Texts From Mittens: The Post-Birthday Edition


Mittens celebrated his seventh birthday yesterday, and his party wasn’t quite perfect — at least, he wants Mom to believe that. Cats are good at being vague and mysterious, you know. Even nebulous. Speaking of birthdays, Drunk Patty shows up with a thanks-but-no-thanks pirate-themed gift. Mittens can’t get his claws sharpened fast enough. He’s nobody’s parrot.

Mitty isn’t even sure whether he’ll make it to his next birthday. The dog has created a toxic cesspool in Mittens’ fancy fountain, and Mom refuses to send the filthy hound to boarding school. Is there no justice? Certainly not, because Mom’s working late and won’t stand up to her boss. Doesn’t she know what’s really important? There are litter boxes to be scooped! Outrage!

Please read on for further details regarding our poor, poor Mittens.






“It’s from The Black Hills, man”



Nobody’s parrot.



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Read more by Angie Bailey:

About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (originated right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats

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