What Slayer songs to you like?

“Sweet Child ‘o Mine.”

That’s Guns and Roses.

“You Should Be Dancing.”

That’s the Bee Gees. You don’t know anything about Slayer, do you?

I was more into late Phil Collins. What do you do during band practice?

Usually I curl up into a sleeveless T and nap, frankly. There’s one that our drummer wore on a tour in 2012 and it never made it off the bathroom floor. It’s like an almanac.


Don’t start, Huey.

Do they give you nice food?

Only the best 7-Eleven has to offer.


Headbangers only shop at 7-Eleven.

Ah, right. I remember.

7-Eleven has come a long way, though. They have cronuts.

What do you do for fun?

Watch Slayer videos.



That’s a nice setup. But why do you look so glum?

How can you not be in Bush’s America?

It’s 2014.

Not in this house.

Last question: What advice can you give other headbanging cats?

Just bang your head, fellas. Everything flows from that.

Photos via Old National Centre Facebook

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