Halloween is right around the corner, and soon we’ll hear the familiar “trick or treat!” phrase from the costumed ghouls and boys at our front doors. Most homes distribute treats, and all is well. Some even drop full-sized candy bars into bags and buckets! Word gets around quickly, and soon all the neighborhood kids have paid a visit to the homes where these Willy Wonka types live. Maybe these generous folks really aren’t all that benevolent — they just want to make darn sure they don’t get tricked.
I trick-or-treated many years as a child, and never once tricked anyone, even if the big meanies were obviously home but didn’t answer their doors. You see, I’m a big chicken and have never been one to break rules or damage property with eggs or toilet paper. I’ve heard about those kinds of tricks, though, and can’t help but imagine the kinds of tricks cats would play on us humans if we didn’t supply them with Halloween treats.
Here are seven real possibilities:
The day after Halloween, we’d shake the salt over our eggs, only to find a sprinkle of cat litter coating the top of our delicious scrambles. Or worse, the shaker lid would have been loosened, releasing a pile of litter! Or even worse, the litter would be used!
Some tricks are extra tricky, like when a spiteful kitty leaves an expired small animal under our pillow. Any other time of year, this offering would be considered a gift; however, on Halloween it’s meant to elicit screams and curses. This is usually a payback for making a cat wear something ridiculous and festive.
This is a total “psych!” trick. The cat doesn’t really intend on releasing a hairball, but the pure joy of watching the human freak out is a total payoff. Occasionally, a bit of something-something lands in the cup, but that’s just how things happen. Who can control the result of a really great trick? Not even a cat.
Warmed Tootsie Rolls are dead ringers for car turds, right? This trick takes a little time and planning. The cats begin by sleeping on top of the candy, or even placing the pieces in a pile of warm laundry. The key is to make sure the “turds” are still warm when the human slides their feet into the shoes. This trick is not a great choice for lazy cats who fall asleep on top of the candy and wake up five hours later, after the human has already left for work.
Long-haired cats have the option of depositing a real hairball into a purse, or some other bag in which a human must place their hands. This is not some silly melted-candy trick — this is the real deal. Bonus points if the hairball soaks something important like a work-related receipt.
Humans love their snack food. The ones who’ve earned a Halloween trick will find themselves munching a handful of nuts, pretzels, Chex cereal … and Temptations chicken-flavored cat treats.
Classic Halloween trick! For years, humans have gotten their jollies TPing the houses and trees of unsuspecting victims. Thankfully, I’ve never been on the wrong end of a TP party, but I’ve sure seen the mess it can create. Cats have got this one covered, and they don’t even have to leave the house. They’re the original TP tricksters.
What kind of Halloween trick would your cat play on you? Tell us in the comments!
Read more by Angie Bailey:
About the Author: Angie Bailey is an eternal optimist with an adoration of all things silly. Loves pre-adolescent boy humor, puns, making up parody songs, thinking about cats doing people things and The Smiths. Writes Catladyland, a cat humor blog, Texts from Mittens (originated right here on Catster) and authored whiskerslist: the kitty classifieds, a silly book about cats wheeling and dealing online. Partner in a production company and writes and acts in comedy web series that features sketches and mockumentaries. Mother to two humans and three cats, all of which want her to make them food.