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What If Colonel Meow and Lil Bub Went to War?

In this photo essay, Lil Bub enchants from beyond, while Colonel Meow plans world domination.

Liz Acosta  |  Mar 22nd 2013

If there was ever a science fiction movie about cats and good against evil, it would have to be about Colonel Meow and Lil Bub. They inhabit opposite ends of the Spectrum of Virtue (though they are equally adorable), and there is probably no truer image in the universe than the one below (with Grumpy Cat as an accessory).

But if there’s one thing we’ve learned from Star Wars, it’s that there can be no light without darkness, and no darkness without light. Colonel Meow and Lil Bub must exist or else the galaxy will implode. True story.

And you know what’s also a true story? This trailer for the Lil Bub movie, Lil Bub & Friendz.

Documenting the perma-kitten’s descent from space, the trailer melted our hearts in less than three minutes. Bub’s human friend, Mike, talks about how before the wide-eyed space cat arrived, his life was full of sads, but then Bub appeared and everything changed. Awww, cat dudes.

On the other side of the coin is Colonel Meow. You can bet that all the attention that Bub gets infuriates the noble furball. As a result, Colonel Meow has retaliated with these 10 dastardly acts.

1. Colonel Meow blamed it on the dog

Poor Boots! Unable to stand the smell and believing it was the dog, his human friends placed him outside to air out, while Colonel Meow laughed and laughed and laughed.

2. Colonel Meow then enjoyed a little schadenfreude

Because he is pure evil.

3. Colonel Meow shifted your Rubik’s Cube so now no one will believe you actually solved it

He would never let you enjoy the victory.

4. Colonel Meow stuck his tongue out at your life philosophy

Hear that? That’s the sound of your ego deflating like a balloon.

5. Colonel Meow knocked your top shelf tequila from the top shelf and then drank it all

And then barfed on your rug.

6. Colonel Meow videotaped you in your most intimate moments

He tried selling the tape to TMZ, but it was rejected.

7. Colonel Meow sat in your favorite box

“Take that, Maru!” he was heard shrieking.

8. Colonel Meow sent you mixed signals

This is beginning to look like an unhealthy relationship.

9. Colonel Meow self replicated on your stairs

But then he killed and ate all the clones before you could call your local scientist with the discovery of the century, which would have made you a millionaire.

10. Colonel Meow did all these things while looking totally adorable

So you forgave him for everything, knowing full well he’ll do it again.

Did you know we’ve actually interviewed Colonel Meow and we lived to tell the tale? We also checked in with Lil Bub’s dude-friend. If you’re in Minnesota in August, make sure to check out the Internet Cat Video Festival.

Photos via Colonel Meow’s Facebook page unless otherwise noted.