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What Will Your Cat Do While You Watch the Puppy Bowl?

With puppies on TV for an unconscionably long time Sunday, how will our kitties handle it?

Michael Leaverton  |  Jan 28th 2014

On Sunday, millions of TVs will be tuned to Puppy Bowl X on Animal Planet, and our nation’s cats will be suddenly confronted with the weirdest three hours of television they could ever imagine. What will your cats be doing when you’re watching the Puppy Bowl?

  • Yowling at the TV.
  • Watching you watch puppies from across the room, wondering exactly when you lost your mind.
  • Watching some birds and horses kill each other in the other room.
  • Watching the puppies with you, waiting for someone to open that TV box so the real business of tormenting puppies can begin.
  • Eliminating inappropriately.
  • Standing at the food dish and waiting for you to get off the Godforsaken couch and put some food in the bowl, just like every day.
  • Asking you every five minutes when the cat halftime show is starting.
  • Acting all bored and uninterested and OMG THE CAT HALFTIME SHOW IS STARTING!
  • Having the best half of her life, dammit. Cat halftime show.

  • Asking you why you don’t put on the cat halftime show every day — what, do you hate cats or something?
  • Rolling around on the floor watching the cat halftime show and loving you so much because you’re — wait, what’s this? Puppies again? PUPPIES? AGAIN?
  • Eliminating inappropriately, this time on the soft fabrics.
  • Jumping on the coffee table and sitting on your appetizer tray.
  • Ripping the curtains down once and for all.
  • Walking around and marking in everyone’s drinks.
  • Eating some fresh, hastily prepared chicken — finally you people get the picture.
  • Just sitting there amazed you can watch puppies for so long.
  • I mean, puppies, we get it. Soft and cute, good to bat around. But come on.

  • Heading back into the next room to see how those birds are doing against the horses — oh, 3-27 with 10 minutes to go? Even a cat knows that’s not right.
  • Coming back into the Puppy Bowl room to tell you that some of the people in Seahawks room seem to have died, not that you’d care with your precious puppies.
  • Thinking that puppies aren’t so bad if they’re contained in that box all day.
  • Ha ha, that puppy fell over.
  • Oh cute, that puppy bit the other one.
  • Wondering if all these puppies will be destroyed after the show. (Sorry, but I’m a predator. I think things.)
  • Wondering how many of these half-eaten mini-croissant sandwiches can fit in the secret hole in the closet.
  • Determining through trial and error that number of half-eaten mini-croissant sandwiches is seven.
  • Eating seven half-eaten mini-croissant sandwiches.
  • Thinking that if the puppies come with half-eaten mini-croissant sandwiches, then by God let’s have more puppies!
  • Listening to the roar in the next room, where an announcer is screaming, “And the Broncos are your — .
  • Oh, good. You turned off the puppies. Everyone is going home now, right?

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