The 12 Cats of Christmas: Stalin the Dictator


The year is coming to a close, so what better time to take a minute to look back on the most adorable, heartwarming and sometimes heartbreaking cats of the year? That’s exactly what we’ll be doing with the 12 Cats of Christmas. Now it’s the turn of a certain feline with world domination in his steely sights …

11. Stalin the Dictator

2014 did not start out well for disciples of curmudgeonly cat overlords. Colonel Meow, who ruled his world with an iron paw and an ever-present glass of whiskey, passed away, throwing the feline dictator world into a leadership crisis. Thankfully, a plucky young pretender called Stalin the Cat stepped up and order was restored across the Internet.

Sporting a fantastical mustache, we talked to Stalin the Cat back in October. While he mainly kept to the party line, we did get him to reveal that he’s a fan of the “divide and conquer” tactic, is passionate about a cat’s right to free and unfettered access to the countertop, and that his main priority is waging war against the Evil Red Dot. (We attempted to point out that said foe it is merely a laser pointer but were quickly hushed by his propaganda minion, Durin.)

Checking back in with Stalin the Cat now, it transpires that he might have cultivated the habit of wearing a chunky-knit sweater during the winter months. It’s a look that compliments his grand mustache and will likely keep the canny cat toasty and warm during frigid weather conditions.

Most reassuringly of all, Stalin the Cat has also expanded his defensive facilities to include a cardboard bunker — a move which prompted him to excitedly broadcast the following missive to his faithful followers: “Got myself a new bunker!” Seems the cat Internet fort is in very safe hands for the Christmas season.

Enjoy the rest of the 12 Cats of Christmas here:

About Phillip Mlynar: The self-appointed world’s foremost expert on rappers’ cats. When not penning posts on rap music, he can be found building DIY cat towers for his adopted domestic shorthair, Mimosa, and collecting Le Creuset cookware (in red). He has also invented cat sushi, but it’s not quite what you think it is.

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