St. Patrick’s Day is traditionally the time when people conduct complicated experiments to see how loose they can get on a weekday and still go to work the next day. These experiments almost always fail. The next day is awful.

These eight cats with alcohol remind me of those people, those Paddy’s Day partiers, those binge drinkers and beer hoarders and all-day stool-sitters.

Read responsibly:

1. This is the guy who always pulls out the strong stuff too early in the day

Thus making your Paddy’s Day a blur that finds you hobbling home just after lunchtime to sleep it off or doubling down and going into outer space with this guy.

And you don’t want to go into outer space with this guy.

2. This is the guy who sits at the bar all day

That’s this guy. He loves St. Patrick’s day. He arrives at the bar the same time as the first employee, grabs his seat, and watches the parade of life pass before him, happy as a drunk on a barstool on St. Patrick’s Day. It’s the best day of the year for him — he’ll sit at the bar all day on Paddy’s Day. Also every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

3. This is the guy who always drinks too much too fast

This is Kevin. Kevin was the guy who always “beered” you in the morning while you were brushing your teeth, and you didn’t even live together. Kevin never made it through a full night — still doesn’t. On St. Patrick’s Day, he won’t even make it through a full midday. Don’t go anywhere near Kevin today — it’s best to not even be in the same city as Kevin. These Kevins are bad news on St. Patrick’s Day.

4. These are the guys throwing the party you want to avoid

No chips, dip, appetizers, music, dancing, conversation, activities, nothing. Just stacks of beer in the kitchen and a bunch of scavenged furniture in a two-bedroom beater apartment with water damage. You don’t want to be at this party.

5. This is the guy who won’t let you have any of his beer

Oh, you need another? Sorry pal, I only have eight left.

6. This is another guy who won’t let you have any of his beer

Step away from the 12 pack, friend.

7. This is the guy who won’t stop dancing after he’s had a beer

“So, you’re in ad sales? That sounds interes — WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP DANCING PLEASE!”

8. This is a big guy with a tiny beer

To be honest, don’t know any big guys with tiny beers, but we can’t stop looking at that tiny beer.

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