Editor’s note: This story originally appeared in the November/December 2015 issue of Catster print magazine. Click here to subscribe to Catster magazine.
The holiday season is upon us, and many of us cook all day and host family and friends on the food-centric celebration of Thanksgiving. Our holiday tables are usually piled with all kinds of goodies our cats would love to get their paws on — food and non-food items.
Take this quiz to see what items your cat is most likely to swipe from the Thanksgiving table.
A. A crumpled-up piece of paper
B. A dried rose petal from your birthday bouquet
C. A yogurt lid with some “yummy” still on it
D. Anything and everything food-related
A. Curls up on top of your pile of magazine and newspaper recyclables
B. Licks water from the plant leaves you’ve spritzed
C. Continually checks his food dish to see whether it needs “cleaning”
D. Jumps in the sink and licks the plates that haven’t made it into the dishwasher
B. Flower arranging
C. Sous chef, specializing in sauces
D. Restaurant critic
A. Lies directly on top of the paperwork
B. Vomits the cat grass he’s just devoured (on the carpet, of course)
C. Pulls your chicken sandwich wrapper onto the floor and begins licking the sauce
D. Pulls your chicken sandwich onto the floor and begins eating the chicken, bread, and sauce
A. Reruns of The Office
B. Anything starring Martha Stewart
C. Cat food commercials
A. The wrapping paper
B. The Christmas tree
C. Special cans of cat food
D. Plenty of opportunities for dropped scraps on the floor
A. Curls up beside you, then swats your used tissues
B. Curls up beside you, then chews your get-well-soon fern
C. Curls up beside you, then licks the cold, leftover broth in your soup bowl
D. Curls up beside you and, when you’re sleeping, counter cruises for anything delicious sitting on the kitchen counter
Okay. Look over your answers, consider the letter choices you made, and read the applicable interpretation below.
Your cat is a paper fanatic and would probably make away with the napkins on the table. This is especially true if the napkins have any kind of food remains on them.
Your cat can’t resist plants and flowers and would go after the centerpiece. And then you’ll get to clean up the inevitable aftermath that will happen on your newly cleaned carpet. (Of course, it’s important to make sure any plants or flowers in your home are non-toxic to cats. The ASPCA’s site provides a list of ones that are both toxic and non-toxic.)
Your cat is a gravy fiend. He loves gravy-laden cat food, and he will gladly go tongue-swimming in any kind of gravy bowl on your Thanksgiving table.
Your cat is an all-around food thief. He doesn’t care whether it’s a dinner roll, butter, or a scalloped potato — he’ll take whatever’s easiest to snag, then come back for more.
Read more by Angie Bailey:
About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (originated right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.