Oh, Mittens. Atrocities abound and, as usual, our favorite texting cat can’t seem to win. First, Mom refuses to cooperate with his basic request to place a Mitty statue in the front yard. Why is that such a big deal? He certainly deserves a simple honor like that. The most difficult part is deciding which of his poses is most attractive. How can he possibly choose?

At least Drunk Patty is thinking of Mittens. She committed all the cash earned from her metal-detector findings to buying liver treats. Speaking of food, Grandma sent coupons for the wrong kind of cat food! How does Mittens know this? He chewed open the envelope Grandma mailed Mom. How else could he provide quality control over incoming cat-related items?

Hold on, there’s more. Continue reading for more details on poor Mittens’ latest woes.