Dogs are masters of giving thanks. You just have to look in a dog’s direction and he will proclaim himself the luckiest dog alive to have a friend like you, and he will never leave you alone again.
Cats, on the other hand, are much more subtle with expressing gratitude, nearly to the point of not expressing any at all. It makes us wonder: Are cats really thankful? In order to find out, asked my cat Stella.
Me: It’s almost Thanksgiving, Stella, and I was just wondering: What are you thankful for?
Stella: What does “thankful” mean? Is that Italian? Is that like an olive or cheese?
It’s gratitude for the things you have. For the things I give you.
You give me things?
Well, sure. Your food, for one.
But it’s my food.
But I go to the store and buy it.
What is my food doing in a store? It belongs to me.
I need to purchase it first.
Why are you keeping my food from me? I demand my food!
No, it’s not your food, it’s made by a company, which then sells it and … oh, forget it.
You’re doing something fishy with my food, aren’t you?
Forget about your food. How about this place you live in? You must at least be thankful for that.
[Looks around room]
Oh, nothing. It’s very nice.
It’s a nice house!
It’s no Serengeti.
What, you’d rather live outside?
That sounds great!
What? No, it wouldn’t be great.
Yes it would. The fresh air, the small mammals. I could roam …
What about your cat bed? That cost me $29. You must be thankful for that.
How much did your car cost?
What does my car have to do with your —
It cost $2,000 down at signing and $329 a month.
I saw it in a commercial.
But I work for that car. And this house.
Hey, I work, too. Do know how many moths would be in this house if I didn’t kill them?
I don’t want to know.
Don’t tell me you —
YES I ATE THEM ALL.
Look, Stella, it’s Thanksgiving. There must be something you’re thankful about.
I’m thankful that you kill all the dogs
I don’t kill all the dogs, Stella.
You don’t? I always thought you kill all the dogs. I always thought that was the reason there are hardly any dogs around.
Don’t you see dogs walking by outside on leashes sometimes?
Yeah, and the dogs are on leashes because when they aren’t you KILL them.
My word. What goes on in your head?
Trust me, it’s a madhouse.
So, we’re thankful of nothing this year?
I’m thankful we had this talk. I’m thankful I finally know about your little food-hoarding conspiracy. I’ll be taking all my food now, thanks. Just put it in your bedroom.
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