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Cats: They're Just Like Us!

They like clean butts! They eat the last donut! (Our apologies to US Weekly.)

 |  Mar 25th 2013  |   4 Contributions


If you're a pop culture junkie like I am, you're probably familiar with US Weekly magazine's cheesy feature, "Stars -- They're Just Like US!" The glossy pages of the popular gossip mag feature paparazzi-shot photos of celebrities doing mundane day-to-day activities -- just like US! It's supposed to make us peons feel better about ourselves because stars "get sweaty!" and "pump their own gas!" Those are real examples from the magazine. Not even kidding. 

Cats are kind of like celebrities. They think they're famous, anyway. But you know what? Cat are just regular folks -- in fact, they're just like US!

1. They snack!

Now I feel so much better about my snacking habits!" Cat With Head in Bag by Flickr Creative Commons

I've always enjoyed diving into a fresh bag of snacks and coming out with a fistful of chips, pretzels, or some sort of tasty mix. And I'm not above licking the favor-packed powdery goodness from my fingers. Now I can bust into that king-sized bag of snickety-snacks and dig in with no guilt! After all, cats do it! 

2. They read!

Wow! I never knew we had so much in common! Cat Reading Book by Flickr Creative Commons

Nothing's worse than hearing a spoiler about a book I haven't finished reading. Whether the information leakage was purely accidental or the person doing the leaking (ew!) meant to sabotage my literary joy, it's a bookworm's buzzkill. It's comforting to know that cats feel exactly the same way. Suddenly I'm way more justified in my irritation!

3. They bathe!

I like clean butts, too! Cat Licking Bottom by Flickr Creative Commons

Who doesn't like a tidy rear? I know I do. And cats do, too. Nothing feels more refreshing than emerging from a bath, feeling squeaky clean from head to toe and all places in-between. I embrace my attention to full-body detailing even more now that I know cats do, too! 

4. They're lazy!

Hey, I'm a lazy unpacker! Just like a cat! Cat and Suitcase by Flickr Creative Commons

I'm guilty of waiting several days to unpack after coming home from a trip. Now that guilt has vanished and I finally feel like I can just allow that bag of clothing to linger until I run out of fresh underwear. It eventually happens. Hey cats, thanks for making me feel better about my slothful habits. 

5. They surf the Net!

Boy, I know what that feels like! Cat and Laptop by Flickr Creative Commons

Who hasn't logged on to see embarrassing photos of us that have surfaced on the Internet? And who are these jokers who tag horrendous photographs of us on Facebook? You know, the pics where our eyes are half-closed and we're dancing on top of the bar? Cats face the same sort of humiliation. Now I feel less awkward denying those photos of me at last weekend's bachelorette party. Thanks, cats!

6. They love treats! 

I've done that! Cat Eating Donut by Flickr Creative Commons

Who hasn't snagged the last goody from the treat tray? C'mon, don't tell me a lonely little pastry never called your name. Or am I the only one who hears food speak? Perhaps I am a pastry whisperer! That's one of my new excuses for swiping extra sweets. "Yes, I helped myself to the last bear claw. It was suffering from abandonment issues. It told me. What was I supposed to do?" Also, cats do it, and they're just like US!

7. Their blinds are open! 

Peepers are the worst! Peeping Tom Cat by Flickr Creative Commons

I'm so relieved I'm not the only one who accidentally leaves their blinds open to peeping toms. How annoying to see strange eyes staring at me through the window! I feel so much better knowing cats also feel irked by loitering lurkers. In fact, next time I see a creeper at the window, I'm going to full-on hiss and angrily lunge at the screen. How feline of me!

8. They pee! 

I like to pee alone, too! Cool! Kitten in Litterbox by Flickr Creative Commons

Everyone likes a little privacy when they're doing their business. Have you ever watched a cat using the litter box? There's such intense concentration in those little faces, and they refuse to make eye contact. Why? They want privacy, of course! I'm the same way. Although my cats rarely allow me a solitary moment in the loo, I savor those fleeting instances and I'm certain that, all the while, I look as intense as a cat. How cool that we're so much alike!

Are your cats just like you? Tell us about it in the comments!

Read more parody posts by Angie Bailey:

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