Apple Inc. Kills the Cat, and With It, Our Dreams


Since 2001, Apple Inc. has named its Macintosh computer operating systems after big cats: Cheetah, Puma, Jaguar, Panther, Tiger, Leopard, Snow Leopard, Lion, and Mountain Lion.

We assumed the company would then move onto the smaller cats. After all, its products are getting sleeker and more refined, so we thought it would be only a matter of time before we saw the OS X Mau, the OS X Rex, the OS X Scottish Fold.

Most natural thing in the world, right? We thought so, too.

But then — BUT THEN! — at the company’s annual Worldwide Developer Conference in San Francisco this week, some senior vice president of software engineering gets up on stage and cracks a freaking joke.

“I’m proud to present Sea Lion,” said Craig Federighi. “We don’t want to be the first software release in history to be delayed by a lack of cats.”


We sat numb in our chairs as Craig did not present the OS X Russian Blue, the OS X Turkish Angora, the OS X Abyssinian, or the OS X Ocicat.

He did not present the OS X Maine Coon, the OS X Exotic Shorthair, or even the OS X Manx.

Would it have killed him to present the OS X Ragdoll? The Internet would have exploded! Twitter would have been wiped from the face of the Earth as 32 billion people tried to simultaneously tweet OMG OS X Ragdoll!!! #socute #iloveapple #andtheworldwillliveasone #whereisappleTV

No, senior vice president of software engineering Craig Federighi did not follow up his lame OS X Sea Lion joke with the announcement that the world would have the OS X Siamese, like he should have.


Instead, he said Apple is calling the new thing OS X Mavericks …. I’m sorry, I just yawned for 45 minutes. I think I fell asleep. Is it still June? That reminds me, are Microsoft Windows and PCs still a thing? Where would you buy something like that?

We waited and waited for the “Oh, and more more thing …” It never came. He named the damn thing Mavericks. It’s all over.

#notcooltimcook #notcoolatall #steveiswatching

Editor’s Note: Hat tip to ReadWrite EIC Owen Thomas for informing us of this devastating event.

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